Final Destination
by Radiorox
Summary: After Paraguay Harm joins the CIA and Mac continues at JAG but, their lives still intersect. Is fate trying to keep them together or tear them apart for good? - Takes place 6 months after 9.3 - "Secret Agent Man" - COMPLETED
1. Pale

Hello, hello, hello! Yes, it's been years! Somehow between the lackluster ending that was JAG, a full time job, a new hobby (running, if you can believe that) and other stuff the stories got away from me. I doubt this will be a full time thing anymore but, I had an idea bouncing around my head for a while. We gonna take this one nice and slow. So far, I have three chapters and am fairly busy but, we'll see how it goes. No promises but, I will try to finish it.

As always, chapters will have the titles of songs. Lately, I'm obsessing with Within Temptation.

So here goes, I hope I remember all of the military jargon.

*deep breaths* Here goes nothin'! ;)

CHAPTER 1 - PALE

2100 Zulu  
Capetown, South Africa

Staring at herself in the mirror Lt. Colonel Sarah "Mac" MacKenzie did not like what she was seeing. The dark circles under her eyes were distinct and noticeable. Concealer just wasn't cutting it anymore nor was the three hour trip to the spa where what should have been a relaxing massage gave her a wave of PTSD. Six months had passed and she still couldn't shake the memory of Sadik Fahd, the terrorist who had nearly tortured her.

It didn't exactly help that her best friend and former partner, Commander Harmon "Harm" Rabb had resigned his Navy career in order to save her. For his bravery, rather than have another medal pinned on his chest, the man was forbidden to return to his billet and instead forced to take a job in the CIA. She barely heard from him since save for any info she could get from Clayton Webb, the CIA agent who put them in this predicament in the first place. It was Webb's crazy mission the brought her face-to-face with a terrorist and destroyed her relationship with Harm.

"Just a moment." She called out from the bathroom hearing a stern knock on the door. "I said, I'm coming!" Mac yelled as the knocks became almost violent. On the other side she found the hotel's manager along with two armed police officers. "Uh. Something wrong?" She cinched her robe a little tighter and was practically run over by the two officers as they walked into her room uninvited. "Excuse me?"

Vincent, the hotel manager took Mac's arm and pulled her out into the hallway. "I apologize for the intrusion Colonel but, someone downstairs spotted a man dressed in a black jacket trying to enter your suite by the balcony. We wanted to check your room quickly before he's tipped off by our presence."

The man wasn't lying Mac could tell by the way he was fidgeting nervously. Hosting the US Military was a big deal to management as was keeping servicemen and women safe. With growing complaints of violence in parts of South Africa, they clearly did not need an international incident on their hands. "I appreciate it but, I am four floors up."

"Ma'am there are many in our country that despise the US Military especially since one of our own was involved in your case. Please indulge me." Vincent practically begged and seemed more than relieved when the two police officers gave the 'all clear.' "Thank you Colonel and please anything you want from room service is on me for intrusion."

Free food? It was the least they could offer and would keep her from having to venture out of her room. "I'll take you up on that, thank you." She closed the door behind them and made sure deadbolt it. As she made her way back to the bathroom to resume her shower however, Mac heard a knock on the balcony door only to find a male figure pressed against the french door panes.

The man was tall, dressed in black and sporting a scruffy beard. She was about to yell for help in hopes that the police would return when the would-be intruders eyes gave him away. "Harm?"


	2. Shot In The Dark

Don't get too used to daily updated this was a bit of a fluke the first three or four chapters may come quickly the others I doubt will but, whatevs... It is what is what it is... So here you go... Again mistakes are my own I am not really doing any beta for these... Sorry if the text is wonky in any way, I swear I forgot how to use this site. LOL!

Enjoy! :D

 **Chapter 2 - Shot In the Dark**

 **"'Cause your soul is on fire**  
 **A shot in the dark**  
 **What did they aim for when they missed your heart?"**  
 **Within Temptation "Shot In The Dark"**

"Let me in, Mac." Harm said from the other side of the door as the rain that had been falling pelted down on him even harder. Harm could hear the sound of the police canine units searching for him below. How'd he'd managed to evade the search party was nothing short of a miracle.

Mac looked as she'd seen a ghost. "Harm?" She unlocked the sliding glass door to the balcony and stepped aside to let him in. The man looked nothing like the one she remembered. He was sporting a scruffy beard, much longer hair and clothing that made him look like he belonged to a biker gang with jeans and a leather vest called a 'cut.' "What are you doing here?" She watched as he frantically shut the doors behind him, drew all of the curtains in the room and then went to look out the peep hole at the door.

Ignoring her previous question, he began stripping off his clothes and tossing both his vest and shirt into the bathroom sink as she followed behind him. "Do you have a sewing kit?"

She didn't have to ask why he would need it; the reason was visible by the bleeding gash on the left side of his torso. "Oh God. Yeah, hang on." She headed out of the bathroom and rummaged through her sea bag to find the little plastic box which contained needles and thread. On her way back, Mac raided the mini bar and brought several tiny bottles of liquor with her. "Pick your poision."

"Thanks." He sat on the floor, back against the tub, shirtless, one hand pressed against his bleeding side. With his teeth he tore open the bottle of whiskey and downed it in two gulps. "Hi, by the way…. Long time no see." It annoyed him to have her staring at him with such a blank look on her face. Then again, this wasn't exactly the best way to bump into an old friend.

"Who's fault is that?" Mac wanted to kill him. She'd spent the last six months knowing little to nothing at all of his whereabouts. She'd called him so many times, left twelve messages only to be met with the sounds of his answering machine stating his voicemail was full. Karma had a way of toying with people and in her mind, he was paying his own dues when it came to her. "This serves you right, you know?" Without warning, she cracked open one of the small vodka bottles and poured the contents over the wound.

"Whatever, Mac." There was something in his eyes a mixture of longing and hatred that shook Mac to the core. She'd done this, caused him to stay away with her nasty attitude in Paraguay.

Back then she needed a clean break to think and breathe and get back to normal. At the time, he didn't really seem happy to save her and instead nitpicked about her and Clay. Why could he understand that Webb had kept her safe and she felt indebted? What was she supposed to do?

There was an odd pleasure at hearing his discomfort as she settled in next to him in order to suture the wound. "I've called and called and called and you never called me back. How'd you know I was here anyway?" Without warning, she poked the needle into his flesh, cringing when she felt his body shiver in pain. Threading a regular needle through skin was difficult. The muscle and fat would eventually bend the tiny metal making sewing nearly impossible. "Talk to me, flyboy." She needed him talking and not passing out.

Harm downed a second bottle of whiskey and attempted to hold his body still as she worked on his wound. "Matonni. I was working undercover at a bar downtown and he noticed me. Bastard was so drunk he didn't get the hint when I tried to send him on his way. Before all hell broke lose he mentioned that you were here." He knew the exact hotel the Navy was using for its officers as he'd made sure it was secure just a few days earlier as part of his mission with the CIA. "It was just luck that I saw you standing in the balcony. I used the gutter to climb up to your room."

"Why are you here?"

"It's classified."

Mac nodded in understanding knowing it was foolish to pry further into his mission. Of all the times she'd been close to figuring out where he was and what he was up to, it was when she'd nearly given up that he'd fallen right into her lap. "Harm…" There were so many things she needed to say to him, so many words that were left unsaid. Yet, this wasn't the time. "We need to find a way to get you out of here; the cops are looking for you." She pointed out and made the last knot on her shoddy sewing job. "There. It's the best that I can do."

Harm glanced down at the now closed wound and nodded. "It'll do. Thanks, Mac." He looked into her eyes then, holding her gaze captive as if something more would happen between them. The urge to kiss her was overpowering and quickly squashed as he recalled her words from six months ago _"There will never be an us."_ And yet fate had a nasty way of throwing her back into his life again, to make him depend on her. All he wanted was to hate Sarah MacKenzie, completely erase her from his life and attempt to feel normal again. "Grab me a razor, I'm gonna shave this beard off and hope I'm not recognized as easily."

"Don't you have a contact in the CIA that can get you out of here?" Stepping out of the bathroom she went to retrieve the items he needed.

"Not anymore. My contact was killed and back up won't arrive for two days. Our safe house was set on fire." The whole mission had been a disaster from the start. At times Harm felt he was the only one who knew what he was doing which wasn't saying much considering he was still a new recruit.

"I have an idea." She began as she helped him off the floor and to the bathroom sink. "The Henry is sitting offshore, if we can get you on it, you're home free."

"We?" There was no 'we' as far as he was concerned. The people looking for him were dangerous and armed to the teeth. They had connections all over Cape Town and if anyone was seen with him, they'd be a target. She wasn't going to die on his watch. "You go, contact Director Kershaw and let him know where I am. All Hell is about to break loose here and you'll be safer on the ship, anyway." It wouldn't be too long before the police made the rounds at the hotel again and found him hiding out in her room. What then?

Mac folded her arms in defiance as she leaned against the bathroom wall. "I'm not leaving you here alone."

"Mac, for once don't argue with me. I'll hide here until the cavalry comes." Only there was a chance that no one would come and he knew it. The Navy couldn't send anyone to rescue him in such a huge city and risk an international incident. More than likely, to the CIA, he was expendable.

"I have an idea… I can grab one of Matonni's uniforms and we can hail a cab over to the port. It's constantly patrolled by the military. We'll be protected."

"I'll never fit into his uniform." Although the junior officer was tall, Harm was taller and with a wider frame, the differences would he noticeable to anyone with an inkling of military attire.

Mac came to his side and took the razor from him. Shaky hands were causing him to cut his face and miss some of the hair. "We'll make it fit. Like it or not, I am not leaving you behind." She made quick work of his beard removing all of his facial hair until the person staring back at her through the mirror was one of the man she couldn't stop thinking about. "Get in the bath, clean yourself up. I'm gonna have a chat with Matonni."

Harm ran a hand over his face noting the quick work she did on his facial hair. "How'd you do that?"

"Years taking care of an alcoholic father." Mac confessed with a shrug as she closed the door behind her.

She quickly got dressed and made her way to Matonni's room which was on the opposite wing of her floor. Without disclosing too much, she let the man know Harm's situation and insisted he'd be ready in ten minutes. When she returned with Matonni's spare uniform she found the door to her room open. "Harm?"

Cautiously, Mac made her way to the bathroom where she found him, forearm wrapped around another man's neck and squeezing for dear life. The intruder had other ideas and despite a wave of unconsciousness managed to pull away by running the blade of a knife over Harm's forearm.

Instintively, Mac set herself into motion grabbing the hair dryer from its place on the side of the sink and swinging it by the cable to have it connect with the assassins head once he'd pulled away from Harm. The blow caused caused the man to stumble, fall forward and hit his head against the side of the tub knocking him unconscious. "That was a lucky hit. Harm? What are you…" She trailed off in shock as Harm pried the knife out of the man's hand and slammed it into his chest not once but three times.

"Let's get out of here." He instructed, stepping over the intruder as he made his way to the living room.

It wasn't much longer before all three officers were sitting in a cab maneuvering through the streets of Johannesburg. Matonni was instructed not to ask questions and he was happy to just sit back and nurse an impending hang over. Harm was seated in the front, eyes on the road scanning nervously for an impending attack. The biggest problem with his current mission was the lack of weapons, all of them had been lost in the safe house and he was instructed to never carry one while working at the bar.

"What happened back there?" Mac asked suddenly, her mind trying to grasp at how nonchalantly Harm slammed that knife into the chest of a man who was already unconscious. Before he could answer, a barrage of bullets slammed into the window of the cab instantly causing the driver to lose control and slam into a light post.

The crash dazed all three officers especially Harm who'd been fighting loss of consciousness from the blood loss he'd experienced earlier that evening. It was Mac who managed to shake the dizziness first only to find Harm partly unconscious in the passenger seat. "Alan! Help me!" She yelled at Matonni knowing she could not carry Harm out on her own. Bullets rained down over them as the three took cover behind the cab.

"Where the hell are they coming from?" Matonni asked, the look in his eyes telling Mac that he'd never been in combat before. "Colonel, are you crazy?"

Mac had crawled on her hands and knees and moved from behind the vehicle to a masonry fence where she had a better vantage point to scope the area. Damnit, she wished she had some sort of weapon without one, she felt naked and exposed. "I see an alley maybe fifty feet away." She pointed to her left. "We can't stay here or we're dead for sure."

"God, you _are_ crazy." Crazy but, Mac had a point, they needed to get out of there and to the safety of the port. "I'll drag the Commander, you get moving." And he did just that, managing to escape from behind the cab as another round of bullets riddled the area.

The three were able to stumble through alleyways, ducking and hiding behind dumpsters and in random doorways until they were close enough to the entrance, less than a block away from where she knew US military would be standing by protecting the fleet of small vessels used to take personnel out to the Henry. "Alan, start running, make it over there, get help."

"Colonel, I would rather not leave the two of you right now." Mattoni whispered while motioning to the vehicle which had slowly entered the alley. "Back behind the dumpster." Off they went, dragging Harm's body with them

It felt like an eternity as the vehicle passed by, beams from flashlights illuminating the alley and yet somehow missing the three officers in hiding. "We need to make a run for it _now_." Mac ordered and Mattoni nodded in agreement.

Dragging Harm, they rushed out of the alley and onto the open road which lead to the docks. They hadn't made it one hundred feet before the sound of gunshots filled the air again. Though the vehicle was no longer following them, a lone gunman was hot on their tail and he was gaining ground. "Ah! Damnit." Mattoni stumbled then and nearly hit the ground as a shot hit him on his right side. "I'm hit… We need to hurry."

"Help! Open the gates. Naval Officers open the gates!" Mac yelled at the top of her lungs finally in earshot of the military personel patrolling the area. Several more shots were fired at them and this time it was Mac's turn to get hit, the bullet embedding itself in her left arm. "Please open the gates or we're going to die out here!" She pleaded as more gunshots sounded off again. Mercifully the guards began to return fire, giving them cover and allowing the officers to make it to safety.


	3. Where Is The Edge?

Woops, not sure what happened with the formatting. It was fine when I uploaded. Anyhoo.. here you go. :)

So the reason why I started writing this one was the part coming up on the balcony… I had this whole little convo between H & M that kept replaying in my head for the last few years. No, not obsessed with JAG as I was, not at all but, every once in a while I start to come up with my cray cray version of events for season 9. Which, looking back, I see I already had done something of a re-write… whatever.

Somehow, it seemed like the most logical of seasons to get them together because they were not working together. I think it was such an untapped season. *sigh* Oh well… on with the show.

Chapter 3 – Where Is The Edge?  
"In the shadow awaits a desire

But you know that you can't realize

And the pressure will just keep on rising

Now the heat is on"

Within Temptation "Where Is The Edge?"

2400 ZULU

Mac's Apartment  
Georgetown

"I hate this stupid thing." Mac stared at herself in the mirror and frowned. No matter how hard she tried there was no easy way of getting anything done with an arm sling. Putting on her dress had been a royal pain and the apparatus absolutely clashed with the dark red gown she was wearing. The Navy and Marine gala was the last thing she wanted to attend but, as the chief of staff it was almost a requirement that she be there. Any type of festivities did not help with the foul mood she'd been in.

It had been two weeks since her ordeal in Cape Town. She, Mattoni and Harm had been quickly taken to the ship, their wounds attended to. Mattoni had gotten off the easiest as the bullet merely grazed his torso. Harm was re-stitched, given a blood transfusion and a cocktail of IVs to ward off any possible infection. Unfortunately for Mac, the bullet that hit her arm had fragmented and embedded itself which was cause to rush her to the nearest hospital for surgery. She never saw Harm again. Calls to his phone were met, yet again, by the sounds of a full answering machine. Maybe it was time to give up?

"You're missing something." Rough hands clasped a stunning diamond necklace behind her neck and then massaged the tense muscles of her shoulders. She leaned into the touch, needing it at the moment, she was growing tired of feeling so lost and fragmented. "You look gorgeous, Sarah." Clayton Webb stared at their reflection in the mirror unable to hide his sheepish grin at the notion that he was her date tonight _._ Who said that relationships based on intense experiences didn't work? Mac had barely left his side since they'd returned from Paraguay six months earlier. "Let's go, you don't want to be late." He kissed her shoulder and then escorted her out of the apartment and into the limousine that was waiting for them downstairs.

"You didn't need to get a limo; this is nothing more than the yearly office party." An office party full of generals, admirals, department heads and practically anyone politically involved with the military. In the past Mac had enjoyed the gala and the chance to dress in beautiful ball gowns, rub elbows with her peers and even tell a few war stories. Somehow she'd always wind up dancing a song or two with Harm, it had always been the highlight of her evening.

"It's one hell of an office party." Webb scoffed. Having attended the gala several times he knew the magnitude of the event. Several officers had accelerated their careers and others had destroyed them at the gala. In the end it was all about who you knew and how much ass you could kiss. "If you really don't want to go, we could just stay in tonight." Taking her hand, Webb pressed a kiss against her knuckles. There would be nothing better than spending the evening alone with Mac. Although, showing her off to his peers and her JAG coworkers would be exhilarating.

They hadn't quite been dating, at least not in the sense of the word. If anything, Mac had been more of a nurse when he was dealing with the aftermath of the electroshock that Sadik had inflicted on him. She'd been there every step of the way, allowing him to heal both mentally and physically.

They'd grown closer than he ever thought possible and settled into something of a routine. Years of seeing her roller coaster ride with Harm had taught him to be patient. Clay would take anything he could get from her: a smile, a caress and the occasional kiss on the lips that never went any further. They had made out, once, the night before she boarded the COD to the Henry and he was sure that upon her return they'd consummate whatever was going on between them. Instead, Mac had returned hurt and angry; all of his ground work had been for nothing. He had to start over again. Mac never told him why but, Clay knew everything that had happened in Cape Town. Harmon Rabb had struck again.

So, he spent the last two weeks doting after the Marine helping her recover from her own injuries. He played the good friend, making sure her house was clean and she was fed. Clay brought her different DVDs and managed to spend a night when she'd fallen asleep on the sofa due to the pain medication. He'd taken her to the doctor's appointments and then to work. Aren't those things a good boyfriend would do? And yet, here they were – he was still trying to sneak in kisses and she was still playing hard to get. The whole game was becoming exhausting.

"I have to go, even if it's for a couple of hours." Although she could probably get out of the gala if she wanted to. At the very least she had friends there, the JAG staff that had become something of a close knit family. And Webb; what was he to her exactly? At times he acted like a friend but, other times like a man pining over a woman he couldn't have.

Countless times Mac had considered a relationship with the spy. He was cultured, kind and held that little bit of intrigue that she secretly enjoyed. That arrogance that he held in years past she found was nothing more than a veneer used to survive in his occupation. He'd shed it all and bore his soul to her in Paraguay; used his body to make sure she would be safe. And he had kept her safe, sort of. The feelings she was developing for him were confusing; did she care for him due to their trouble in Paraguay or was she really developing feelings for him? So she held him at arm's length trying to rationalize things when, internally, she was falling apart. It was difficult to be strong for the both of them, helping him heal and holding back her own demons; the memories of the terrorist that nearly took her life.

0100 ZULU

The Hay-Adams

Washington, DC

"Commander, I wanted to commend you on a job well done." CIA Director Kershaw said as Harm strolled in with a curvy blonde hanging from his arm. He shook the former Naval Officer's hand with a gusto that stated the director was slightly over his limit on alcoholic beverages.

Harm flashed his patented flyboy grin and waved off the congratulations. "Not too sure about that, Mr. Kershaw." Getting a Marine and a Naval officer shot was not exactly the perfect end to his assignment. "May I introduce you to Ms. Stephanie Barroso."

Stephanie was the daughter of the current Inspector General, a lawyer and the woman he'd been seeing off and on for the past few months. She'd bumped into him, literally, at a stop light somewhere in Alexandria and the pair had hit it off. Dating Stephanie had been a breath of fresh air. She was sexy, funny, intelligent and not the jealous type. They were together, as she liked to say, "For the moment." And that arrangement worked fine for him.

"Harrison, it's been a while." Years of being brought up in the upper echelon of Washington crust had taught Stephanie how to be refined when she needed to be. She played the role that suited her father's ambitions which led her to work at an anti-trust law firm in Virginia. Every political and military big wig also knew that she was very much single and invited her to all sorts of banquets and parties in hopes of marrying her to one of their single sons, Kershaw being one of them. "How's Will?" Kershaw's son William was nothing like she'd hope he would be. She was absolutely positive that he was not interested in women.

Kershaw shook his head and then took a deep drink of his whiskey. "Ah, you know, still hasn't found the right one… Excuse me."

Harm watched as Kershaw, visibly bothered stepped away from he and his date. There was a history there. "Something you said?" Taking Stephanie's hand, he eased her onto the dance floor and settled into a slow sway.

"He's just upset that his son and I never hit it off. He just wasn't my type." She wrapped her arms around his neck and began dancing a little too intimately. "You couldn't wear your whites? You know what they say about dress whites and gold wings…Although, you _do_ fill out a tuxedo _very_ well. I'm going to enjoy getting this off of you later." Her voice had come down to a seductive whisper and it was all Harm could do to not rush her out of the ballroom and upstairs to one of the rooms.

The woman knew how to seduce him and he knew they needed to put a little personal space between them before things got too heated. "There is no 'tonight.' I have a flight leaving Langley in a few hours." He'd only attended the gala because she needed a date.

At the opposite side of the ball room, Mac had entered with Webb and been bombarded with questions about her injury. Because it had been tied to the CIA, she had been given a cover story so that classified information would not be divulged. With the amount of people at the gala she didn't spot Harm initially – to be honest, she didn't have to. There was a change in the air, a zing that let her know he was there. Clay had led her to the tables lining the rear end of the banquet hall helping her sit down while he went for their drinks. It was then that she found Harm, dressed in a tuxedo and in the arms of another woman. "It had to be a blonde." She said under her breath feeling that pang of jealousy that had hit her like a crashing wave.

Webb had returned with a flute of bubbling, golden liquid and excused himself as he went to socialize with Kershaw. From her vantage point, she was able to see Harm and his date dancing. The pair looked good together, she noted as they swayed to a soft ballad. The woman reached up to give him a quick peck on the lips and then ran a hand suggestively down to his chest. It was all that Mac could stomach.

She needed to get out of there, to get some air and hope this stupid night would end sooner than later. With a huff, she stood and made a beeline for the balcony that overlooked the White House. It was dark out, only the lights from the ballroom illuminated the area she stood at. Mac took a breath and willed herself not to cry. She'd done this to herself, told them they would never make it work, what did she expect from him? Harm had to be just as exhausted with this game as she was.

"I assume that's ginger ale, right?" Harm asked as he slowly stepped out into the balcony. He had spotted her almost immediately when she walked into the ballroom it was just his luck that she made her way outside just as the song had ended and he was able to pull himself away from his date.

She sighed; exasperated in the annoyance that she could sense he was coming. Mac had always been in tune with Harm, sometimes disturbingly so. "You know I don't drink."

"I do. I'm sorry, I just… I wasn't sure what's been going on in your life." He leaned up against a wall, keeping distance between the two of them. "How's your arm?"

"I'll live." Mac turned to face him, leaning up against the railing as she did. "You know, A 'hello' would have sufficed. I haven't changed addresses; you know where I live… Hell, you could have answered when I called that dozen or so times. Why won't you talk to me?"

He could have but, given the nature of their last conversation, Harm wasn't too sure she wanted to speak to him. "I wasn't exactly around much, Mac. I needed to spend some time at the Farm and took some special avionics courses for God knows what reason." He embellished. Although the CIA had kept him occupied, he was in Washington more times that he wanted to admit. "Besides, after that conversation we had in Paraguay, I figured I was the last person you wanted to speak to."

She studied him for a moment, wondering why men could be so fickle. They were all like kids when their toys got taken away. Not that she was his toy but, just the same, it was always a game between them. His interest in her was only evident when he couldn't have her. In Paraguay, she would have surrendered herself to him if he only made his feelings clear and yet every possible obstacle was thrown in the way. So, she did what she needed to at the moment and put an end to their dance, a move she would come to regret when he was no longer in her life. "About that… I wanted to apologize; I kept calling for that reason." Mac shook her head, disgusted with the actions she took and the way that they were snapping at each other after he had rescued her. "Chalk it up to stress… I don't know. I said a lot of things I shouldn't have… and I'm sorry."

Harm visibly relaxed and walked over to the railing, standing right beside her. He wanted to hate her, to hurt her back for what she'd said. But, he couldn't. "I wasn't handling the situation any better." No, he had snapped back when she had and tried to control a situation that was crashing and burning. His hero complex had, as usual, gotten in the way of common sense. Harm wasn't sure what to expect when he rescued her. His mind had rehearsed the scene over and over where he would cut her loose from the ropes binding her wrists and she would promptly throw herself at him. He'd forgotten that given Mac's nature she'd want to get to safety, not play co-star to his damsel in distress sequence. "I should have called you back I just wasn't sure we were still friends."

"Just because we don't work together any more doesn't mean we can't be friends." She offered wondering for the hundredth time if that was all they were meant to be.

"Is that all we were?" The question came out before he could stop himself and Harm visibly cringed when she stared at him with a confused expression. "I mean, we were best friends once."

She was taken back by the question considering his constant need to keep her at arm's length. "I was your best friend and then I realized how little you trusted me the day you wound up in the brig for Singer's murder. I wanted to come see you, to support you and I wasn't allowed to. I even tried to take your case but, NCIS booted me from it. Do you know how much that hurt? Knowing my best friend was in trouble and I couldn't do a damned thing about it?"

"It's past, Mac… I'm fine." But, he wasn't and the tone in his voice severed any other mention of that conversation. "So, I see you and Clay are getting on." Harm said, motioning to where Webb was surrounded by other CIA agents in the middle of some heated conversation.

She snorted and turned away from him. Harm was nothing if not predictable when faced with questions he didn't want to answer. "Are we going to start keeping score again? There's _nothing_ between Clay and I." And in reality, there wasn't. Mac hadn't fully made the decision to make him a permanent part of her life.

"Does he know that? He practically paraded you into the gala like you were his trophy wife." He'd known the very second she'd stepped into the hall as the hairs on the back of his head stood up at attention. There was a feeling, unmistakable and raw that always came over him when Mac was around. To his chagrin, she was dangling off the arm of one Clayton Webb and while Harm held no ill wishes for the spy, he didn't want him anywhere near Mac. Although, he didn't exactly have much say in the situation and if the scuttlebutt was true, Clay and Mac were _very intimate._

Mac chuckled, "Jealous much? I merely helped take care of him while he was convalescing. He knows my stance but keeps trying advances. I figure, at some point, he'll give up." She lied and while Clay and she hadn't become more intimate, they had spent time together more times than she could count.

"Or he'll wear you down." He nudged her playfully and they shared a laugh at Clay's expense. Harm was slightly serious about hs comment, he remembered too well how Brumby had done just that, worn her down. He figured that after Sydney harbor she would understand he needed time, instead she ran into other arms.

She glanced towards the agent who looked rather dashing in his tuxedo. Clay always did formal right. "Unlikely. I can't be with someone like Webb, never knowing where they are or if you're being lied to. Not knowing if they'll merely be a star on some plaque one day." And that was the honest to God truth and a major reason why Mac just could not give herself to the spy.

Her words hurt more than a slap ever could, the description was exactly what he'd become: another CIA agent, living from day to day not knowing if that day would be his last. "It's a rough life."

"You didn't have to end up there." She spat out, coming to stand face to face with him. "You could have found something else… Hell, you didn't have to resign your commission." Mac had always felt guilty over his resignation. If she had declined the CIA's offer and chosen to stay behind, they wouldn't have been in this predicament. Then again, maybe Sadik would have won and thousands could have died. It was an inner turmoil that would not let her sleep at night.

"I did it for you, Mac and I don't regret it. You're alive."

"I treated you awful in Paraguay." She couldn't let it go. The conversation by the taxi stand haunted her as she effectively severed ties with him. At the time, it was what she wanted, to free herself from the emotional attachment that was Harm.

"It was an awful situation. You were almost tortured, Mac and…"

She placed a hand on his arm and stopped the tirade she knew was coming. This wasn't the time to fall on his sword. "What I said at the taxi stand. It was a knee jerk reaction." She shrugged and turned to face the city. "I guess I just didn't want to feel like a fool anymore."

Harm's defensive posture suddenly melted away like someone had taken a blowtorch to ice. He stood there, mouth slightly agape and at a loss for words. "I...Mac."

Despite his better judgement, Harm reached out and placed a hand on her arm. He felt the charge then, the one that always came whenever they touched and it was like Paraguay had never happened and Clayton Webb never came between them. "It's past, Mac."

"Only it isn't. We need to talk about a lot of things."

"Do we?" Only he didn't want to talk about it knowing their conversations would always end in some sort of stupid argument. In the few weeks since seeing her again, Harm had thought about their relationship at length. He wanted her, always would and if there were any chance at being with Sarah MacKenzie; he was going to have to try and hope she wouldn't reject him as he'd rejected her in the past.

Studying her, he found that she looked a little thinner, as if she'd lost some weight. Some of the fullness of her curves was a little less than he'd remembered. Mac was still beautiful, stunning and couldn't hold a candle to another woman as far as he was concerned. He missed her, their talks, the banter and even the quiet times where they'd just spent time each engrossed in a law book. He wasn't sure when he'd fallen for her until it was too late; they were always like ships passing in the night. "I have this sudden urge to kiss you." Harm said out loud the words that he was thinking and hoped she would feel the same as he.

Mac's heart was beating a hard staccato against her chest, so forceful that she was sure he could hear it. Eight years of knowing this man and he still did this to her despite them never being intimate. She'd learn to deal with the feelings he brought up and considered it a form of warfare. He'd pushed her away once and her head never really forgot. Her heart, on other hand was traitorous and continued to ache for him. Despite her desire, Mac opted on a tactical approach. "Why now? After everything that happened; why now?"

"I don't know." He said sheepishly, his fingers now tracing patterns on her arm. "We're not under the same command anymore."

Mac scoffed at him and brushed his fingers away. "You can't seriously tell me that's why you never made a move… Scratch that, you _waited_ until I was unavailable to make a move."

"I've been involved with women in the same command before, it never ended well… The last thing I wanted was to lose you because our relationship didn't work out."

"You never even gave it a chance… Instead you waited until my engagement party with Mic…" Mac steeled herself, unwilling to rehash something that was in the past. "Never mind, I am not bringing _that_ up." She thought about that kiss long enough and it was better not to dwell on something that would clearly never work out. "I have just as much fault, I realize that… I was hurt and took a TAD out to the middle of no where to get away from you."

"Why did you?" He never fully understand what she was running from then. Hadn't he been clear with his intentions? Mic was out of her life and his relationship with Renee was crashing and burning.

"Because I was afraid that our coworkers would see right through me and know my relationship with Mic failed because of you. I didn't want to be the talk of the town."

He hadn't thought about that. Propriety was everything in the military especially for a female officer. "You're right… And as a woman your name would have been smeared."

" _Again_ … I already got yanked through the mud over Farrow. My fault, of course but, I wasn't going to let that happen again… So I ran. Call me a coward but, it seemed like the right thing to do at the time."

"Is that why you took the assignment with Clay?"

"Yes." She confessed, disgusted that he could have such control over her. "We were getting closer, you and I. Comfortable; and then you go and lie to me about Singer...I know you kept me away, it wasn't the Admiral… Chegwidden told me you'd requested it." She accused, finally letting out the little knowledge she'd had about the situation. "Why? Didn't you trust me?"

Harm _did_ trust her, with all of his heart but, the situation had gotten complicated and dirty. The last thing he wanted was to wreck her career along with his. She was far too involved in his relationship with Sergei. "I did it to protect you, Mac."

"You needed someone in your corner, Harm." She chastised and leveled him with a look that made him realize she was right. Everything he'd done, every step made him seem that much guiltier to NCIS. Sighing, Mac placed the now empty flute of gingerale on a high table and proceeded to lean against the railing, looking out into the city. DC was a special place and the monuments seemed to come alive at night. "I've always loved the way the city looks at night. Peaceful and serene although it's anything but."

"You look particularly lovely yourself." He said, moving up close behind her, his hands coming to rest on either side of her body, trapping her between himself and the railing. Harm wasn't going to let her go this time. "Sarah…"

"Harm… Red light." Mac said, with a warning tone when his hands came to her shoulders and began roaming up and down her skin. She felt his touch to the core, reveled in something she felt only in dreams. "Our dates are inside."

"Do you really care what Webb thinks?"

"No, not really." She said, turning to face him. He was close enough that she could feel his breath on her skin. "Harm…" Mac tried to stop him as his hands came up to cup her face. Her breath hitched when his head came down towards hers, his lips claiming hers in a soft, sweet kiss.


	4. Our Solemn Hour

Notes: Sorry for the delay work has kept me stressed and very busy. Plus I've been in Disney World for the last two weekends.

There is a lot of push and pulling here which goes with the show. A lot of looks, banter, flirting and then poof!

Chapter Four: Our Solemn Hour  
"In my darkest hours I could not foresee

That the tide could turn so fast to this degree

Can't believe my eyes

How can you be so blind?

Is the heart of stone, no empathy inside?

Time keeps on slipping away and we haven't learned

So in the end now what have we gained?"  
Within Temptation – "Our Solemn Hour"

0135 ZULU

The Hay-Adams

Washington, DC

"Rabb." Clayton Webb always had a knack for interrupting at the right or in this case, wrong time. He stepped out to the balcony, coming to stand a few feet away from the couple with a glass of whiskey in hand. Stress from working with the agency had nearly made him into a full blown alcoholic but, the last few months with Mac he found himself drinking less and less. Clay didn't want to be a blubbering idiot around her and she didn't need to see what his demons did to him. He'd put her through enough. "You two look cozy out here."

Harm stepped away from Mac, feeling like a kid who'd been caught making out by his parents. Fate had a knack of breaking things up just when they were getting interesting, such was their relationship – it was predictable and annoying. "We were… catching up."

Her eyes were still closed when he stepped away, heart beating hard against her chest. It wasn't a passionate kiss by any means but, Harm had a way of affecting her in ways no man ever did. This push and pull between them was tearing her apart. "You have a knack for finding me at the oddest of times." She said to him, her voice dripping with a menacing tone.

Chuckling, Webb sauntered closer to her, his posture that of protective boyfriend. "You are _my_ date." He stated simply and motioned to the ballroom. "Rabb, I do believe the IG's daughter is looking for you … She's rather attractive. You _do_ like blondes don't you?" The jab was not subtle at all, and he didn't intend it to be. Despite not knowing where his relationship with Mac stood, he was trying his best to keep her. Besides, the Naval aviator had nearly a decade with his partner and it resulting in nothing more than a fruitless relationship. Clay very much doubted the pair would ever make it work – they were both too pigheaded. At least, with his family name, money and standing in the agency, he could provide Mac with any life that she wanted. "Sarah and I often come to these types of events. It's nice to show her how the other half lives."

Harm winced when Webb mentioned her first name, to his knowledge, no one called her than unless they were intimate. Glancing at Mac, he found a slight tint to her cheeks; her posture giving away the fact that they had, indeed dated. "You two make a nice couple." Any feelings he still had for Mac were crushed at the realization and his previous actions made him feel like such a fool. He had his chances and blew them time and time again. Mac was right, he was only interested when she couldn't be his.

"It's not serious…I… We.." Mac tried to defend but, was cut off by Harm's date that had finally spotted him.

"Oh, there you are, Harm. I've been looking all over for you." Stephanie Barroso was, indeed, a stunning woman. She had a gorgeous hourglass figure which was accentuated by the way her satin dress hugged every inch of her body. To say that she was the most gorgeous woman at the ball would not be a lie. Every man would have killed to be Harm that night. Her hair came down to her shoulders in waves, little silver and diamond hair ties held it in place. Piercing blue eyes much more dazzling that Harm's stared back at Mac. "You must be Colonel MacKenzie. Clay has spoken at length about you."

"Call me, Mac."

"Mac, I like that. You can call me Steph." Stephanie had a familiarity with the Webb family as both matriarchs would attend Sunday brunch together. She'd also attended a function or two with Webb and found him to be intriguing and slightly pompous. Dating material he was not but, they still enjoyed a simple friendship. It was Clay who had her cross paths with Harm. "How'd you enjoy the cruise on the Rhine?"

At that point in time, Mac wanted the ground to swallow her whole. She didn't want Harm to know just how far her relationship with Clay had gone. PTSD had played a major role in her involvement with the agent as did gratitude for keeping her alive. With Harm out of the picture, training at the Farm and ignoring all her attempts to contact him, she figured she should at least attempt to have a stable relationship. Webb wasn't a bad man, he was eloquent, smart, driven but, she just could not seem to foster the same feelings he had for her. That was evident when he'd taken her on a lavish cruise along the Rhine River. It was romantic, beautiful and he tried to be everything she needed in a man and yet, she couldn't give herself to him. Nothing had transpired past kissing. She cleared her throat and tried to ignore the daggers which Harm was shooting at her. "It was lovely but, a little too cold this time of the year."

Stephanie threaded her arm through Harm's and pressed herself against him. "Oh, I am sure Clayton did a wonderful job at keeping you warm, didn't you Clay?" She laughed as if there were a secret she was privy to and at her side all Harm wanted to do was reach over and strangle Webb. "Maybe you and I could take a little cruise somewhere? Or flying again?" She stared sensually at Harm and then motioned towards Mac. "He has the most darling of little planes… He took me on a flight a couple of months ago. So exhilarating… Anyway, I understand the two of you worked together at JAG?"

"Yes. We were partners for a while and then mostly adversaries." Mac managed to plaster a smile on her face when all she wanted to do was run away and hide.

So he had been in town long enough to take his new girlfriend flying but, he couldn't bother calling her back at least once? "And I've been on Harm's plane before. I sure hope you didn't get shot at." She grinned up at Harm who seemed annoyed by her comments.

"Shot at?" Stephanie seemed utterly co fussed at Mac's comment. "Why would I get shot at?"

Harm chuckled, the memories of that little trip still fresh. "Long story short, we had mechanical issues, had to land in a field and wound up bumping into poachers. One of them got a bit anxious and the Colonel was shot in the leg."

"Clearly the Commander is bad for my health." She raised the sling and immediately regretted it as pain shot through her arm.

Webb helped her adjust the sling, tightening the straps. "You need to take it easy, Sarah." When he was done he wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her close to him almost possessively.

Mac didn't resist, what was the point anyway? Clay was an attractive and affluent man who wanted her. Harm was clearly taken by the way he and Stephanie seemed so absorbed in each other. Maybe it was time to give up for good? Never, meant never.

Except the feeling of his lips on hers still lingered. It wasn't more than a short kiss and one where she'd been too thrown off to reciprocate. Still, the way he looked at her and the intimate way he'd pin her up against the railing… That _did_ happen, didn't it? Maybe she'd made it up. No, she couldn't have. Mac could smell his cologne on her and the taste of bourbon from his lips. "I'm sorry, what?" She hadn't noticed that Stephanie was talking to her.

"I said that you, me and the boys should go to brunch tomorrow. I can get us to the Chef's table at the Four Seasons. They make a lobster omelet to die for. Harm and I were there last weekend." Stephanie wasn't trying to drive more of a wedge between Harm and Mac and yet she did. They had talked about past relationships and Harm had hinted about the woman – a Marine Lt. Colonel – who had once held his interest and now did anything but. Harm claimed that they were over before it even started and his feelings had long since been quashed. Yet, there was something in the air, a tension that she could cut with a knife – the two former partners still cared for each other, an unrequited love hung between them. "Mac, you seem upset?"

Turning to Harm, Mac pinned him with a look that could kill. "You've been in town _that_ long and didn't think to see if I was okay? I was _shot_ trying to protect you. Doesn't that afford me one call?"

"Mac…" Harm tried to explain himself but, in reality there was nothing more to say. He hadn't tried to contact her. She had a right to be upset.

"Save it! Steph, thank you for the offer but, Clay and I already had plans. We can't really change them." She turned to Webb, plastering a saccharine sweet smile which seemed more genuine that it was. "I'm getting tired and my arm hurts. Take me home?"

Harm watched as she left with the spy unable to comprehend how things between them had become so fragile. True, he hadn't called her but, hadn't Mac said they would never work? Never meant never and he was going to hold her to that. Yet, tonight, his feelings betrayed him

"I said something wrong, didn't I?" Stephanie said, her hand coming up, turning Harm's face to hers. "You lied to me about not having feelings for her. You couldn't be more obvious if you tried. And don't try to defend yourself, everyone in the ballroom saw you kiss her."

Harm took a breath and let it out slowly, hoping the pent up frustration and anger would leave him. "Momentary lapse of judgement. Why do you care? We're not exactly mutually exclusive."

In the short time that they'd been together, Stephanie had seen many sides of Harm. There was the fun, cocky, guy who could seduce the socks of her and then the this guy – the one that covered up his pain with barbs and insults. It always happened when she pried into his past relationship and despite this being just for the moment; she wanted him to be happy. "It's no wonder you two never figured it out. You can be an ass sometimes."

"I'm sorry." And he really was. "This isn't your fault."

Stephanie waved him off. "Forgiven… Let's get out of here. It's too stuffy for my liking. We can go to that new dance club." And although the last thing Harm wanted to do was have fun, he needed the distraction if not his thoughts would keep him up all night.

The pair was nearly out of the ball when a certain voice called out his name. "Commander, I thought that was you." Harm turned on his heal and came face to face with his former commanding officer, Admiral AJ Chegwidden. The older man stuck his hand out but all Harm could do was stare. "You look well." The tension between the two men was so thick. AJ brought his hand down realizing the younger man would not shake it.

"So do you _AJ."_ Harm wasn't under his command any longer there was no need to afford the man any military civility. "I can call you AJ now, correct?"

Chegwidden knew he would have to face this demon at some point. No matter which way you sliced it, he was instrumental in not letting Harm back into the military. In fact, he submitted the younger officer's resignation almost immediately. "I think we're well past ranks at the moment."

"And who's fault was that?"

"Yours, Rabb. When you came back from flying I took you back and warned that my nepotism would work just once. I told the same thing to the Colonel when she left for civilian law."

Harm clenched his jaw unsure how Chegwidden could be so callused when it came to him. "Back then I went to fulfill my duties as a Naval Aviator something I had spent years and a shit load of taxpayer money for. I never chose to leave a carrier it was forced on me. This time, I chose to leave and locate the Colonel because I live and die by a strict Military ethos: Leave no man behind. Or did they not teach you that at SEAL school?"

Words that AJ knew to be true hit him full force. "Now wait a goddamn minute, Rabb. You disobeyed direct orders not to interfere and made me look like a fool in front of my peers."

"Your peers? Since when haven you given a fuck about your peers?" Harm scoffed at the notion. This was the same man that would move Heaven and Earth to make sure his officers had a fair shot, a feared leader. What had happened to him? "So you would have just let her die?"

"Mac is a marine, she would have taken care of herself and I was assured that she had back up, people in country there to keep her and Webb safe."

"They did and it still went to shit."

"What do you mean by that?" Chegwidden knew some details about Mac's mission, or so he thought. Despite some rocky patches the SECNAV and CIA had assured him that everything had gone well. Even Mac seemed fine, despite clearly missing her partner.

"Their contact gave them up. When I got there, Mac was tied down to a table, seconds away from torture. Webb was nearly killed." Throughout his life, he'd had several occurrences that he wished he could erase, memories that came back to haunt him from time to time. When he closed his eyes at night, it was the memory of pregnant Mac strapped down to a table and a torturing fiend with jumper cables in his hands ready to dispense an immeasurable about of pain. He couldn't get away from it.

Chegwidden downed whatever was left of the drink in his hand. It wasn't the first time he'd been lied to by the agency or the SECNAV but, to know how far things had gone made him sick to his stomach. "I wasn't told that."

"I'm sure there were a lot of things you weren't told." Like the terrorist this was still at large and likely hunting them.

At that moment, AJ realized how much of a fool he actually was. To be fair, orders were orders and it would be career suicide to attempt and best the SECNAV. He was a good leader and one that prided himself with keeping his staff safe. This last year had been somewhat of a rollercoaster between Bud's injury, Harm's murder charge and his engagement to Meredith his order had been slipping. "I was _ordered_ to not let you back… At the time, I thought it was the SECNAV's way of teaching you a lesson." In away; he felt that Harm deserved it for being so reckless with Singer's murder. He couldn't have realized that something more was at hand. "I think I was played and I don't like being played."

"Why?"

"I am not sure but, I am going to find out." AJ didn't have the answers but, he was going to get them one way or another. "If I am able to fix this, do you want to come back to JAG?"

Harm hadn't thought about returning, as far as he knew any work with the Navy was now null and void. "I am not sure, sir. The things I've seen with the agency…there may be no going back."

"Don't be too sure. Just keep yourself safe, Commander. Please accept my apologies." AJ extended his hand out to the younger man who took it and shook. It wasn't a full pardon but, at least some peace was made.


	5. What Have You Done?

I hope this chapter comes out alright.

It was fun and difficult to write as I keep going round and round as to the why things happened between them. Then, I watched Lifeline last night and realized that a lot of conversations we writers love to re-hash were broken down in that episode - somewhat. I honestly had not watched JAG in so long I'd forgotten so many things about the Harm and Mac dynamic.

And if you like rock, look up "What Have You Done?" By Within Temptation. I swear, the lyrics breakdown Season 9 a little too well when it comes to Harm and Mac. Find the long version "Would you mind if I hurt you? Understand that I need to. Wish that I had other choices than to harm the one I love."

Chapter 5 – What Have You Done?  
"I, I've been waiting for someone like you  
But, now you are slipping away.  
Why? Why does fate make us suffer?  
There's a curse between us.  
Between me and you."

"What Have You Done?" By: Within Temptation

1040 ZULU  
JAG Headquarters  
Falls Church, Virginia

Dutifully, Mac stepped into Chegwidden's office and stood at attention as her commanding officer perused through a file that was over an inch thick. He groaned a few times, clenched his jaw and finally looked up the Marine standing before him. "At least, Mac… Take a seat."

Crap. Mac thought, he only called her by her nickname in his office when there was either a serious conversation or a heart to heart. Neither of them were something she was in the mood for. After returning from the ball, she had told Webb to go home and proceeded so spend the rest of the evening and all of Sunday sulking. No matter what she tried, her relationship with Harm was always in the forefront of her thoughts and she hated it. All she wanted was to love and be loved, it didn't have to be more complicated than that.

"Colonel!" The sound of Chegwidden's stern voice brought her out of her reverie. Mac stared at him with a deer in the headlights look. "Are you okay?"

"Yes, sir… Just a little tired." She confessed. Between the pain of her arm and thoughts of a certain CIA agent, Mac hadn't gotten much sleep. "My arm hurts a bit more than I care to admit."

"Are you taking your medication?"

"Yes." She lied. If Mac was completely honest, she was very good at disguising pain and even better at not taking any type of medication that could be potentially habit forming. She'd had her bout with alcoholism and wasn't about to become a drug addict as well. Seeing Clay fight an addiction to Oxycodone was traumatizing enough and she'd been tempted on more than one occasion to have a glass or two of his Flor de Cana and fall into a restful oblivion. Yes, a lot had happened since Paraguay. "It's getting better, sir. I started rehab last week." He answers were short and to the point. Given her current mood with her CO, Mac wasn't about to be pleasant. The man had been the instrumental on not letting Harm back into the military and she couldn't erase the berrating he'd given the officer after all he'd done.

Chegwidden knew she was lying but, accepted her answer anyway and went to the task at hand and navigate a minefield that he was thrown into without warning. "At the ball I had the chance to speak to Commander Rabb and he shed light on a few things I hadn't been privy to."

At the sound of his name, Mac groaned inward. Dear God, she couldn't even escape him at work. "Despite you being my commanding officer, the mission was classified. I was briefed not to speak to anyone. As was the Commander."

They had all been briefed, at length, over what they saw and what had occurred. The CIA considered the mission to be a total disaster. The stingers were meant to be recovered not destroyed. It was imperative that Sadik and as many of his associates were captured and interrogated and yet the terrorist was still at large and said associates dead. The diamonds that they'd used to barter with were also gone and likely being used to trade for some other weapon of mass destruction. Mac was pretty sure the CIA didn't care if any of them were alive or dead after the fiasco.

Then there was the tiny problem with double agents and those selling secrets to the wrong side. Hardy had screwed them over and Clay had pointed out that he believed there was a mole at Langley. This all made her concern for Harm's safety that much more paramount. "Colonel!"

Once again, Chegwidden's voice brought her out of thoughts. "Sorry, sir."

"Mac. Do you need more time off? You're starting to worry me." And it had nothing to do with her current demeanor. Mac's job had been suffering as well. Cases that were always a slam dunk for her were won but with much adversity. She wasn't herself anymore, a normal ray of light that would walk into the bullpen. Ever since Rabb's departure, she was sullen and unable to concentrate. It had gotten better after the first month but now, it had fallen apart again.

"I need to work, sir. Time off doesn't exactly help." No, the more she spent time by herself the worse the thoughts would be. In fact, she needed to ask Clay to stay the night, he had a way of making her laugh and keep her entertained. He kept her evil thoughts away.

Chegwidden had dealt with his own form of PTSD in the past, he knew what it was like when your very own mind was a prison. It was, indeed, better to be occupied. "Idle hands and whatnot?"

"Something like that."

Closing the folder in front of him, he picked it up and turned it so that Mac could read the cover. In red, the word 'ClassifIed' was stamped across the front flap. Beneath it the phrase 'Allotrope', the secret name given to the mission at Paraguay. "After speaking to Rabb I had to find out exactly what had happened. This reads like a bad soap opera."

"I'll bet." She snorted at the reference. "Sir, how did you obtain that?" Although Mac was sure she didn't have to ask. "The Commander gave it to you?"

"I will not confirm or deny. Safe to say no one on my staff is allowed near the CIA as long as I am Judge Advocate. This… all of this… it was unacceptable and I lost a good officer because of it. He's now playing spy games with the same agency that nearly got you two killed and I can't do a damned thing about it."

"Respectfully, sir. You did enough! I stood there when you berated Harm for leaving to do what you've always taught us to do – not leave our people behind. I realize you may not have had all of the facts then but, he went to rescue a fellow officer. Hell, you let me back in after I left to pursue personal gain."

Chegwidden studied her for a moment, he could see her wavering, holding back her anger because of rank. "I was ordered not to let him back in… SECNAV's order. As I told Rabb, at the time I thought they were making an example out of him. The whole thing with Singer's murder made us look bad and him going AWOL didn't help the situation even if it was to go after another officer. He undermined his Commanding officer and put more importance on something that he had no business being a part of."

"He did it to save me." She said simply and the let comment hang in the balance between them.

"Colonel, you took the job. You knew the risks. If the military took special interests on everyone who we thought was in danger there wouldn't be much of a military. Kershaw promised me you'd be safe, that you had back up. He also told me about Victor Galindez and I know that Gunny would rather have himself skinned alive than let you get hurt. Was I concerned? Yes. But, I had faith that the agency would bring you back in one piece." And it had been the truth up until Harm resigned his commission and contact with the CIA had become more than muddled.

Mac knew he was right, she had taken the case and knew the risk associated with it. There wasn't a gun to her head, she hadn't been forced. Why she took the case Mac knew stemmed from some hurt she felt after Harm's arrest and subsequent trial. They had become best friends again, spending time together out of work. It felt like the old days and just like that, he had this dark secret that she wasn't privy to. Indeed, it was like the old days. She had accused Harm of running away once and yet, she was doing the same. "I apologize, sir. We're like a family here at JAG and sometimes I forget that we have a job to do. And you are right, I knew the risks involved and the Commander had no business coming after me."

"I'm glad he did. This place just isn't the same without you… or Harm." It was the truth, the two officers brought a certain life to the office amidst their chaotic relationship. "Now, back to this file. Who is Sadik Fahd?"

A chill ran across her spine at the mention of the terrorist. The things that he had done to Clay haunted her at times when she was alone; she could still hear his screams. "They call him the Chameleon because he has this knack of blending in and disappearing. He was the one the CIA was after all along they just never anticipated how good he really was."

Chegwidden had read the file cover to cover multiple times and there was one little piece that he found missing. "He was never captured, was he?"

Mac shook her head. "No." She knew this to be true as Clay had kept close with his contacts in the agency during his convalescence. They were after him, hot on a trail and just as quickly the trail would run cold. "Permission to speak freely."

"Of course." Chegwidden said with trepidation finding a change in her demeanor, a darkness in her eyes that had shown itself at the very mention of the terrorist.

"I think I'm pretty strong and brave. I can take _a lot_ of pain and have several times since I've joined the Corps." She'd seen a lot in her life, dealt with emotional and physical pain. The thoughts of what Sadik could have done to her had been her undoing. "I don't want to go through the type of pain that Webb did." Mac confessed as a tear slid down her cheek. It was why she'd gotten so close to the spy to begin with - gratitude for him protecting her and shame that she thanked God it hadn't been her. "It was brutal and horrifying… If Harm had made it in five minutes later, I would have been next…They had me strapped to a torture table and ready to press car jumper cables onto my skin." And probably so much more.

Though Mac doubted that Sadik would have raped her, she was sure his men would have enjoyed the act. "I don't crack and wouldn't have given them a damned thing… I would have been tortured for it and I hate myself for being so scared of it and what he would do to me if he found me now." She was full out crying now and tears that she would not allow herself to cry streamed down her cheeks. Mac hated herself for being so vulnerable in front of anyone but, she couldn't hold the facade anymore. She buried her face in her hands and let out the sob that was threatening to choke her. Some Marine she was.

"I'l be right outside, Mac." The thing that had always made Chegwidden such a good leader was that he usually knew how to treat those in his command. Yes, he was gruff, tough and a force to be reckoned with but, he was human and realized that Mac needed time to cry in some sort of safe place. So, he stepped out of his office and afforded her some time. "Coates, get me two cups of coffee and those chocolate things the Colonel likes."

"Aye, sir." The yeoman stood from her desk and made a bee line out of the office and straight to the break room quickly producing the items requested of her. "Is the Colonel alright, sir? She hasn't been acting like herself."

"The Colonel is fine, Petty Officer. Just a little low blood sugar." Chegwidden leveled her with a look that stated he was not to be questioned. He took the items from Coates and went back into his office, walking in slowly as if he were navigating a minefield. "I brought you some coffee, Mac." He placed the drink on the desk in front of her and placed the small packet of Swiss Rolls right next to them. "We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to." He stated and slid back into his seat, grabbing the Classified file yet again, reading through certain areas as he sipped his coffee. "I am not going to send you to therapy, yet. You're going to fight me on it. I am going to give you some time to work it out but, if I don't see improvement in two weeks, it will be an order, not a request for you to see a counselor."

It had taken Mac several minutes for her to compose herself, once she did the Marine facade was back in place as if nothing had happened. "Understood, sir. I apologize for that, sir."

"No need… Without getting into too much detail, I've been through something similar and I've felt the same. I'd seen members of my SEAL team tortured and killed and yet I lived to tell the tale. I know what it can do to you which is why I've decided to send you TAD and get you out of Washington for a bit. It'll lighten your workload, get you out of the office for a few weeks and frankly take up a position that no one else wants to fill."

Mac perked up at his offer. Normally, she would argue against it, tell everyone that she was fine when she was anything but. However, the thought of leaving Washington for a bit sounded like the type of therapy that she needed. "What did you have in mind?"

1400 ZULU  
Camp Peary

Williamsburg, Virginia

Harm held a 9mm Sig Sauer in his hand, squeezing off several rounds in rapid-fire and nailing the target hanging several feet away from him. Being in the CIA had its perks, getting to use their training grounds was one of them. He took off at a dead sprint, dodging the simunition that was fired at him as he snuck behind the safety of a concrete wall. Harm adjusted his safety glasses and peered out from the corner trying to find where the shots had come from. He spotted the shooter standing behind a big stack of crates and exposing just enough for Harm to get a shot off and hit his target square in the chest. "All OPFOR are down. I repeat, all OPFOR are down." He spoke into the tactical communication unit at his throat and waited for the 'All Clear' to holster his weapon.

"I forgot how much that shit hurts." Jack Keeter, Harm's friend from Anapolis and now his partner said as he rubbed a spot where the OPFOR had shot him minutes earlier. He patted his friend on the back on a job well done. "At least one of us made it out alive."

"Told you not to round that corner." Harm had a knack for evasion and each training session just improved on a seemingly natural ability to engage in a shootout. Everyone on the team had been shot at least twice and yet, he'd made it out safe and sound. "So, that means your buying, right?"

"Yep. I am not the type to welch on a bet." The two men had only been partnered for a few days and already they had resumed that friendship and banter. It was like the years since Anapolis had gone nowhere. Keeter had bet a case of beer that Harm's luck was running out today, he was wrong. "I'll get you a case but, we're going out tonight too. I swear if I spent another evening hearing my girlfriend work on wedding plans I am going to shoot myself."

After cleaning up the two met up at the Green Leafe, a popular spot where spy's-in-training would go to let loose. They sat at a booth at the very back of the tavern and Harm glanced around surveying all ingress and egress points, as well as areas he could take cover should a gun-fight ensue. Being a field agent was teaching him to always been on the lookout and never left his guard down. Every place that he went he'd grown accustomed to searching for Sadik Fahd as he knew that, at some point, the man would come for him, Mac and Clay. "Never thought you'd be the type of get married." He said, when Keeter got off his cellphone after explaining to his fiance that he would be getting home late.

Keeter shrugged at the comment. There was a time where he was sure he'd be a bachelor for life. Gold wings and dress whites had certainly made him attractive to the opposite sex and he had enjoyed every second of it until he'd met Manal. They had met when he'd left the Navy to join the CIA in order to test pilot secret military planes that only existed in science fiction. Manal had been his handler and the two developed an attraction almost instantly. The woman was absolutely fascinating and stunning to him with exotic good looks. She was born from an Irish father and Egyptian mother giving her olive coloured skin, dark hair and light blue eyes. The combination attracted him from the start. "It hasn't been easy, I'll tell you that much. Kinda hard dating a woman when she's married."

"You didn't tell me that part."

"They had spit up before I came into the picture but, Manal always felt that she needed to try again and make sure before they decided to file for divorce. Turns out he was banging his secretary and here I was waiting patiently in the wings. Even when they split it took forever before I could make a move on her." That in and out of itself made Keeter realize just how special she was to him. In the past, he would have gone in for the kill, slept with her and made another notch on his bedpost. With Manal, he had waited nearly four months until she was ready to be with him and even then, he hesitated for fear that she'd made a mistake. "Speaking of relationships, how's Mac?"

Harm groaned at the sound of her name and the tone which Keeter used. The few times they'd spoke throughout the years, Jack had always sounded too enthusiastic when he asked about her. "You sound like my mother. She uses the same tone when she asks about Mac." Most of his interactions with Trish began the same, the usual pleasantries and then a 'How's Mac' before her pointing out how wonderful the other woman was. Even when he was dating Renee, Trish would always ask about Mac first. The kicker? The two women had only met three times in 7 years.

"Your mom is a smart woman." Keeter raised his empty glass, signaling the bartender that he needed a refill. A sly smile spread across Keeter's lips as he recalled his interaction with Mac in the desert. It was clear that the woman had a deep fondness of her partner and none of it was being reciprocated. "Spend some time in the desert with a pretty girl, you get a little attached to them."

"Thought you told me nothing happened." Neither Mac or Keeter had elaborated much on their time in the desert when Harm had flown a stealth plane out of Iran and left his friends behind as a bargaining chip. He knew that Mac was relatively safe with Keeter but knew his friend had a pension for seducing any woman he was with. Thoughts of Keeter involved with Mac made his skin crawl.

Purposely, Keeter evaded his friends question and went on to ask something that he already knew the answer to. Scuttlebutt around the agency had been rampant and as far as everyone knew, Sarah MacKenzie was very involved with Clayton Webb. "I take it you two slept together? I've always sensed this tension between you guys." He'd been in Washington just after the New Year and had taken Harm, Mac and Sturgis to dinner. That was when he'd noticed a shift in Harm and Mac's relationship, a tension that almost smothered him. "It has to burn to break up with the person you slept with and continue to see them every day at work."

For years, Harm figured that's what everyone thought about his relationship with Mac. Sturgis had mentioned it to him, hell even Renee saw the writing on the wall and yet, they couldn't cross the divide. "I've never slept with her."

"Well, there's your problem."

Sex didn't solve things, Harm knew that too well from his past involvement with two of his coworkers one of them being Kate Pike. They were great in bed together but that was all they were. Half of the time between the banter and sexual innuendos his career as a JAG officer had nearly tanked. He was letting his infatuation with her cloud some of his better judgement. "There's more to it than that."

"Then move on."

"I've tried, it doesn't work." If it were only that easy to forget her. Harm had tried to put his feelings aside when Mac had decided to marry Mic and up until their recent run-ins, he'd done a excellent job at keeping her away.

"Why not?"

"Cause I'm in love with her…" Harm said suddenly and stared down at his shot of bourbon, looking into the drink as if it could magically rewind the last parts of their conversation. Truth was, he loved her so much it hurt and her words in Paraguay served only to break his heart into a million pieces. "Did I say that?"

Keeter stared at his friend, mouth agape at the admission he was sure he'd never hear. During their time at Annapolis, he'd lived through Harm's various infatuations which culminated with his dating Diane. "I'm not sure I've ever heard you say that about anyone, including Diane. And don't worry, your secret's safe with me. But, you might want to tell her before you lose her to the spook."

"I may have already lost her, Jack… She told me we would never work out."

"Mac's in love with you, I can't believe she would tell you that unless you did something stupid." Through the years Keeter had learned that Harm had a habit of torpedoing all of his relationships. It was as if his friend just could not stand the thought of being happy. "Don't you want to be happy?"

Harm scoffed at the question, "Of course I do but, with Mac everything's complicated."

"No, buddy. _You_ make it complicated. You made it complicated with Diane. You made it complicated with Annie and you even make it complicated with your mom and step dad. Love does not have to be so complicated. Whatever bullshit of the past you are holding on to, let it go before it becomes a noose."

Harm stared at Keeter, words that he'd heard before hit him like a ton of bricks. He had let go, hadn't he? Wasn't that why he went after Mac in the first place? Rescue and get the girl? "Keeter, if she's in love with Webb it doesn't matter what I want."

Keeter threw his hands up in the air in frustration. "For such a smart guy, you can be such an idiot, Rabb. Figure it out before you lose her for good and become that poor, old bastard, alone at a bar and blubbering about the one that got away."

"I don't know how." Harm said, shoulders slumped as if the confession cost him something. "I said a lot of nasty things to her. I don't know how to make it right." With Mac he was often saying the wrong things, sticking his foot in his mouth. It just wasn't fair that he could be so damned good in a courtroom and such an idiot with matters of the heart. Not returning her calls had not helped his situation any but, what was he supposed to do? He was hurt and hadn't been ready to rehash their conversation. So, he ran away and ignored her, Mac was right years ago - running away was his M.O.


	6. All I Need

So, I am not sure when we're doing the next update. I am going to be busy in the next few weeks with work and I start training for my 29th half marathon.

For some reason, in 2013, I decided to start running. It was a push from my best friend and watching DJE run triathlons and a Tough Mudder. It has brought some amazing people into my life and a passion for something that is so rewarding. It is one of the best feelings in the world to cross a finish line with hundreds to thousands of strangers cheering for you. I love it!

Anyhoo... on with the show and this is a chapter I would love to see on TV. I honestly do love having Harm and Mac talk to each other and make it sound like something they'd actually say.

Chapter 6 - All I Need  
"Don't tear me down for all I need  
Make my heart a better place  
Give me something I can believe  
Don't tear me down  
You've opened the door now, don't let it close"

"All I Need" By Within Temptation

1230 Zulu  
Mandarin Oriental  
Miami, Florida

Chegwidden's plan for Mac had been a breath of fresh air. For two weeks she'd been assigned TAD to US Southern Command in Miami. She was on the bench, serving as Judge as the base had been understaffed when one of the judges went on maternity leave.

The hotel she was staying at was a mere 8 miles from the beach and Mac took full opportunity of Miami's year round beach weather. She'd rent a chair and umbrella, lathered up with sunscreen and sat for hours reading by the ocean. The sounds of the waves soothed her and she found herself feeling whole again.

Everyday she had spoken to Webb who called before she went to bed. He'd been fully reintegrated back into the agency and it would not be long before he was sent on field assignments. This both pleased and troubled Mac. It pleased her to put some space between them and yet, it troubled her to know he could get hurt.

They had yet to cross the line and become lovers though her resolve was starting to waver more than ever. She needed to make up her mind and stop leading him on, it wasn't fair to him. Which was why Mac had decided to invite him out to Miami for the remainder of her stay. Webb had agreed and made reservations at The Mandarin Oriental hotel and one of their posh restaurants. Clay was supposed to meet her for dinner yet there she sat, alone and starving.

She opted to order without him figuring his flight was delayed by the impending storm over South Florida. The last thing she expected when a man in suit slid into the chair opposite her was one Harmon Rabb Jr. "No… No, no, no. You _can't_ be here. How the the hell did you know where I was?"

Harm wore a dark grey suit with no tie. His hair was just slightly longer than his military cut and he was sporting a little more than a five-o'clock shadow. To say he looked attractive was a understatement and Mac hated herself for the one wicked thought that briefly crossed her mind.  
"Webb told me where you were. And he isn't coming." He stated matter of factly and with a little too much smug satisfaction. "Work kept him in Washington."

She leaned back and stared at him for a moment wondering how Clay had just let Harm weasel his way down south. "And you decided to take his place?"

"I couldn't wait for you to get back to Washington. You weren't answering my calls."

Mac couldn't help the grin of satisfaction that spread on her lips. He now knew what it was like to be ignored. "Doesn't feel very good does it?"

Before Harm could respond, a waiter came to the table, refilling Mac's sparkling water and turning to Harm. "Welcome, sir. Would you like something from the bar? Ma'am, maybe some dessert for you?"

"No." "Yes." They both said at the same time but, it was Mac who waved the young man off. She didn't want to sit at a restaurant and have any conversation with Harm. There were too many people around and she wasn't sure either of them would remain civil. "No, Alejandro, the check will be fine, I need to get going. Dinner was wonderful."

Harm quickly pulled out his wallet and gave Alejandro his credit card. "I'll get the check. And I am taking you back to the hotel, the company offered me a limo."

She knew it wouldn't be easy to brush him off just fact that he'd bother coming down to Miami made her realize he was a man on a mission. "Fine."

Once the billed was settled, Harm escorted her out of the hotel and stood beside her as they waited for the driver to bring the limousine around. "So, Clay told you where I was? That seems highly unlikely." And yet, it had been the truth although Harm couldn't understand why Webb gave her up so quickly.

He thought back to a conversation they'd had just a day prior when his attempts to talk to Mac were met by the sound of her answering machine. Desperately, he'd gone to Clayton Webb. ' _Where is she, Webb?'_

" _And why would I tell you? All you do is hurt her."_

" _Because I need to make things right between us. Because I love her. I need to talk to her, Clay. I need to talk to her and see if we can work things out and if we can't and she chooses you, then I'll turn the other way and never see her again. You have my word."_

Webb just sat at his desk staring at Harm with both admiration and shock. Sarah hadn't told him everything but, he knew how much she'd hurt over Harm. He'd hoped she would finally make her choice and believed this was the only way to find out. " _Miami, Florida. Pack a suit."_

"Harm, you coming?" Mac asked from inside the limo, bringing him back to the present.

"Yeah, sorry." He climbed in after her and took a breath, turning to Mac to find her looking away from him and out the window. It afforded Harm the chance to really look at her. She was wearing a simple black dress and although he'd seen her in sexier outfits when she sat he'd noticed the slit that revealed enough of her thigh to pique his interest. "Can we talk?" She turned to him then and Harm's eyes quickly glanced away from her thigh.

Mac wasn't exactly sure talking would help them anymore. They always wound up shooting hurtful barbs at one another. Still, there was something she needed to know although the answer would likely destroy her. "Did you sleep with her? Stephanie?" That had been her insecurity since the ball. All of these months Mac had been toying with Clay, keeping him at arms length because she couldn't let go of what she felt for Harm. How she dearly hoped that her mistake in Paraguay didn't push him into another woman's arms.

"Why does that matter?"

"Did you? I need to know."

Harm scoffed at the question and yet, he had his own version to ask. Part of the reason he couldn't call her back was his mind reliving the kiss between her and Webb in Paraguay. It was impossible that nothing else had happened between the two of them. "Did you sleep with Clay?"

"You don't get to ask me that."

"Oh, but you get to ask me about Stephanie?"

"Yes. You weren't the one calling your friend a dozen times over trying to ask for forgiveness. You just moved on as if I didn't even exist." Mac often wondered if she would ever see him again. Had it not been for the assignment in South Africa, Mac was fairly certain that their paths would never cross again.

"You told me we would _never_ work out… I took that at face value and figured _you_ didn't want anything to do with _me._ " Although he'd been mildly curious about her calls, he just couldn't bring himself to contact her, he was angry and hurt.

Mac sighed deeply. The wound that was Paraguay seemed to never heal. If only she could have foreseen her mistake before she'd made it. If only she hadn't gone on that assignment. What then? Would they have been together or kept the same dance? One thing was clear to her, "I didn't mean what I said."

"Bullshit! You meant what you said, Mac. I could see it in your eyes. You needed a clean break and went straight for the jugular." It bothered him that she would insult him in such a way. He saw the look in her eyes, the determination of putting an end to them. Harm just couldn't understand why. He saved her and should have kept the girl.

"I was hurt, you idiot!" She yelled at him, unable to control the emotions that bubbled to the surface. A brilliant attorney he was but when it came to her and matters of the heart, Harm was a completely aloof. "You really don't understand how much you hurt me, do you? You side swiped me, threw my past back in my face. That line about my exes being dead and Webb nearly winding up there as well…. It was a low blow. I couldn't take it anymore." He couldn't see the look on her face when she turned away from him back in Paraguay, the hopes that he wouldn't realize what she said had been a lie.

"Oh," He'd forgotten about that night and the poisonous words that had spewed from his mouth. It wasn't him talking but a jerk that he kept deep inside that hurled insults when he was hurt. Keeter was right, he complicated the hell out of everything. "We said a lot of things we shouldn't have."

"We? You tabled the conversation like you do every time things get heated between us. I just wanted a definitive answer as to why you risked everything for me and you're cryptic and insulting. I was almost tortured and killed. Excuse me if my emotions got the best of me and I needed a little break from the overload."

"Is that why I saw you kiss Webb? Did your emotions get the best of you then?" Again, his memories of her kissing Webb played in the back of his mind. He couldn't let it go.

"I thought he was going to die. I needed him to know it wasn't all in vain." Mac hadn't seen the harm. It had been one simple kiss with nothing else but gratitude attached to it. After that, she'd spend the rest of her time with Harm and chose not to stay with Clay when Gunny had brought him back to the hotel. Mac couldn't understand why it bothered Harm so much. "I'm sorry it bothered you but, me kissing Clay wasn't reason enough for you tell me the things you did."

Harm was never sure how to win with her. It wasn't so much that she had kissed Clay but rather the fact that she hadn't even acknowledged his part in saving her life. As much as it pained him to admit it, he needed her to thank him. "What do you want from me, Mac? You do _really_ need me to state my intentions? Me resigning my commission wasn't a statement enough for you?"

"Did you sleep with her? Just answer me that." The question came up again and Mac was determined to keep asking it until he gave her an answer. It was the only way she could make a choice and stop the dance once and for all.

It would have been easier to tell a lie and move away from the ticking time bomb that she'd placed in his hands. Harm knew she'd see past it so he had no choice but to tell the truth and damn himself in her eyes. "Yes."

Mac had known, the way the pair moved together as they danced at the ball had an air of familiarity. She needed the confirmation although she wasn't prepared to hear that he'd been with another woman. In her heart, the final nail had been driven into the coffin, she was giving up on him, on them. The thought made a tear fall from her eye. "Then this is through. There's nothing more to say."

"Why does it matter if I did? You're no angel, everyone in DC knows you've been fucking Webb." Harm couldn't help himself and as the words came out of his mouth he knew how much of an ass he really was.

Without warning, Mac's hand came at him, slapping him hard against his cheek. This was a blow too slimy even for him. "Then they know something I don't."

Harm saw the tears falling from her eyes and knew she was speaking the truth. All of these months he kept replaying the same scene over and over in his mind: Mac kissing Webb at the hacienda. It made him furious, jealous. "Mac… I..." He could barely get her name out, bile had risen in his throat. Why did they keep hurting each other so much? The only reason he'd gone to Stephanie was to heal the pain he'd felt at Mac's rejection. She was fun and smart, someone to lose himself in and forget that his broken heart lay scattered somewhere in Paraguay.

He expected that Mac had moved on with Clay but never quite understood all of the phone calls and messages which he chose to delete and not answer. Harm didn't want to hear from her. He wanted to hate her and make it easier to move on.

"I've _never_ had sex with Clay. Sure, he's stayed over, we've kissed. I took that stupid trip to Germany with him because I _needed_ to get away. Not that I have to explain myself to you but, I just haven't been ready to be with him. I couldn't." After today, that would likely change.

Harm was relieved though he felt he didn't have a right to be not after he'd betrayed her. "Mac, I'm sorry." He said as he wiped her tears away with the pad of his thumb. "I'm not in love with, Stephanie."

"And, I'm not in love with Webb." She clarified, in case he had any more doubts as to the nature of her relationship with the spy.

Harm didn't know what came over him, the control he'd held onto for years shattered. Out of it's own volition, his hand slowly moved across and came to rest on her exposed thigh. Once his skin touched hers, he felt a lick of flames, a sensation that burned his hand and shot up his arm and into his body.

Mac felt the same sensation as a look of shock registered in her face. He'd never so much as attempted anything remotely touchy feely with her past a few hugs. Misreading the look on her face, Harm made to pull his hand away when she trapped it under her own. "Don't pull away."

"I'm sorry." He said with a deer-in-the-headlights look. Harm took a deep breath and swallowed hard, his voice shaky as he spoke. "I can't keep dancing around this with you anymore."

Mac had never seen him like this, on the edge of control and ready to tumble over. "Then don't." She desired him for so long that the ember that began burning years ago was relit by his touch. "We don't work together anymore. The only thing stopping us from being together is us."

"It's much more to it than that, Mac. We have so many things to talk about. It's complicated." He said, finally slipping his hand out from under hers.

"Stop making simple things complicated." Mac took a breath, deep, wavering what she said next sounded desperate and she hated herself for it. She was like an addict trying to get a fix. "I want you. I always have. _I want you._ " She was throwing herself at him again knowing full well how bad it would hurt if Harm turned her away.

Her tone of voice so vulnerable and desperate made him unable to conceal his own desire. He breathed out deeply and opted not to fight anymore and give in to his own unbearable desire. Slowly, he leaned into Mac until his lips met hers.

His arms wrapped around her as best he could while sharing the back of the limo and Mac allowed him to pull her closer to him. His mouth on hers took her breath away, it was like the air had been sucked out of the space that they shared and yet, she wanted more. She needed to be consumed by him, filled and sated.

Mac deepened the kiss and held him to her when Harm tried to pull away. She had practically slid into his lap, hands roaming across his chest, tracing his muscles through the fabric that covered him. His mouth left hers only to kiss his way to her neck which he nuzzled gently.

They barely realized the limo had come to a stop if it hadn't been for the driver calling them over the intercom. Somehow, they managed to keep it together and step into the hotel and onto the waiting elevator. That was when the magnetic charge between them forced Harm to pull her towards him. His hands began to roam then, sliding over her curves and down to cup her backside. Mac gasped at the touch and pushed her body closer to his, they only thing separating them the fabric of their clothes.

Once they arrived at her floor, Mac fumbled with her purse, trying to dig out and use the key card to open her door as Harm placed kisses on her neck. She didn't know how they got to this moment and was trying her hardest to continue what they had started.

Desire couldn't make him wait any longer and the soft bed that he'd dreamt of making love to her in seemed so far away. Instead, when they stepped into her hotel room, he pushed her against the closed door and took her mouth passionately with his own. Harm heard her moan then, a sexy, husky tone that made him yearn for her. "Harm." His name on her lips took a tone that he'd never heard before and it was all he could do to not ravage her. Dear God, this woman had been put on Earth to be his undoing.

Mac's hands came down to his belt and she fumbled with the clasp in hops of freeing the hardness that she felt pressed up against her as they kissed. As her hand grazed him through the fabric of his pants, she heard him growl, his breath hitching when her fingers managed to unbuckle his belt and start to work on the button and zipper of his trousers. 'I want you." She stated again the words making him groan.

Harm's hand had slid up the slit of her dress and under her panties, his fingers touching the skin he'd fantasized in touching. It caused her to arch herself against him, her breathing a turning into panting as he touched her intimately.

A sudden ring cut through whatever magic had been weaved between them and she heard him curse under his breath as one hand left her body and fished through the pocket of his sports jacket. "Rabb." He choked out, his own breathing rapid and ragged. 'Yes, of course. Miami International, an hour, yes. Understood." Harm spoke into his phone and cursed again as he slid it back into his pocket. He pressed his forehead against hers and closed his eyes hoping to gain some control as his hands came away from her. "I'm sorry, Mac. I have to go."

Mac knew what was going to happen before he even said it. She could feel the change in him, the pulling away. "No."

"I'm on call. I thought we'd have more time." When he'd traveled to Miami, Harm knew it was on borrowed time. He'd been waiting for the agency to green light their current assignment but hadn't figured it would be so soon. "I'm sorry, Mac. Things just keep getting in the way."

"Come to me." She said to him and then placed a soft kiss on his lips. "Whenever you come home, come to me...I'll be waiting."

Harm cupped her face as he kissed her back, slow, passionately and hoping to pour everything he felt for her into one kiss. "Wait for me, Sarah." And just like that, he he was gone.

OKay, so fun facts for this one. The scene up against the door of the hotel is actually for something else I was writing a while back. It's been sitting in a hard drive for years and was going to be a story about Webb being bad and trying to kidnap Mac. I may have written something like it in the past, I can't remember anymore.

Anyway, in the middle of their make out session, they would find that Webb was watching the entire thing. There was a creepy aspect to it that I loved but, it doesn't fit in with this story. I am saving the original which is much more steamier as Mac is half naked when they realize Webb was watching. Maybe it will see the light of day at some point. It won't be today though. ;)


	7. Enter

Mucho sorry for the delay in this one. Work, work and work got in the way.

This chapter was also a little weird to write. It's probably a "junk" chapter but, one that I had to put together. Originally I had an idea (for months really) of Mac telling Harm to come to her and he does but, it was creepy. As in, he has the key to her apartment and just shows up and slips into bed with her. All fantasies aside of having Harm slip into bed with you, it was just awkward and something I just could not see Harm doing. So then came the re-write.

I also wanted Mac to have a normal day out with a friend and have a normal "girl time" conversation with a friend. I know TPTB probably didn't find them interesting but, I love some of the mundane day to day conversations that Harm could have had with Sturgis or Bud or Mac with Harriet and maybe even Coates. Despite HATING the JAG: San Diego episode because of Vic, I found that girl talk moment in the bathroom relatively cute.

Chapter 7 - Enter  
"Come Near Me  
Enter my private chambers,  
I want to feel the warmth on my face,  
light-in darkness,  
lift me up from here."

"Enter" by Within Temptation

1700 Zulu  
Starbucks  
Georgetown

"Do you think the top is a little too dressy?" Lieutenant Harriet Roberts asked as she pulled out a flowy red blouse - a recent purchase and studied it for a moment. For the last few years, she and Mac had gone out once a month on a girls shopping day. They would get manicures and pedicures, chat about girl things and shop. It would culminate with lunch and a stop at Starbucks.

Since her return from Paraguay, Mac had avoided it. There were too many things going on inside of her that she was afraid to talk about with Harriet. She'd been such an emotional train wreck and knowing how much her friends loved Harm, Mac doubted Harriet would be receptive to hearing about her involvement with Webb. "I think it's cute. You could wear it with jeans and dress it down some."

Harriet glanced over at one of the smaller bags that Mac had placed in a chair between them. Trips to Victoria Secrets were usually for nothing more than normal underwear until she spotted Mac glancing at items in the lingerie section. The baby doll and thong set that the other woman had purchased was certainly the type of outfit that a woman brought to seduce. It was see-through in all of the right places and left little to the imagination.. She briefly wondered if the scuttlebutt was true and Mac had purchased the set for the spy. "The lingerie is cute. I pull out the sexy underwear from time to time. I find it helps Bud out when he's having a tough week." She with with a lopsided smile.

"I haven't bought anything sexy in years, haven't really needed to." Mac said and realizing that the last time she'd worn lingerie was for Mic. That had been nearly three years ago. Dear God, had in been that long since she'd had sex? The thought was depressing.

"I hope Mr. Webb enjoys it." Harriet said without thinking and instantly the colour drained away from her face. "Oh, my god. Ma'am, I apologize, that was way out of line. It's not my business who you date."

Mac should have been annoyed but, the way that Harriet back peddled just made her laugh. "It's okay, Harriet. I'm not involved with Webb. No matter what you hear, it never got that serious." She still needed to talk to Clay and let him down gently although Mac suspected he knew exactly why Harm had followed her to Miami. Come to think of it, the spy hadn't even called her since she returned. Maybe it was for the best to leave what transpired in Paraguay far from their lives. He saved her and they escaped, end of file.

Harriet had never known how exactly what had transpired months earlier. She'd known that the senior officer had been sent on a classified mission and that the Commander had followed along, resigning his commission to do so. It was all rather cryptic and Mac had been distant since her return. "Oh, thank goodness. I want you to be happy and if you are with him, I understand but…. You know, never mind."

"Clay and I went through a harrowing experience. He protected me and I guess I grew a fondness for him. Part of me wanted it to work out but, I knew it wouldn't." Which was the truth. She and Webb was a powder keg ready to blow. Relationships that grow from stressful situations never seem to work out but, Mac was tired of failing. Webb at least knew what he wanted which was refreshing rather the push and pull from Harm.

"The lingerie is for Harm." Mac confessed and was unable to stop the blush that crept into her cheeks or the wicked smile on her lips. The venture to Victoria Secrets hadn't been for anything sexy but, the moment she spotted the wine red, see through baby-doll she had a vision of her seducing Harm. His hungry eyes staring at her as she stood waiting to be unwrapped by him.

Harriet nearly choked on her drink at the very mention of his name. If it wasn't for Webb, she wasn't going to pry as to why Mac needed that kind of lingerie; some women would wear it to feel sexy. Mac confession only served to delight her. After so many years, had they finally made it work? "You're together? Mac, this is the best news I've heard in a long time."

Were they together? Mac wasn't sure although the way that they'd kissed and the likelihood that they would make love that night one week ago was evidence that something had started. She hadn't really talked to Harm since then save for one quick call from him to let her know he was alright. From what she knew of CIA assignments he could be gone for a few days to a few months without much communication - a thought that worried her. "He followed me to Miami and we kissed. Something more would have happened but, he was called in." Maybe it had been presumptive of her to buy something so sexy. It was evident that he wanted her but, it was going to take something more than sex to keep them together.

"Kissing is a start. A good start. The Commander is crazy about you, ma'am. You should have seen him when you went on that assignment. He wasn't himself. He looked so lost and heartbroken." She hated seeing her friend like that and although Bud had assured her that Mac would be alright, Harriet could see from Harm's face that it was anything but. He was acting like a man who had lost his only reason for being.

Mac stared at her friend and sighed. Did everyone know that they were attracted to each other? Were they that transparent? And here she thought she was doing a good job at concealing her feelings for him except for that little slip in front of Sturgis.. "You know, I told him once that I was interested in him. Harm just wasn't ready."

"That's when you wound up with Mic, wasn't it?" Harriet didn't know the details but, was very surprised to find her friend coming back from Australia with an engagement ring. Although she liked Brumby, she just didn't understand how all of that happened. "You wouldn't have been happy if you married Mic."

"You never said anything back then."

"It wasn't my place to. You looked determined to be happy and the two of you made a nice couple. But, there were times that I'd catch you looking at Commander Rabb in ways an happily engaged woman shouldn't." Especially after Mac' engagement party. Something had happened although she couldn't pinpoint exactly the what. The two weeks between the engagement party and the rehearsal dinner, Mac had been different, distant. Harriet had caught her staring at Harm a time or two with the looks of a woman filled with longing and doubt. "Maybe I should have said something. I guess I was a bad friend."

"You weren't a bad friend, I would have stubbornly told you that everything was alright. What I regret is hurting Mic and Renee, it's not their fault they got caught in the middle of our chaos." She only hoped that Mic could forgive her and be happy.

"When's the Commander coming home? Little AJ has been asking about him and frankly, he hasn't spoken to any of us since he left JAG."

Mac shrugged, wondering the same thing. "Don't hold that against him. Harm hasn't exactly been in the best head-space. A lot of things have gone on. I may have said things that hurt him and I think he just took it out on everyone." She defended him then, hoping their friends wouldn't hold a grudge for his lack of being present. They both adored their colleges that had become more than friends and something of a family.

It didn't upset Harriet as she knew his new position had to take some adjustment and special training. Bud on the other hand was concerned that his friend and mentor hadn't contacted them. "Well, when he comes back, please tell him that his friends miss him."

"I will." She promised before the two went their separate ways.

During her drive home Mac wrestled with the idea of returning the lingerie. It was too sexy and brazen and definitely not anything she'd worn before at least not that see through. Concern for him pushing her away suspended any thoughts on seducing him. She'd been forward with him once and it all resulted in him not being able to let go. Despite it being years ago, Mac still felt insecure and wasn't sure that would ever go away.

She made it up the steps to her apartment building only to find the object of her desires standing in front of the elevator. Harm smiled when he saw her but, resisted the urge to pull her into his arms. "You told me to come to you."

"I did. When did you get back?" From the looks of him it had been fairly recent. Harm seemed exhausted, his bright eyes hiding something dark that was clearly bothering him.

"Couple of hours ago." There had been a debrief, of course and then he'd gone to his apartment in the attempts of getting some rest. As it happened with all of his crazy assignments, he was still wired, blood tingling underneath his skin. He'd slid into his car just to drive around the city and hope that the anxiety would wind down. Somehow, he found himself outside of Mac's apartment trying to find the nerve to knock on her door. "Want to go have some coffee?"

"I ah... I just got back from lunch and coffee with Harriet but, if you want to come up, I'll brew some for you. I was just going to work on a case, I could use the help." She could feel her heart beating so hard against her chest she was sure Harm could hear it. Mac wanted him here, she wanted him to stay even if all they did was sit quietly on her sofa. "Please, come up."

And he did only to find a mess of papers and books scattered along her coffee table along with a copy of the UCMJ. "Looks like the Admiral wasted zero time putting you back in the saddle." This wasn't just from one case, he could tell. Another item he noted was a 9mm Sig Sauer pistol resting on the ledge of the coffee table almost as if acting as a paper weight for a couple of files.

Mac eyed the mess and shrugged, it really had begun to take over her home and office. "Remember Carolyn Imes?"

"Yep. Beat her six times in court." He said smugly garnering a laugh from Mac.

"Yeah, well, she's not really a lawyer."

"I could have told you that." By the look that Mac had shot him, he'd been right on the money. "What did you mean by that?"

"She never passed the bar, Harm." How they could have missed that little tidbit for so long just baffled Mac. Didn't the Navy check those sort of things? Imes was in deep water with the likelihood of heavy brig time for fraud. The whole thing rather saddened Mac who had once been friends with the other woman. "Some of us fight hard to keep women in the military, this is a step back. Bud and I are defending her, I need all the help I can get."

"I guess it's time for one of my dispassionate plans… I'll take you up on the coffee." He made his way to the sofa, tossed his keys on the side table and began going through one of the files, selecting the ones where he'd been opposing counsel. His eyes fell to the pistol again and he watched her retreating form as Mac made her way to the kitchen. There was a bulge on the small of her back something that wasn't noticeable unless you were taught to look for it. Mac had a gun on her.

Following her to the kitchen, Harm leaned against the counter, watching as she made coffee. "Why all of the firearms, Mac? I know you're packing."

Nonchalantly, she pulled the weapon out of the holster at the small of her back and placed it on the kitchen counter. "I feel safer with it on me.'

"What are you afraid of?" Although he knew he didn't have to ask. She had to have been concerned about the same thing he was, only he was actively searching for their aggressor.

"One day Sadik is coming for me; for us. I'm prepared to fight this time." The steel in her voice and the look in her eyes made him realize she meant it. Knowing Mac how he did, Harm was sure she had spent a fair amount of time at the gym and the range preparing.

"You don't have to worry about him. The Agency is keeping tabs on his whereabouts." Though he wanted to believe that the Agency would nab the terrorist, Harm had been on the wrong end of several mistakes - some of which had cost people their lives. She had a right to be worried.

Mac snorted, "Yeah, they've done such a good job at keeping people safe. Have you even found the mole at the agency?" At the knowing look that he shot him Mac smiled. "Webb told me once that Kershaw believed there was a mole. I figured it was Hardy but, seeing as he was killed and things kept happening, Clay thought there was more than one."

"I hope not." As they waited for the coffee to brew, Harm studied Mac a little longer. She seemed tired with dark circles under her eyes. "You haven't been sleeping well, have you?"

"No but, you haven't either and when's the last time you ate?" She had jokingly called him 'stickboy' once and although he was still strong and muscular, she noted he looked thinner. "I have some leftover lasagna from last night. I'm heating it up for you." And by the sound of her voice, there was no arguing otherwise.

Hours later, they sat side by side Harm with one file and Mac with another. "I can't see all of these cases getting overturned. The Navy isn't going to let a convicted murderer out of jail. All the evidence points that he did it and Imes' case was ironclad. This is exhausting, I'd rather work on the budget report." Annoyed, Mac chucked the highlighter she was using at her coffee table. She sat forward, putting her head in her hands and rubbing her temples where an ache had developed. The law had always held a fascination for her - the way that words could be used to create a specific outcome. This time, she doubted that any words would save Carolyn Imes and it bothered her greatly.

Harm watched her for a moment, the way her body hung with a defeated posture. He hated seeing her like this but, knew how hard she fought for women in the military. "We'll figure something out." He said, as he moved closer to her and his hands began to knead the muscles on her shoulders. "Jeez, Mac you're like a brick."

"I'm a little stressed." Which was ironic considering her trip to Miami was designed to not be stressful. "Right there." He always knew how to massage her shoulders, hitting the right spots of tight muscles that seemed to melt themselves into his touch. Mac couldn't help moaning when he hit a sweet spot and released as his thumb made circles over the knot. And then, just was quickly as he'd begun his ministrations, Harm had stopped. "Why did you...mmmm." That was when he turned her head to face him and kissed her.

He'd been able to keep it together for the last few hours, they'd been working, discussing his cases against Imes and some where she was co-counsel. It felt good, familiar and like they'd gone back in time when things had been simple. When he saw her body hunch over he did what he usually did and work on the muscles he knew would tense up around her shoulders. He expected Mac to stop him at some point, thank him and then continue with work. This time though, her soft moans had done things to him and before he could stop himself he was kissing her.

Mac kissed him back with ardor, trying to push him back into the sofa which only resulted on him falling to the floor, taking her with him. "Oooof." He groaned when Mac landed right on top of him. Harm couldn't help but laugh, nothing between them seemed to come easy. Mac too laughed at their predicament and yet still kissed him between fits of laughter. It was when her hands tried to pull off his shirt that Harm stopped her. "We can't, Mac." He hated telling her that when the evidence of his wanting her was straining against his jeans. I would be too easy to lose control and sleep with her right then and there but, he couldn't do that to her. "I leave again tomorrow morning and the last thing I want is for this to be like a one night stand."

"This is not going to be a one night stand. Far from it." The waiting game was over in Mac's eyes. Fine, he hadn't said everything she wanted to hear but, it was clear that he wanted her. She knew that, in some fashion, they loved each other and that was enough, more than enough.

When she made to kiss him again, Harm held her back though it pained him to do so. "I won't sleep with you and then sneak out in the morning. I don't want us to start like that. You deserve more." He owed it to her to make their first time special, even if it took forever for it to happen. "Don't be mad at me." Then there was also Sadik. He couldn't keep her safe if he was in bed with her.

Mac couldn't be angry with him, not with the look of sincerity and the storm of uncertainty that was brewing in the storm of his eyes. "You are just this way with me."

"And you should be flattered...Anyone else would have been a notch on my belt."

With a sigh, Mac laid her head on his chest. If she couldn't be with him intimately, she still wanted him there in her home. She needed him to stay. "Stay the night."

"Maaac." He tried to argue but, she silenced him with her hand on his mouth.

"Nothing has to happen just, please stay. Tell me you don't have a seabag in the car." She raised her head up and looked at him, the answer was clear - she'd taught him well.

"You know I always do."

"Then you can't argue with me,"

He couldn't argue with her anymore, not when those beautiful brown eyes were staring back at him with longing. "I'll go grab my seabag."

As promised, nothing happened between the two of them that night. Mac slept on her side of the bed and Harm on his until the nightmares began, reliving a mission where things had gone horribly wrong. _We can't help them_. He had told Keeter as the pair hid in the jungles of the Chaco. _If we give up our position, we're dead too._

But, Jack had been stubborn and Harm had to use the butt of his pistol to knock out his friend and protect their lives. In the distance, he could see two agents kneeling in front of several middle eastern men with rifles. He figured the agents would be shot, their murders quick and relatively painless. Instead, one of the terrorists had taken out a long knife and proceeded to slowly cut each of the agent's heads off. The memory was etched into his mind which relived the act like a movie each time he closed his eyes.

He woke up with a start, covered in sweat and panting as if he'd been running a marathon. His heart was beating a million miles an hour and it had taken him a few minutes to realize Mac had turned on the light and was talking to him.

"I couldn't do a damned thing." He told Mac, between deep ragged breaths. "Keeter and I were hiding while they took their time slitting two CIA agent's throats. We couldn't do a thing if not we'd compromise the mission and get ourselves killed in the process. Keeter wanted to save them and I had to knock him out in order for us not to be discovered."

Mac stared at his form, wanting to hold him but not knowing if that would make the situation worse. He was sitting on the edge of her bed, back to her and hunched over with his head in his hands. She wasn't sure if he was crying or not and couldn't fault him if this were the case. The story sounded familiar, almost like the Robinson's back in Paraguay. She and Webb couldn't have helped even if they wanted to - there was much more at stake than just two missionaries. The thought had always sickened her but, nothing would have come from bravado and she and Webb would have been killed instantly. Somehow, torture did not sound like such a bad thing. "Have you talked to someone?"

"The agency shrink? That doesn't help, Mac. More often than not, I drink myself to sleep." He'd caught himself doing that, drowning himself in a bottle of something or other when he'd come back on edge. "I'm sorry, you didn't need to know that."

Mac wrapped her arms around him then, hoping Harm would not push her away. "Please don't do that." It was how she started, drinking to numb the pains of her life - to sleep and not have it be so fitful. "That's how it started for me until one day I got my best friend killed." Harm was strong, stronger than she was and it would kill her to see him following an alcoholic's path. She was a dumb kid, he had so much more to lose. "You're stronger than this."

"I'm not always so strong. You've seen me at my breaking point, Mac."

"And you've seen me at mine. We're human, Harm. We can make mistakes but, drowning yourself in a bottle, you're better than that. You saw what it turned me into." She would never forgive herself for falling off the wagon and being so cruel to him. He'd forgiven her, of course but, it was still a moment she wished she could take back.

"I know. I just need to get the visions out of my head." He told her and then stood up abruptly almost causing Mac to fall from the bed. Harm began pacing like a caged animal almost as if he didn't know where he was or what to do. "I need to get going."

"You said you don't need to be a Dulles until six and it's barely midnight." She pointed out motioning to the digital clock on her nightstand. "Come back to bed." Mac used a soft tone, fighting the urge to demand him to return and get some rest - she knew he wouldn't hear her with a stern tone and was hoping whatever anxiety he was feeling would abate. She'd never seen him like this, out of control, unseeing and confused. The Harmon Rabb Junior she knew was always in control, calculating and unwavering. What the hell had the CIA done to him?

"I'm not going to be able to sleep, Mac. It's better if I head off, go for a run, something to get this energy out of my system." But, instead of leaving her room, he sat on the edge of the bed again and took several deep breaths. He didn't want to go.

Mac hated seeing him like this and yet she was probably the only person that understood. After Paraguay she'd spent several months not sleeping well. Nightmares had plagued her dreams along with the notion that Harm was one of the Brotherhood, as Clay had called it. Despite her using the spy to keep tabs on him, it was a matter of time before something like this happened and his life hung in the balance. "You don't have to sleep, just lay back and rest."

Harm had multiple fantasies of laying with Mac in this very bed. Visions of her on top of him, their bodies covered in sweat after an extensive love making. He never thought he'd ever wind up in her bed, it was a fantasy and just that. The emotional bagged between them was so full that it left no room for a relationship. He'd messed up with her and, at one point, he wasn't sure they'd get their stride back. When they did, he messed up yet again - then again Mac hadn't been a picnic either.

'Things are never going to work out between us.' The words echoed in his head. He still couldn't shake it or the thought of Mac kissing Webb. He was suffering from PTSD, he knew it. The mind had a terrible way of bringing up the oddest of details. In his reverie, Harm hadn't noticed that Mac had left the room and returned with with a glass of water and a small capsule that she offered. "What is that?"

"Passion flower, it's a natural supplement and helps with anxiety." Mac knew that visiting a psychiatrist after Paraguay would result in her being prescribed medication for insomnia and anxiety. So, she went a different route, recalling herbs that her Uncle Matt would use to help her dry out. It had calmed the withdrawals and was not habit forming. "You won't wake up drowsy, I promise."

He stared at the pill in her hand and reluctantly took it, washing it down with half the water. Just as reluctantly he laid back in bed and stared up at the ceiling. "I'm sorry about this, Mac."

"You don't have to apologize about anything. Especially after the mess I put you in." And it was certainly her mess. If she hadn't accepted the assignment, if she hadn't gone to Paraguay, Harm would never have resigned his commission. She slipped back into bed and turned to her side, leaning on her elbow. "I should have just stayed. You would have never had to resign your commission to follow me."

Yet, he knew her and duty wouldn't have allowed her to do that. "I wouldn't have stayed either, Mac. If it was me being tapped to help the CIA, I would have gone. We're both stubborn that way."

Mac had to chuckle at that. "We are." Something about this moment reminded her of Paraguay and the two of them sharing a bed. What would have happened if Gunny hadn't walked in with Clay? She recalled Harm leaning in, an expectant look in his eyes and what would have certainly been a shared kiss. He was looking at her the same way, his sea green eyes darkening in something that she hoped was desire. Yet, she had promised that nothing would happen tonight. Damn him, she thought and rolled onto her back before her emotions got the best of her. "Do you want me to leave the light on?"

Harm's heart was racing again but this time not from the horrors of a nightmare but the desire coursing through his veins. His eyes couldn't help but look at her parted lips and the want in her eyes. If she would have leaned in, if they would have kissed, he wouldn't have been able to stop it. He was grateful that she broke the spell and he wanted her even more because of it. "No, you can kill the light."

She did and made to settle in when his body slid up close to hers. "Something wrong?"

"Something right." He pulled her close to him, arms wrapping around her body. "You can relax, Mac. I won't bite." Harm joked as her body tensed at his touch. He wouldn't make love to her, not tonight but, it didn't mean that he couldn't hold her as she slept. He needed that type of closeness now and the false reality that everything would be alright. "Night, Mac."

It took her a few minutes to relax into him but, when she did, Mac found herself drifting off into the first night of restful sleep they'd both had in months.

Around 5am, Harm had woken and managed to slip quietly out of Mac's bed and to the living room where his seabag was. It was there that she found him fifteen minutes later, dressed in a flight suit and sitting on her sofa, tying his boots. "Flight suit, huh?"

With a flyboy grin, he turned to her and shrugged. "Being in the agency does have some perks. Unfortunately, I am not flying a jet this time. We're doing a humanitarian mission somewhere in Central America, C130 it is." Which was the equivalent of flying a bus. Harm hated it but, at least he was flying something and wouldn't be on the ground. "I didn't wake you did I?"

"Nice to know it's not all about spy games and terrorists." She scoffed knowing from conversations with Clay that 'humanitarian missions' were often anything but. Oh, it would start out that way and just as quickly turn into something else. "And no, I would have been up at this time to go for a run."

"You go for runs on Sundays?"

"I've been running almost every morning, at least a couple of miles. It helps with the anxiety." And on weekends, after her run, she would return back exhausted and ready for a shower and a nap.

Once he finished tying his boots, he stood up and walked to Mac who was leaning against the door jamb of her room. "Are you going to miss me, Marine?"

"Just your massages. I slept rather well last night, you did a good job getting all of the kinks out." She started up at him with a sheepish grin and was caught off guard when he leaned down and kissed her. It was soft, sweet and made her heart ache. He was leaving her again. "Please be safe."

On a sigh, he turned away from her and picked up his seabag. "I promise, I'll come home."

"Don't make a promise you can't keep."

"I haven't yet." And with that, he was gone.


	8. And We Run

Author's notes will be at the end of the chapter, if you are interested on my insights. ;)  
I had to post this one right away seeing as parts of it had been written for a while now.

Chapter 8 - And We Run  
 _"_ _And we run, with a lonely heart  
And we run, for this killing love  
And we run, 'till the heavens above  
Yeah we run, running in the dark  
And we run, 'till we fall apart  
And we run, 'till the heavens above"_

"And We Run" By Within Temptation.

1420 Zulu  
Bud and Harriet's Home

Mac pulled into the Robert's driveway noting that, for once, she was not the first person there. In fact, she was late by over an hour and by the indication of all of the vehicles before hers, she may have been the last to arrive. She'd been sent to investigate a mishap in Norfolk and a last minute interview had tied her up. Nevertheless, she'd made it.

There was no real reason for the get together Sturgis had suggested a group dinner as a way for him to introduce his new girlfriend, singer Varesse Chesnut to his friends. Somehow it had evolved into a barbecue at the Roberts' home.

Everyone had been invited, even Harm whom had spoken to Mac a few days prior. He hadn't been sure if he'd be in town but, would make every effort to join the group. By the look of his cherry red Corvette mixed between their friend's vehicles, he had made it alright. After leaving her apartment some weeks ago, he'd called twice which was all that his current assignment afforded. Yet again it felt as if they missed more than they connected.

Mac walked in through a side gate that connected to the large backyard and there she found the whole crew spread out with different activities. Sturgis and Varese were sitting at a picnic table chatting with Petty Officer Jennifer Coates. Mickey Roberts was playing soccer with little AJ. She didn't spot Harm until she came around a corner and found him helping Bud with the grill.

He was wearing a black Harley Davidson shirt and faded blue jeans. A simple combination but, in a word, he looked "Delicious." _Oh God._ Mac thought to herself and shook her head. "I didn't just say that out loud."

"Oh, but you did." When Mac turned around, she found Harriet standing behind her holding their youngest son, Jimmy. "I must say, I do agree although I do like a man in uniform as well."

Hmmm. There was something to the way Harm wore a specific uniform. She always loved when the season would change and he was in his, "Summer whites. There's just something about him in summer whites that does me in."

"Not dress whites, ma'am?"

Mac shook her head. "Nope. I find those a little overrated. Too many references to An Officer and A Gentleman, I guess."

Harriet laughed at the reference to the movie and motioned for her friend to follow. "C'mon, Mac. I could use your help."

Harm knew the instant that she'd walked into the yard, he could feel her eyes on him something that was both unsettling and exciting. They'd always had this quiet means of communicating and for some reason, he always seemed to know where she was. Now, without the need for military formalities and restrictions, it seemed to grow stronger. His eyes met hers and he was drawn like a moth to a flame but, before he could head her way, Sturgis had stopped him offering his friend a beer.

"You don't call, you don't write." It was meant to be a joke but, there was some meaning behind it. No one had heard from him, not a peep and suddenly he shows up at the Roberts' party. Sturgis had been meaning to speak with his friend and found the perfect opportunity when Varese excused herself to find the bathroom.

"Don't you start with me too, Sturgis. Bud and Harriet nearly raked me over the coals." He sought out Mac again, smiling as she laughed from a conversation shared between Harriet and Coates.

Sturgis turned to follow Harm's gaze nothing that his friend was mesmerized by the female Marine. He knew he'd been the only person to speak out about their relationship and often wondered if he should had let Mac's little secret slip two years ago. "She hasn't been the same without you here."

"And she missed me so much she was dating Clayton Webb." Once the words came out of his mouth, Harm wanted to kick himself. He hadn't meant them, had he? Was he still fixating on Mac's involvement with Webb even though she said it was null and void?

"Don't do that."

"Do what?" Harm stared at his friend then and took a deep pull of his beer.

"What you always do. You did the same crap with Diane… You pined after her like a lovesick puppy. Once you were with her, you found every reason to break it off and then acted like an ass when she dated someone else. It's like you sabotage all your relationships." Once he had arrived at JAG and while helping rebuild Harm's Corvette, the two had long conversations about relationships. It was then that Sturgis had realized that Harm always fought hard not to be happy. He wondered if it had been due to the trauma of losing his father at such a young age and then his mother remarrying.

"Have you been talking to Keeter? He brought up something similar and he says 'Hello' by, the way."

"You're working with Jack? How is he?" Now that was a mix that absolutely terrified Sturgis - two jet jocks with a pension for trouble. Keeter always had a way of instigating all sorts of shenanigans while in Annapolis resulting in Sturgis and Harm taking the fall. Jack was a good guy just a little too wired for military life.

"Really good, actually. Keeter's getting married soon."

Now that comment had Sturgis coughing up the swig of beer he'd taken. To say he was shocked was an understatement. "Keeter getting married?"

Harm whacked his friend in the back all the while laughing at his similar sentiment. "Shocked me too. Always thought you'd be the first from our ragtag gang to get hitched." As a preacher's son, he would have bet good money that Sturgis would have been assigned a wife to go along with his dress whites.

"Really? We all had bets at you and Diane getting married until you broke up." As far as Sturgis knew, Harm and Diane had been hot and heavy for quite a while and after the split his friend had become quite the gigolo, dating anything female with a pulse. By the time he was done at Annapolis, Harm had quite the reputation which proceeded him for much of his naval career.

"We fought like a married couple all of the time, it wouldn't have worked out. We tried again once I was out of flight school. We tried twice, actually." Harm confessed, something that he couldn't admit to himself until after Holbarth was dead. "I cared for her but, we were going separate ways - separate billets. We missed more than we connected."

Sturgis shook his head, unwilling to believe his friend. "Hundreds of service men and women make it work, Harm. Some living thousands of miles apart. Did you even love her?"

"Yes."

"Were you _in love_ with her?"

"There's a difference?" Playing coy never resulted in anything positive and yet, Harm couldn't help himself.

The was a deep resistance within Sturgis that prevented him from throttling his dear friend. Harm could be such an idiot at times or at least pretended to be. "You know there's a difference. You're in love with Mac." His friend didn't deny it, merely gave him a look that made him realize it was true. "How long are you going to wait for her?"

How long indeed. They had no more reasons to keep dancing around their feelings and yet, he had to. "We're working on it Sturgis… It's just that, this job… There are a few things out of my control at the moment."

"Here we go again…" Sturgis rolled his eyes and resisted, yet again, the urge to punch his friend. "You just can't help yourself, can you? You're determined to be unhappy."

"Look, that mission Mac went on came with some baggage. It's classified but, until I can make sure she's safe, we can't get involved. I can't watch her six if we're sleeping together."

Sturgis had wondered what type of assignments his friends had been sent on that had Harm out of the Navy and Mac acting like a stranger. "One day I expect you to fill me in on everything."

"One day I will." He clinked beer bottles with his friend in promise.

"Commander Rabb, I'm surprised to see you here." The two men turned to find Admiral Chegwidden standing behind them with his fiance, Meredith Cavanaugh by his side. "AJ said you had left JAG for the CIA."

"Meredith, good to see you." Harm hugged the woman and then shook hands with his former commanding officer. "Sir, good to see you as well."

Chegwidden regarded the younger man for a moment, noticing his tired eyes and a smile that wasn't quite genuine. There was still a resentment there which he hoped he would fix at some point. "Harm, how are you?"

"Doing well, sir. The agency is keeping me on my toes, as usual."

"Sturgis, Meredith, excuse me and Harm for a moment." He motioned for Harm to follow. They walked around the property and to the front yard, making sure they were out of earshot and alone. "I received a call from Kershaw that I need to speak to you about. He mentioned this Sadik character and from what little the Colonel told me, he seems to be very dangerous."

Harm nodded agreement. "He has an ability to adapt to every situation and hides well. We have reason to believe he's begun a new training center in Bolivia. HIs network is expanding despite the damage Mac and I caused. I was flying humanitarian missions which was really a cover for us to drop weapons to agents in the area without the locals knowing what we were up to. Last month, a few of our men were killed in a shootout in the Chaco at Paraguay, two others had their throats cut. The strong belief is that whatever was left of Sadik's men were picking up equipment from various haciendas they had in the area and moving them. Add to the belief that there is likely a mole in the Agency. It's a shit show, sir." When Mac and Webb were originally sent in the CIA didn't realize how far reaching Sadik's territory actually was. There had been dozens, some of them masked as precious farmlands and run by locals who had been on his payroll. He used the locals to store all sorts of military equipment that he'd obtained through various methods.

"If he's in South America, why did the Deputy Director tell me to double security at JAG and have someone discreetly follow Mac?"

Ah, then there was the baggage Harm had referred to and the thing he was fearing the most. "We have reason to believe that he has an associate watching Mac. Sadik is coming for her, we just don't know when." The notion made him sick to his stomach especially knowing he was useless at the moment.

"How are you so sure?"

"There was an attack on Victor Galindez His car battery blew up in his face. Gunny is alright but, from what the tech's at Langley could decipher, it was supposed to kill him. The rigging was done wrong." Harm was fairly certain Sadik would go after Webb as well but, the spy was currently working in Europe and had a fairly large security detail with him.

"Jesus Christ. This is the last time any of my staff is on loan to any department. She was supposed to be safe, so were you." And that is what he hated the most, knowing that he could have stopped it before it began. AJ knew there was a degree of danger to the mission Mac had chosen to take part in, he just never thought she would be _this_ unsafe. Typically, when the came back from an assignment, any baggage was left behind. What had he done? "Why did Kershaw order me not to tell Mac about the security detail? Shouldn't she know she's in danger?"

That had been Harm's suggestion to the Deputy Director. "You know her, Admiral. We both have hero complexes. She'll want to stay had bait him. I am not sure we can protect her if that happens."

"Do you have a better idea?"

"I do."

From inside the house, Mac had been eyeing Harm's interaction with the Admiral. She had gone inside to use the bathroom and upon looking out the window had spotted them. Both men seemed civil but, involved in a rather intense conversation. She prayed it was a sign that Harm would return back to JAG. When the two men were done speaking, Mac went about her business and then stepped back outside to find Harm fishing another beer out of a cooler by the rear steps. She couldn't help the wide smile that spread on her lips when his eyes met hers. From a second cooler, he fished out a mineral water and handed it to her. "Thanks. I don't mean to pry but, what were you and the Admiral talking about?"

"Were you spying on us, Marine?"

"Nope. Just looked out the front window and found the two of you in a rather intense chat." She sat on the two person swing on the back porch and looked up at him with a sheepish grin. Mac couldn't help silly grin that was plastered on her face since she saw him at the BBQ, she didn't try to hide it either.

Harm took a seat next to her and used his long legs to easily rock them back and forth.

"We were talking about you." He wasn't lying, although the details of the conversation she would not be privy to.

"Me? What about me?"

"What would you say if I told you that you have a few weeks off starting tomorrow?"

Mac glanced over a Chegwidden who stared back at her with a knowing smile. What the hell were the two men up to? "Weeks? I have a couple of cases that…"

He stopped the swing from rocking and fully turned to her. "Not anymore. Look, the Agency shrink put in a request to give me some time off. And I may have conned the Admiral into giving you two weeks off so you can spend them... with me."

' _So you can spend them with me._ ' The words echoed in Mac's mind as she tried to process what he was saying. "I'm confused."

Harm chuckled at her response, clearly he had caught her off guard. "I'm picking you up at 5am tomorrow, MacKenzie. Just make sure you are packed and ready." Suddenly, he stood up and motioned towards where Sturgis, AJ and Bud were getting ready to play football with the kids. "Put me in!" He yelled towards the men and got a thumbs up from Bud.

"Why so early?" Mac watched as he made his way down the steps. "And where are we going? You just can't plan out a vacation for me."

Oh but he could, especially if he wanted to keep it secret. Harm's idea had been simple and if he played his cards right, they'd be off the grid long enough for his plan to work. "Well, first, I am taking you flying. It's been awhile since you've been on my plane." And it was a good, untraceable way to get them to their final destination.

"We haven't been back up since that day." Absentmindedly, she rubbed her thigh where she'd been shot and frowned at the memory. "You and I have a helluva track record with planes." Hell, they'd even been taken hostage on a commercial flight to Seoul.

"Oh, gimme a break. We've been on a bunch of COD flights together and nothing has happened. Let me make it up to you."

It was the pleading in his eyes that finally did her in. "What should I pack?"

The Next Day  
1700 Zulu

Somewhere near Milford, PA

"Where are we going?" Mac sat in the passenger side of a truck that Harm had rented after landing his biplane in a tiny airfield in Pennsylvania. Glancing out the window, she found they seemed to go farther and farther into the woods, they had been driving for over an hour. "And thank you for taking my flying again." It had been seven years since she'd last flown on that airplane and Mac believed they'd made a silent pact to forget what happened the first time they flew together.

"Did you have fun?" They had a horrible track record when flying together and the last thing he wanted was for their little vacation to start on a sour note. She did seem to enjoy herself, a few times taking the stick and flying his beloved plane across clear blue skies. Mac was laughing and asking him to put the plane in a flip time and time again. It was reminiscent of a time so long ago minus the psychotic poachers. They were on the run and he was trying to make sure that she didn't know it.

"Yeah, I did, flyboy." She turned to him and smiled one of those Sarah MacKenzie radiant smiles. After their flight, they'd gone to lunch at a small diner where they sat and chatted about their friends and the resolution of the Carolyn Imes cases. He told her a few funny stories about his time on The Farm and before long they were on the road only he never told her where they were going.

They took a turn down a long dirt road though cut through a dense forest. The road was a little worse for wear due to rain that had fallen the night before making the ride quite bumpy. Finally, the gravel road opened up to a lush meadow which lead to a large lake and a wood cabin with a long dock that extended a good bit over the edge of the lake. Harm brought the truck to a stop near the cabin and then turned to smile at Mac. "Welcome to your home for the next two weeks."

Mac hopped out of the truck and followed as he made his way to the front of the structure. The cabin was rustic but very well kept. A covered porch stretched along the front with a swing attached at one end. The building was made out of a mix of wood and large stones that went up one side of the home and creating the chimney stack. It was a small cabin but, charming nonetheless. "How'd you find this place?"

"It's Frank's, he bought it several years ago as a place for his employees to come on vacation if they wanted." Harm handed Mac the key and motioned back to the car. "Take a look around, I'll get our bags."

When she walked inside, Mac was surprised to find that the place was not stuffy at all. Just in front of her was the small living room with a sofa and two armchairs. To the right was the kitchen and directly behind the living room were two doors which she suspected lead to the bedrooms. It was cozy and quaint.

"The master bedroom is on the left, you can take it. I'll be next door in the spare which also doubles as a library." She heard Harm say as he walked inside and pulled her luggage into the master bedroom. "Mom is a big fan of reading so you'll find all sorts of books in there to keep you entertained.… Freshen up if you want. When I get back we need to go buy groceries. I'm going to take a look at the dock, Frank had some work done on it last month but, I think the electrical is shot.." He was babbling, speaking a million miles an hour and then making a hasty retreat outside.

Mac stared at him as he walked out of the cabin and down the dock. Confused was the word she would use for their current interaction. Why would a man take a woman into a cabin in the woods and sleep in a separate room? "Maybe he's trying to kill me." She said to herself with a chuckle then grabbed her luggage and proceeded to organize its contents into the dresser across from the bed. Maybe he needed a little more time? Which she was willing to afford him.

Outside, Harm walked slowly across the dock, admiring the work done. New wood planks had been installed as well as a ladder that descended into the water. Coming to the end he squatted down and noticed that the lights were not working properly which was something he would work on. Despite being wealthy, Frank had always been a hands on kind of man, the type that would change his own oil and repair the dry rot on the back steps. He'd learn a lot from the man and was grateful for it.

With a sigh, he turned and stared at the cabin. Last year, when they had seemed to get their friendship on track, Harm had thought about bringing Mac and hoping they could finally hash out whatever was going on between them. It just never seemed to be the right time. Rather, he never made time. He never asked her.

Coming out to the middle of nowhere had been a brilliant scheme. She was safe there. The cabin had no TV, no phone and cellphone reception was non existent. All they had was each other which posed a problem. He was determined to keep his hands to himself until Sadik was caught and out of their lives. Then this mess could end, the anxiety would abate.

On the drive up his mind had fabricated an unlikely fantasy. He had a vision of them kissing passionately when they stepped into the cabin. All their trials and tribulations would melt away as he carried her into the bedroom to consummate an undeniable relationship.

She would surrender to him, beneath him, call his name as they made love. Christ did Harm desire her and had for quite some time. He should have fulfilled his desire in Sydney and put an end to the heartache they'd eventually put themselves through. No, he'd been an idiot, concerned more over his job than being in love.

Harm had his reasons, romantic relationships with coworkers never worked out. He loved Mac, felt for her things he had never felt before. If it ended wrong it would clearly destroy them. It was much easier to keep her as a friend in his life than not at all. He just never thought that his sacrifice would push her into the arms of another.

"Harm? You okay?" He jumped at the sound of her voice and turned to find her staring at him with an odd look. "I'm ready when you are." If only she knew how much of a loaded statement that was.

==============================

So the whole Cabin / running away thing is actually a story I've had in my mind for years. For a while, I've been wanting to do a re-write of "The Stalker" where Harm and Mac leave town to keep her safe. It was a bit of a wild story which involved Coster trying to kill Harm and the Admiral ordering them to get away and not tell him where they were going until the perp was caught.

This had H and M wind up on the outskirts of this quaint little town staying in an RV and being a little too close for comfort. Of course they hook up and stuff happens and... yeah well... I like the cabin better. ;)


	9. Restless

First off, thank you for the reviews! Amusing to see so many blasts from the past showing up.  
Jeeez, you guys still read these things? What is wrong with us? Heh!

Second, I've received a zillion PMs (seriously didn't realize I had an inbox on this thing *shrug*) about the smut versions of several stories. I found an old HD with a lot of stories and some unfinished... one of the unfinished I may get to... We'll see. So I *should* have Smut versions of most of my stories somewhere minus ONE story that I just can't find called "Crash! Boom! Bang!" I think it was deleted.

I may open a google docs account and put them there since I have ZERO desire to start a webpage. When I get them together I will send them over to UTC as well. :)

Thirdly, thank you for going on one of my hair brained schemes… Enjoy the ride. ;) Muuuhahahahaaa.

 **Chapter 9 - Restless  
** "Past and present are one in her head,  
you're the ghost haunting through her heart."

0120 Zulu  
Somewhere near Milford, PA

"So, I am standing with a roll of toilet paper in front of the Commandant's office not realizing the Captain is standing right behind us. We were absolutely busted. Keeter, Sturgis and I had to scrub a lot of toilets after that night."

Mac laughed at his story of being a midshipmen at Annapolis and their failed attempt at toilet papering the Commandant's office. It had been a bet and one that he'd lost taking Jack and Sturgis down with him. "I am still waiting for you or Sturgis to dig up pictures of you three at Annapolis."

"No way! The last thing I need is you teasing me to death."

Mac stifled a sudden yawn behind the palm of her hand. She was starting to fade fast and detested being so tired when all she wanted to do is spent time with him. "Oh, not just you. Sturgis as well." She couldn't think of a better way to bust the submariners chops.

Although he'd enjoyed making her laugh, Harm was hoping he'd wear her down long enough to contact Keeter who was on Sadik's trail in South America. "Tired, Marine?"

Mac nodded, "I didn't sleep well and you picked me up at five. But, go on. Your Annapolis stories are fun." She took a swig of coffee and cringed when the tepid liquid traveled down her throat.

"Nope. I can tell you more stories tomorrow. Go to bed, Mac." He took the cup of coffee away from her and motioned to the bedroom.

When she yawned again Mac took it as a sign that indeed her body needed rest. "Aren't you going to sleep?" She watched as he stood and began clearing the table.

Harm could feel her eyes on him and noted, by the tone of her voice, that she was wondering if he would join her in bed. "Not now. I need to do the dishes, shower... Plus, I need to go over some files for work."

"Files for work? I thought you were on vacation."

"I am but, I want to get a head start. Although I trust Keeter with my life, the man is lousy at reading a topographic map." Which is why they'd walked into an ambush several weeks ago. Harm kept that little fact to himself.

"Need help?"

Harm shook his head. "It's classified."

"Understood." And although she hated that the CIA had a hold of him even on vacation she knew better than to pry. He would give her details if he could. "Good night, Harm."

"Night, Marine."

Once he was certain Mac was asleep, Harm quietly slipped out the front door and made his way down to the end of the dock. He'd brought with him a satellite phone which was the only way to get a signal on that part of the lake. "This is Lighthouse, incoming call for Beacon."

' _Lighthouse, this is Beacon, hearing you loud and clear.'_ Keeter's voice came over the line and Harm breathed a sound of relief. He hated leaving his friend alone on this mission but, there was no other way. ' _How you doing, buddy?'_

"We made our Final Destination. Any word on Sadik?" Harm knew that there wouldn't be much information and it was doubtful that the terrorist would be so sloppy all of a sudden. With all of the months of near misses he knew that they were bound to get a hit.

' _We lost him. Son of a bitch went right off the radar like a damned ghost. McKlellan and Nichols are following another lead.'_

"Fuck." His knuckles went white from the way he gripped onto the railing along the dock. While he wasn't expecting a miracle, he never thought that the trail would go cold. "What do you mean? Kershaw specifically told me there was a lock on Sadik's position. I knew I shouldn't have left."

' _It may take a while.'_

A while? He didn't have a lot of time. "I can't keep her out here forever, Keeter. She'll figure something's up."

' _So tell her.'_

"Oh yeah, that's a great idea. You do remember this Mac, the same woman you spent two weeks in the desert with because she bartered with a Bedouin?"

Keeter couldn't help but chuckle at the memory. ' _She is stubborn, it's no wonder the two of you are attracted to each other.'_

"Jack, she'll want to bait him."

' _Maybe baiting him is a good idea?'_

"Are you nuts?" Harm said a little louder that he should. If Keeter had been standing in front of him, he would have punched the man. "I'm not Webb. I'm not going to use her." And yet, he'd done just that several years prior when a stalker had been after her. The plan had worked although he'd lost connection with the tracker on Mac's car - that alone had him never want to try anything of the sort again.

' _I just think it's better than waiting for him to show up. Look, I gotta go, contact me at the same time tomorrow hopefully I'll have more info.'_

"Will do. Stay safe, Jack." Harm shut down the satellite phone and stared down at the device as if it could solve all of his problems. Ever since he'd begun working for the agency he'd been after Sadik Fahd. The terrorist was indeed a chameleon and every single lead had run cold. To be fair, he wasn't any closer to finding the terrorist than others had been. The concept of using Mac to bait the terrorist had been brought up several times, he just couldn't pull the trigger.

With a moonless night, the lake seemed very desolate and dreary except for the few lights scattered around the distant shoreline. He'd always enjoyed the cabin and the solitude it offered when he needed to get away. Despite his tawdry bachelor days, Harm had never brought a woman though he'd briefly considered a relaxing weekend away with Renee. He'd thought better of it realizing that the lack of creature comforts would mean he'd have to actually engage and entertain the woman. Although they'd spent over a year together, he couldn't honestly say that he loved her.

There had been times when the producer facade came down and Renee acted human. That was the Renee he cared for and the one he was learning to love. Sadly, those moments were few and far between, she thrived off of the veneer she created. Unfortunately, he'd seen through her charade and was constantly bombarded by her insecurity in regards to Mac. He only wished he'd had the guts to end it and not the other way around.

With a sigh, he made his way back to the cabin. After making sure that the door and windows were all shut, he stepped into the welcoming spray of a hot shower, allowing his body to relax. He'd been on edge all day both due to the nearness of Mac and the fear that Sadik would find them. He thought about the woman in the opposite room and the control that had slipped several months earlier when he'd kissed her at the Navy and Marine gala. Harm wasn't sure what got into him then only that he _needed_ to kiss her.

Control was something that he needed and working for the CIA had all but obliterated the concept. It was driving him crazy to not have a set schedule or rules of engagement that made sense. In Miami, his control had slipped yet again as he'd pinned her up against the door of her hotel room and kissed her senseless. They would have slept together then and brought an end to the tension that threatened to choke them both. As usual, something had stopped them.

Once done showering, Harm dressed and padded to the living room, stretching out on the sofa. He was too wired to sleep and his mind kept wandering. What was she wearing to sleep? A night gown, shorts and a t-shirt or something else? He imagined her in something racy and lacy, then laughed at the improbability of it all. "Harm?"

Her soft voice brought him out of his reverie and he sat up to find her staring at him. "Something wrong?"

Mac wasn't wearing lingerie just a simple set of dark green pajamas and he desired her anyway. "Come to bed." Her tone was light and yet there was a hint of a command.

Her eyes were half closed, her hair slightly messy. To Harm, it was the cutest thing he'd seen. "Go back to sleep, Mac. I'm fine here." He picked up a folder he'd placed on his chest and pretended to engross himself in it. "Plus, I can sleep in the other room and this way you'll have your own space."

Space? When the hell did she tell him she needed space? Why was he presuming to know what she needed? "Harm, I don't need space and it's a massive king size bed. There's plenty of _space_ for both of us. Come to bed, please." Mac hated sounding so desperate and yet, she couldn't help herself. She wanted him in the same room with him, craved the sense of his body next to hers even if it was just to sleep.

"I figured you wanted some time to yourself." He rationalized although it made no sense. Harm was exhausted, running himself ragged and if he wanted to protect her, this wasn't the way.

"Don't assume." She came around, grabbed his hand and pulled Harm off the couch. "Bed time, flyboy. You look like you could use the rest." Harm decided that, for now, he would not resist.

Three Days Later  
1145 Zulu  
Somewhere near Milford, PA

Mac sat on the porch swing, rocking back and forth gently while enjoying a cup of coffee. She took a deep breath and savored the the clean air and scent of pines. Clouds hung low that morning and by the scent of atmosphere she could tell a storm was coming.

She stood and walked away from the home and down the long dock. The water was calm, serene and the stillness of it all was a stark contrast to the war inside her. Mac couldn't help the tears that came from the anguish that she just could not get a handle on. She was confused, angry and hurt that despite their recent closeness, the last three days with Harm had been awkward.

In her mind, she half expected Harm to take her in his arms and kiss her senseless the moment they arrived at the cabin. They were in the middle of nowhere, the nearest town a thirty minute drive. There were no rules or regulations, no more significant others, no CIA, no JAG and yet, he hadn't made a move. To be fair, neither had she but, Mac couldn't quite shake off the memories of a boat ride in Australia. He'd rejected her then and ever since, Mac refused to instigate things. She felt like a coward for it but, would not allow herself to be hurt by him again.

"What does he want from me?" She wondered out loud as she leaned into the railing surrounding the dock. Clearly, he cared for her if not he wouldn't have bothered putting together this little trip.

She knew he loved her in some capacity but, that is where the lines blurred. Harm was attracted to her, that had been evident by the way his body responded to their kissing some weeks ago. But, a physical attraction did not make for a healthy relationship, there needed to be more to it than sex.

Mac had told him once that his interests seemed to fade when she was available. Maybe he was afraid of commitment? Many people were as it was, to some, a way of being trapped. She'd never been like that with past boyfriends and the only thing that she'd demanded in relationships was fidelity. She was not into sharing. Past that, she'd never been the overbearing kind. In all honesty, she didn't need much and only wanted to love someone and have it reciprocated. Harm was a brilliant litigator with a finesse for words that could sway most members of a jury. Why was it that he never seemed to know what to say to her?

Every time she'd baited him into a conversation about their relationship he'd change the subject or quash the topic all together. The last few days had not been any different and the man that had kissed her goodbye so sweetly several weeks prior had all but disappeared. Maybe she'd done something wrong?

Frustrated, she returned back to the cabin and took a peek into the guest bedroom to find Harm in a deep sleep. He'd been doing that a lot in the last couple of days and she couldn't fault him - the agency had been running him ragged. During the day though, when they were both awake and able to discuss things, he was always busy working on something or other in the cabin. The dry rot in in the porch. An electrical problem on the lights for the dock. Last night it had been the pilot for the water heater although she was happy when it was fixed. Still, it seemed he was purposely doing things to stay out of her way.

Even during dinner, the light conversation had been drowned by that stupid file he'd brought with him. The kitchen table was littered in satellite photos and topographic maps from his upcoming mission. She would have dinner on the sofa and he among the photos and coordinates circling areas of interest with a red marker. The space between them and the tension had been growing again and despite all of the expanse of land and space, Mac felt suffocated. How the hell had she dealt with this anxiety for nine years?

"By crying myself to sleep." She said under her breath and took a deep sigh. Time and time again she'd curled up in a ball and cried herself to sleep aching over a lover that she would never have. "I need to get out of here." With a start, she located the keys to the truck, left Harm a note and proceeded to head into town. She needed to be away from him for a bit, needed to clear her head and see other things besides the cabin and that stupid lake. Then she would make a decision: face their demons or walk away for good. She wouldn't do this anymore and pine for an unrequited love - he heart couldn't handle it anymore.

Nearly an hour later, Harm woke from a deep sleep. He stretched languorously before heading to the bathroom and beginning his day. What time was it? How long did he sleep? "It doesn't matter." He said to himself as he brushed his teeth and washed his face.

After shaving off the stubble that had formed, he dressed and came out of the spare room eager for a cup of coffee with his favourite Marine. The last few days had been simple although neither of them had made a move to further their relationship, something that Harm had been grateful for. He'd busied himself, trying to find the best ingress and egress points for an upcoming mission.

Despite the remoteness of the cabin, Harm still felt he needed to protect Mac - something he couldn't do if they were wrapped up in bed together. He couldn't fully give into her knowing someone was after her and she could be hurt or killed. HIs heart ached at the thought of keeping her at arms length yet again. There was no reason for it anymore just his stubborn attempt to survive until Sadik was caught or killed.

Harm knew his inaction was bothering her; he could tell by the sharp tone she'd taken with him last night. Mac had covered it up with some barb about being tired and edgy but, he knew better. He only hoped Keeter would handle their problem with Sadik sooner than later. It would allow them to be together without the fear that letting his guard down would get her killed. Maybe it was time to explain to her what was going on?

"Hey, Mac. Do you want to take the boat out? There's some great hiking trails on the south side of the lake." He said, walking towards the living room where she should have been. It was when he walked to the kitchen that he found the note propped up by the coffee machine.

 _Needed to get out of here._

 _Went to town. Took the truck.  
Be back later_

 _M._

"Shit!" He yelled out loud and began pacing the cabin like a caged animal. "How could she just leave?" What was worse, he didn't have a way to go after her. The lake didn't stretch out into the town and the old truck was the only vehicle they had. Annoyed, he made his way outside and opened up the rusted metal shed adjacent to the house.

Inside there was nothing much that he could use a means of transportation unless he wanted to ride a lawn mower into town. He briefly considered it until he heard the sounds of tires crunching on the gravel of the driveway. The garbage company would send trucks to pick up the garbage once a week - luck was on his side. "Hey! Can I get a ride?"

When he finally arrived into town, Harm hadn't expected to find her so quickly. And yet, there she was, seated casually at an outdoor cafe sipping coffee. Mac was happy to see him, he noted by the bright smile she'd given him. And he was anything but happy to find her out in the town without him. "Hey there, sailor. Care for a croissant? I swear, they are the best I've had in years." She motioned to a basket in front of her that was filled the the doughy treat.

In the short time away from the cabin, Mac had a chance to think and change her demeanor in reference to him. It couldn't be easy for him to just let it all go with thoughts of his upcoming mission fresh on his mind. She wondered if he was suffering some sort of PTSD and decided to stop blaming him. Mac had also decided to give him a deadline, if his actions did not change in two days time, she would push him to react.

"What the hell are you doing here, Mac?" As much as he tried, Harm couldn't help the anger in his voice or the murderous look that he shot her.

"Hello to you too." The smile that she was wearing disappeared into a scowl.

"Why didn't you tell me you were coming Why didn't you wake me? Damnit, Mac you just can't be out by yourself." He rattled off his words, speaking fast and erratic unaware that he was making a scene.

Mac glanced to the side to find many of the patrons staring at them. "You may want to sit down, you're making a scene." Her voice was strong and authoritarian the look in her eyes practically made it into a command.

Harm glanced around, finding that the few patrons of the coffee shop were, indeed staring at him. _Great_ , he thought and tried a different approach that didn't better his situation. He pulled open his wallet and tossed two twenties onto the table. "Let's go, Sarah." Without thinking clearly, he grabbed Mac's arm and pulled her up roughly.

"Harm, let me go." When she made to pull her arm out of his grasp, he tightened his grip painfully so. "You're hurting me."

Mac was seconds away from putting her hip into his stomach and twisting him around in a defensive move that would have him on his back in no time. She was counting the seconds, timing her moves until a man approached them. "Ma'am is this man bothering you?" Before she could initiate contact, she noticed the town deputy had come to her rescue with his hand just above his sidearm ready to draw if needed.

"Yes." "No." They said in unison and Harm released her almost as if he'd been burnt. Christ, what had he done? He looked into her eyes to find them laced with both anger and fear. Fear? What had he done? "I'm sorry. I don't know what got into me." He glanced around again seeing all eyes judging him but, nothing made his heart ache more than the look in her eyes. "I'm sorry." Suddenly, he needed to get away from there; away from her. Turning, he stalked down the street, disappearing into a woodsy area of a nearby park.

"We'll be fine, Deputy Thank you." Mac felt her heart sink into the pit of her stomach as she watched Harm walked away. "Thank you for checking on me." What the hell was going on with him? She wondered and despite her better judgement, decided to follow.

He'd never been a violent man but, the CIA had begun to bring out a side of him that he wasn't sure existed. Harm was on edge and found that his temper was so out control that it had taken him off of two missions. The deaths of his friends hadn't helped and merely compacted the growing wrath. With a sigh he thought back to simpler times with the rules and regulations established by the Navy. They were a constant that kept him in check although he'd always bent a rule or two.

And then there was Mac, the rational, calming influence that grounded him when things were too out of control. He could never hurt her and yet, he did emotionally and now, physically. What kind of a monster was he turning into?

Mac walked through a park to find him seated on a bench just in front of a small lake. He was slumped forward, head on his hands and didn't register that she'd sat next to him. In the distance thunder rattled and she could feel the droplets of rain begin to fall. There was one hell of a storm coming, literally and figuratively. "Want to tell me what that was all about?" When he didn't answer, she sighed deeply and stood up right in front of him. "Okay, I have another question then: What the hell was the purpose of bringing me out here? You are acting like you don't even want to be with me." Mac had often wondered how it was so easy for him to run so hot and cold. "You know? You are the most infuriating man I've ever known."

"I'll take that as a compliment." He snorted and raised his head up to look at her.

"Why did you bring me here? A man only brings a woman to a remote cabin in the woods to be intimate or kill her…. Which one is it?" When he didn't answer, she threw her hands up in the air and began walking away. "You know what? I am through with you, for good. You're taking me back home to Washington or I'm finding my own way."

That comment got a reaction and Harm was moving then, coming to stop in front of her. "We can't go back to Washington, Mac. Not now."

"Why not? I told you once I was tired of this dance and just when it seems like we're reaching common ground you're losing interest again." Rain had begun to fall harder and the sounds of thunder seemed to be getting closer. Mac stared up at the clouds and then back at him.

"I'm not losing interest." Harm just stared at her in the rain, recalling a time when he'd seen her fresh out of the shower, droplets of water caressing her skin. His mind began to work overtime and visions of him kissing every last drop of water on her body was becoming overwhelming. He shook off the thought and turned away from her.

"When you look at me that way do you still see a desirable woman?" Mac felt the need to bring up a conversation that had long been buried in the past. That night in the Admiral's porch had opened up a Pandora's box of sorts. "Harm, look at me."

Obediently, he turned to her and she could see in his eyes the war that raged inside of him. The want to give into her and the need to keep her away. He didn't know how to tell her that he was trying to keep her safe. "Mac, it's complicated." He didn't stop the slap the came and only took it knowing full well she was releasing her anger.

"Stop saying that!" Mac yelled at him and couldn't stop herself from ramming a fist into his chest. "God dammit, can you see there's nothing complicated about us anymore?" When she tried to strike him again, Harm grabbed her arms and held her tightly preventing Mac from getting another shot. She tried to pull away from him but his strong grip was no match for her.

"If you don't want me, then please just let me know but stop giving me the jealous boyfriend act when I try to move on. You can't have it both ways." She couldn't stop the tears that came if she wanted to or the searing sense of vulnerability that had her collapsing against him.

"Mac." He raised a hand to her face and gently wiped the tears, an act that felt too familiar.

"I'm not your plaything for you to use when you want. Tell me you don't want me. End it, please." Her pleading hurt as did the sad look in her eyes when she stared up at him.

What the hell was he doing? Why was he keeping her away for a reason that made sense only to him? Why was he pushing her away when all that he ever wanted was standing in front him in the pouring rain. She was right, it was only when Mac was with another man that he reacted.

Those beautiful, sad eyes and her full parted lips made him want to kiss her so badly. So he made a decision and damned the consequences. "I can't do this anymore." In a quick movement, he took her in his arms molding her body against his as he kissed her.


	10. Unleashed

**Chapter 10 - unleashed**

"The gates of time have opened

Now, it's chains are broken

An ancient force unleashed again." - "Enter" By Within Temptation.

"I can't do this anymore." Harm said before taking her in his arms and pressing her body against his. Mac tried to resist but, her attempts to pull away were met with the frantic motion of his mouth on hers. He kissed her like he needed her, a lifeline to cling to in a dangerous storm and when his tongue ran along the seam of her lips she granted him access and gave in. Their tongues duled and meshed and Mac could feel a familiar ache start to swirl between her thighs. The rain was falling even harder now but the cold droplets were no match for the warmth of his body against hers.

Harm's hand roamed over her body, stopping to cup her backside as he pulled her closer to him.

As they kissed, the weather seemed to respond - wind swirling, rain falling harder. The crack of lightning is what finally separated them and Harm took her hand as they ran across the park, making a beeline for a nearby establishment with a porch that they ducked into. Once safe from the storm, Mac pushed him up against the first wall she could find as her lips found his again.

"We need to… get back to...the cabin." He punctuated between kisses to her mouth and neck, doubting very much they'd even make it out of town before they would consummate the relationship. Harm held onto her, hands moving up and down her back, aching to remove the wet clothing that separated them.

Mac stopped him for a moment and motioned overhead. "I have a better idea."

Following her gaze, he read a weathered wooden sign attached to the ceiling above them. "Bed and breakfast?" At her knowing smile, he took her hand again and led her towards the entrance.

Inside they found an older woman named Margi who informed them that the roads into the town were closed until the storm passed. "I can tell you aren't from around here. What brings you into Milford?"

"Vacation." Harm said, using the towel she'd offered to dry off. "How much to spend the day?"

Margi glanced between the pair of them and shrugged. "It's off season, I'll keep it reasonable." She walked behind a small, wooden reception desk and grabbed one of the keys that was lined up on the wall behind. "I'm going to give you the Presidential suite, it's the largest room we have, has a sitting area and a fireplace." She handed Harm a large wicker basket. You can toss your wet clothes in there, I'll make sure they're washed. There are bathrobes in the room." She whipped around the reception desk and pointed to the left. "Go up those steps and it'll be the last room at the end of the hallway." She handed the key to Mac and grinned suspiciously. "Enjoy yourselves."

"Thank you, Margi." Mac lead the way up the stairs and down the hall opening the door to a room with a welcoming king size bed. A seating area with a small table and two armchairs was situated just in front of a large fireplace. When she found herself shivering, Mac turned on the pilot to the fireplace and lit a match that was on the mantel to get the flames roaring.

Harm stood at the doorway watching Mac with interest. Although they had been practically making out moments earlier, he suddenly didn't know what to do. Why was it that she could turn him into a bumbling idiot when he'd usually been such a smooth operator around women? She made him want to be a better man. He desired her for it, wanted in in ways he was sure he'd never want another woman. He placed the basket he was holding on the floor and then locked the door behind him.

Mac could sense him in the room with every fiber of her being and suddenly, the room felt so small. Would he pull away once again or make a move? Once the fire was lit, she leaned in, rubbing her hands together to get them warm. She felt him come up behind her and nearly flinched when his hands moved from her shoulders down her arms. The touch was so simple and yet electric.

His arms came around her waist then and Harm pulled her against him. She could feel his hardness against her body and sighed deeply when his mouth trailed kisses from her temple down to her neck. "Harm." Her hand came up to the side of his face, holding his head to her as he nuzzled her skin. Mac's heart was beating so hard, she was sure he could hear it, the staccato drowning out whatever he was trying to tell her.

When he came to slide his hands under her shirt, he could feel something hard and warm pressed against her skin. He released her then and turned Mac around, curious as to what she was hiding. Pulling up her shirt he found her pistol tucked into a holster and felt terrible for worrying so much about her. He should have trusted her, should have known that she could take care of herself. Slowly, Harm pulled the weapon from the holster and then reached around her back to unsnap the band that had held it in place. He placed the pistol on the mantle and let the band drop to the floor. Something about the act of disarming her seemed so erotic.

Mac swallowed hard when he came down to his knees in front of her and began to make work of her jeans. He unzipped them slowly and took hold of the waistband, forcefully tugging down the wet material over her hips and down her long legs. His warm hands ran up her legs, coming to a stop at her hips as he leaned in and kissed her navel. A discoloured spot on her right thigh caught his attention and he recalled why she had a marred section of skin. She'd been shot once when they were playing hide and seek with deranged poachers. He traced the spot gently with her fingers and then leaned in and kissed it. His fingers then hooked on the elastic of the light grey panties she wore and he pulled them off her tossing them aside with her jeans.

Harm didn't ask for permission, he was afraid that whatever magic had been woven between them would come to an end. He wanted to taste her, to pleasure her. He was ready and he wanted her so bad that the hardness in his pants was starting to ache. Leaning in, he licked her inner thigh, stopping just before he reached her core. Then he licked her other inner thigh almost chuckling on her impatient groan.

"Harm." Mac knew he was teasing her, trying to draw out the moment as long as possible. She was desperate to have him, to feel him inside of her. This waiting was driving her mad and making her impossibly wet and the man had barely touched her. And then he did, his tongue giving her clit a long lick. Her hands held onto his shoulders, trying to keep her balance as his mouth wreaked havoc.

She was slick and heated. When his mouth came away, his fingers took over, gently working her flesh. Harm couldn't get enough of her and their current position wouldn't allow him to please her as he wanted to. He came to his feet, took her hand and lead her to the bed. "Lay down, Mac." He hadn't meant for it to be a command and yet, that is exactly how it sounded.

She did as told, laying right in the middle and watched him curiously. Harm had stripped off his shirt and fought with his wet jeans until he stood in front of her completely naked. Mac couldn't help but stare, he was absolutely beautiful. Strong arms, muscular chest peppered with dark curls of hair that led a light trail down to the part of his anatomy she was unfamiliar with. She licked her lips in anticipation and he bore his body to her. He was staring at her with a hungry gaze although still wearing the t-shirt that he'd seemd to have forgotten take off of her, she felt less than sexy.

Harm was breathing heavily, hands at his side and fists clenched. He could feel her gaze on him glancing down his body, branding him as if she'd touched him. His desire for her was evident as his cock stood at attention. Man on a mission, he came to the edge of the bed and settled into the mattress only to delve between her thighs.

He was slow and deliberate his tongue running circles over her bud as he slipped a finger inside her. He heard her cry out then and her hands came to grip the bed sheets. His finger began moving inside of her, in and out in slow, tantalizing movements as his mouth made love to her.

Mac moved her hips in time with him. One hand gripped the sheets while the other threaded through the silky strands of his hair. She held him to her, urged him to continue as a smaller orgasm gave way to a bigger one. She came hard, biting back a scream when his mouth suckled at her. Even when she came he teased her, tongue lapping at her slowly as she wound down from her high.

Her skin was covered in droplets of sweat and Harm had never seen her so attractive as he did now with her eyes half closed and a sated expression that he'd put there. He crawled up on the bed and came to lay at her side. He was panting as well and the strain of his hardness becoming unbearable.

Mac leaned in and kissed him slowly, savoring the taste of herself on his lips. She felt his hands grip the edges of her shirt and raised her hands to him pull it off. Next, he made quick work of her bra and stifled a laugh as she remembered Kate Pike's barb about him having the "fastest fingers in the Navy." She gasped when his mouth came down to her breast, taking one nipple in his mouth as his hand gently massaged her other breast. His ministrations were making her lose her mind and all Mac wanted was him inside her. She wanted to feel him in her to see if all the fantasies she'd had were true. She needed his body over hers, pinning her down into the mattress as they made love.

Hanging in the balance of fantasy and reality, Mac felt him stop, his breath hitching. She opened her eyes and stared into his blue depths, a look of concern in his eyes. Oh no. "What's wrong?"

"Tell me you want this." He felt like a fool asking but, he wasn't going to make any mistakes in regards to her. Desire had a powerful way of clouding judgment and he needed to know that this wasn't one sided. He needed to know that she wanted him.

Mac almost cried at the look in his eyes, an expression of concern and desire mixed into one. She pressed her palm to his cheek and then caressed her fingers down the side of his face and over his lips. "Yes. . .I've wanted you for years, Harm." She said shyly, hoping not to sound too eager. There was a problem though, something that she was ashamed to admit and yet she did anyway, "I haven't been with anyone since Mic."

"I'm told it's like riding a bike." For a brief moment, Harm felt an ache in his heart, a sense that he'd betrayed her while she'd remained faithful.

"Kiss me." She said and eagerly took his mouth with her own hoping whatever dark thoughts had suddenly crossed his mind would be forgotten. Mac's fingers began tracing circles on his chest and then started a slow trail past his abdomen, over his hip and then over to the very tip of him. She took him in her hand gripping his hardness gently.

Harm closed his eyes and leaned his head back as her fingers massaged the hardness of him. She would grip him hard and then ease off as he fingers danced over his flesh. They'd been skating around a relationship for so long that the tension had become combustible and even her gentlest touch threatened to send him over the edge. "Mac, stop." He commanded, breaking their kiss as his hands stilled her own before he became completely unglued. He took her mouth with his before she could protest and kissed her passionately before breaking the kiss to look at her. God, he wanted her more than he'd ever wanted any other woman

Mac stared into his darkening eyes that were seeking for permission that had been granted years ago. She'd wanted him for so long. "I want you inside of me." She breathed out and it was all it took for her to feel the tip of his erection between her slick folds. He was slow, methodical trying to keep some sort of control as he filled her. Harm stopped then, allowing her to accommodate to his intrusion, watching with interest as she tipped her head back, eyes closed. A satisfied moan escaped her lips and when he wouldn't move, she ground her hips against his bringing him slightly in and out of her. She dug her heels into the mattress and she raised herself up to him, taking him even deeper.

"Mac." He called her name on a groan when her deliberate movements were harder, faster and undulating. Harm didn't move as he took pride on her pleasuring herself against him. Muscles deep within her gripped his cock as her hips began grinding harder against him. Holding himself up above her, he watched her expression mesmerized by how sexy she was. He'd always found her attractive but, never more so than at that very moment with her cheeks flushed and her eyes filled with desire for him. The sounds she was making, low moans from the back of her throat nearly made him come. HIs control was starting to slip.

Taking her hands in his, Harm raised them above her her head, his fingers threading with hers as he finally pulled out and thrust into her, reveling in the feel of being inside of Sarah MacKenzie. She was his now, fully and unequivocally his, there was no going back now.

How had he waited so long for this moment? How had he denied himself the pleasure he was feeling and love he felt in his heart as she called his name. "Harm… Yes, Harm."

Unable to hold back anymore, he could feel himself coming and tried to delay it just a bit more. He wanted her to feel sated and completed by him anything else would mean he failed her. "Jesus, Mac… I can't hold back anymore." He breathed out and then took her mouth with his, in a deep claiming kiss.

He knew she was on the brink and about to topple over, instinctually feeling her core was wetter as she clenched him again. He held her down as she came, his thrust becoming frantic and deep until he spilled himself into her.

Mac buried her face into his shoulder, her mouth pressed against his skin and she yelled out in pleasure. Her wrists ached from the way he held her down and the want to touch him and not being able to only added to her arousal. Fire ran through her veins and a warmth crept through her whole body coming to pool down to her core. She came hard and her vision tunneled to the point that nearly passing out from the breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding.

A heavy body collapsed against hers and he'd finally loosened his grip long enough for her to wrap her arms around him. Harm's body was trembling, head resting against her chest. His warm breath brushed over her breast, keeping her nipples taught.

They lay like that for several minutes and Mac believed that Harm had fallen asleep until he raised his head and his eyes met hers. He was still inside her, languishing on a feeling that he never wanted to forget. Wishing he could freeze time, he'd live this moment forever if he could. Dear God, why had they waited so long when this had felt so right? Why hadn't he given himself to her that night in Sydney? He'd been such a fool and had nearly lost her countless times because of it.

Mac could see the storm raging in his eyes and she wondered if he thought this to be a mistake. It would be the last straw in their tumultuous relationship. Before she would let her mind wander that evil path, she kissed him hoping he understood that this was an experience that she wanted.

When his body began reacting to her kisses, any feelings of doubt fell away. His tongue slid across the seam of her mouth, asking for entrance which she gladly granted. They kissed passionately, wildly. Tongues dueling, meshing in a silent conversation that spoke more than words ever could.

Harm was older and definitely not the young jet jock with unwavering stamina. Sex with Stephanie had been fun and uncomplicated but, he was never able to reboot fast enough for her. For some inexplicable reason, that wasn't the case with Mac. He could feel the familiar ache as he hardened, the tension between them not willing to be sated just yet.

Mac's nails raked down his bare back leaving a fiery trial on his skin. It made him catch his breath and groan in an animalistic way that made her desire him even more. She wrapped one of her legs around his waist and began to move her hips, encouraging him.

Desire was making him unhinged with need and all good intentions to take it slow had gone out the window. Harm couldn't help himself if he tried and as her nails raked across his back yet again he couldn't be gentle or teasing anymore. He placed his hands on either side of her, holding himself above Mac has he thrust wildly into her.

Mac matched his pace,her hips raising to meet his in duel. Her hands wrapped around his biceps, trying to steady herself. She looked into his eyes, holding this gaze and watching the wave of emotions that flashed in his beautiful eyes.

Harm made love to her hard and feverish, losing himself in the warm wetness that encircled him. He came hard, screaming her name as he thrust into her a final time. "Sarah!" He managed to slide out of her and roll onto his back before sleep inevitably claimed him.


	11. Deceiver of Fools

**Chapter 11 - Deceiver of Fools**

" _As faith for the future faded fast_ _He grows strong with their displeasure_ _It sets him free_ _Deceiver of hearts_ _Deceiver of fools"_

Within Temptation "Deceiver of Fools"

1700 Zulu

Milford, PA

Mac hadn't intended on leaving Harm alone in bed but, recalled that Margi had offered to dry their clothing. She'd slipped on her bathrobe and taken the basket to the older woman before returning back to the room and into the shower. Her mind never left the man that was laying sleep in their bed. They'd made love three times and her body still tingled in places he had touched.

Harm was a skilled lover and instinctively knew where to touch in order to make her body hum to life. As she ran a wash cloth over her body, her skin came to life with the memory of his skin against hers. His hands had possessively and greedily sought to learn every inch of her skin and she wanted his touch, longed for it like the very air she breathed. Lower down, she felt that unmistakable soreness that she hadn't felt in years. It was welcomed and she wanted more unsure if she'd ever take her fill of him.

"I should have seduced him years ago." She thought out loud, laughing to herself as she thought of that deer-in-the-headlights look that he often got around her. Mac had many questions, the typical 'Why here, why now?' that she wanted to ask him but, knew better of it. There was a conversation that hung between them and questions that she needed answered at some point. As it was her nature, she wondered what would happen when they got back home? Would he slip into his job as a spook and forget about her? Would he lose interest?

"Mind if I join you?" Harm couldn't help the husky tone of his voice or the hungry look in his eyes as he stared at her. Some of the lather from the soap was clinging on to her backside, accentuating her curves.

"Sure." She didn't turn around to face him merely grinned and offered him the washcloth which she held over her shoulder. "Could you do my back?" Mac rinsed the shampoo off of her hair but, when he hadn't touched her, she turned around to find Harm staring back with hungry eyes.

They skimmed her body, taking in her breasts, abdomen and came to stop on the part of her anatomy that he seemed to have a keen interest in earlier. "I was wondering where your tattoo was." He said and pressed a hand to the left side of her bikini area where a brightly coloured butterfly lay. It was only visible when she was naked as he'd seen her in various swim suits and it was never noticeable.

"You didn't notice it earlier?"

Harm shook his head, "No, I was otherwise occupied."

A flush crept over her skin as Mac recalled just how occupied he'd been. He'd relentlessly brought her to orgasm and teased out things that others hadn't. The memory was making her skin tingle. "You aren't showering." She admonished and took the washcloth away from him, lathered it with soap and began to run it across his chest.

Harm stood there holding his breath as the washcloth which started at his chest, went lower and lower. She stopped before she reached his member and had him turn around so she could wash his back. His breath hitched when he felt her breasts pressed against him and slide over his skin.

Deliberately, Mac slid down making her breasts brush against his perfect ass as she made to wash his legs. She rinsed off his back side and then turned him around to face her only to be met with that hungry gaze again. It was her turn to be on top.

She pressed a hand to his chest and pushed him back enough for her to come to her haunches in front of him. "Mac, what are you...oh." His words came to a screeching halt when she took him into her mouth.

Dear God, the woman was going to be the death of him but, what a way to go. He held onto a railing in the shower and tried to relax as she ran her tongue down the length of his shaft. Her tongue then swirled over the tip of his erection before she took him in her mouth again.

Mac was enjoying the teasing as she stopped from time to time only to pump her fist along his shaft. He was breathing hard and the muscles on his abs contracted every time she touched him. He was close t coming when pulled Mac up and plastered her body against his. He kissed her and pushed her back into the wall of the shower which made her yelp. "Did I hurt you?"

"No, tiles are cold." Not missing a beat, she took his shaft in her hand and began stroking him again. Harm's thigh had come between her legs and she rubbed herself against him, keeping her eyes on his.

One of her legs wrapped around his hip and she pulled him closer angling his erection with her core. He could feel her warm wetness as he thrust inside her. Her arms came around him, using his shoulders to hold onto when his thrust become harder and desperate.

Mac came first this time and a strangled moan caught at her throat when he spilled himself into her. She rested her head on his shoulder and chuckled, they were acting like two horny teenagers. "When you let go, you really let go, sailor."

"Sorry, Marine. I had good intentions when I walked in, then I saw your tattoo… I was a goner." Harm pulled out of her and actually heard Mac groan in disappoint me. He collected the washcloth from the floor and began to lather it with soap.

Gently, he ran the washcloth down her legs and between her thighs, cleaning the mess he'd made. When they stepped out of the shower, Harm wrapped Mac in a fluffy white robe and then wrapped a towel around his waist. He'd intended to talk to her then, to tell her the truth about why they were out in the middle of nowhere but, when Mac had stifled a yawn against the palm of her hand, he opted to let her rest.

2100 Zulu

Somewhere In Bolivia

Clayton Webb wasn't fond of returning to the Chaco, he had enough memories of his time in Paraguay to last a lifetime. But, there was unfinished business and a man he intended to kill. He stood alongside Keeter watching through binoculars as two undercover agents finished the search on the train they'd managed to stop. Intel had tipped Keeter of an acquisition of a chemical weapon that was possibly routed across the country and to the border of Bolivia where it would be disguised as coffee in order to transport it into the States. "Why exactly are you here Webb?"

Keeter hadn't been notified from anyone that the spy would rotate back to Paraguay, given the reason they were there in the first place was to clean up Webb's mess. He half expected the man to be riding a desk for the rest of his tenure with the agency. Though the man had some accolades, the bumps that it took to get them had been noticed.

"I'm making sure it stays out of the wrong hands… You know there's a mole in the agency, I couldn't take the risk." He leaned up against a truck and peered through binoculars getting the all clear sign, there was nothing on that train. "Shit." He cursed and scrubbed a hand over his face. This nightmare was never going to end.

"Well, that went to shit." Keeter slammed his fist into the hood of his truck. "We've been at this for months. It was on that train, one of ours saw them load it. It was on the damned train!"

"We need to catch Sadik now more than ever. I know you and Rabb have been trying to sniff him out, Keeter. Where is Sadik headed?"

There was something, an instinct that was telling Jack not to divulge information and yet, there were orders given from high above that he was to extend every courtesy to Clayton Webb. He warred with himself caught between an oath made to the agency and a promise to his close friend. "He's been making his way to Washington and we're waiting for him."

Clay stared at Keeter as if he'd grown two heads. "And you are just letting him in? You do realize he'll go right after Mac, right?" The idea worried him, it was bad enough that she'd nearly been killed due to the agency, Sadik would show her no mercy this time, he was sure of it.

Keeter nodded and gave the spy a knowing smile. "That's the plan… bait him into finding her and catch the bastard."

"Are you out of your mind? Who authorized that stupid plan?"

"Kershaw did and he assures us that Sadik will be caught."

To Webb, Kershaw always seemed to enjoy difficult tasks, it was almost as if the man was proving his leadership. This plan, he believed was ludacris, Sadik was far too unpredictable and had evaded capture so many times. "Rabb is going to lose his mind when he finds out. And where is he anyway? I thought Kershaw assigned him to be your partner."

There was an edge to Webb that Keeter found annoying, something different that he had never seen with various brushes with the spy. It was like he was hiding something although Jack couldn't quite put his finger on it. "What's with the twenty questions, Webb?"

"I want Sadik Fahd caught and despite what you may have heard, Rabb is a friend who got caught up in my mess. I owe him to fix it." He spat the words out, almost believing them himself. Webb could care less what happened to Harm. Mac was another matter altogether - the woman he was still trying to claim. "I also don't want Sarah getting killed because of me."

"Well, you don't have to worry - they're in hiding and no one knows where. They could be in Antartica for all I know." And that was the honest truth and an agreement made between the two friends in case Keeter's assignment went south. It was best not to know and just use satellite phones as a means to communicate.

"I thought you were using Mac as bait?" Webb asked, a confused expression on his face.

"We're using a decoy. There's a former FBI agent that joined Langley last year, she looks quite a bit like Mac as long as no one looks too close." He wasn't sure how much Sadik would risk in trying to find Mac and hoped to God he stayed a step away.

Clay wasn't satisfied, he never would be. "Where are they, Keeter. If anyone knows it's you or Chegwidden and I've already barked up the wrong tree."

"I don't know… Harm contacts me only by satellite phone. Like I said, he could be in Antartica or a romantic cruise to the Virgin Islands." That last comment was meant to be a barb at the agent, a shot across the bow that had its effect. Webb was visibly annoyed enough that he grabbed Keeter by the collar and slammed him against the side of the car. All it did was make Keeter laugh. "Still hung up on the Colonel, huh? Can't say I blame you. She'll never be with you Webb, she and Harm have a history."

Webb tightened his hold on Keeter and slammed him against the truck again. "They do until he hurts her and then she'll come to me."

"Yeah, you keep telling yourself that. Did she even sleep with you or did you make that up?" That comment garnered Keeter a punch in the face, something that he laughed off as well. It was easy to rile the spook up and he was taking pleasure in it. "I'll take it as a no, then." With that, he grabbed Webb by the shirt, spun him around and slammed him into the truck. "I don't know what you are up to but, my gut tells me it's nothing good. Stay away from Harm and Mac."

"Or what? You're going to kill me?" Webb challenged, trying to get out of Keeter's grasp but the pilot was stronger than he.

"There are worse things than death, Clayton and the agency taught me well… I mean it, leave them alone and do your fucking job." He finally released Webb and went around to the driver's side of the truck hopping in. "Get in before I leave your ass out here."

2030 Zulu

Milford, PA

A few hours later Harm woke by the sound of rain pounding the window pane. Taking a glance at the clock on the nightstand, he found it to be just past four in the afternoon. They'd been at the Bed and Breakfast since late morning and the weather hadn't abated.

He made to stretch but was stopped by the female body pressed up against his. Mac made a soft sound when his hand trailed down her back. Her skin was so soft, so wonderful that he wanted to lose himself in her forever.

Mac was half asleep when she felt him move. His hand traced a lazy circle on her back. That same hand was suddenly between her thighs, stroking, making her body hum to life. "Mmmm." She moaned involuntarily and groaned in disappointment when he stopped to run that same hand over her thigh and down her leg.

Harm urged her to drape that leg over his hip. He hissed when she felt her hand wrap around his shaft. She worked him slow, methodically and finally angled him with her sex when he was hard enough. He entered her and felt that sweet and now familiar glove around him. She was so wet and ready but, he wanted to take it slow for the last few times that they hadn't.

The slow, undulating movement was matched by how he kissed her. And her soft moans electrified all of his senses. He needed this, the connection between them. It drove him crazy to be so slow and deliberate but, Harm relished the feeling of being inside her.

"Harder…" Mac said her eyes finally opening to meet his. "Please." She begged, an urgent need surging through her. His slow movements why delicious wouldn't sate her at the moment. She needed him and wanted to erase the last nine years of pain and anguish.

"I thought you'd want to take it slow now. The last few times weren't exactly gentle."

"Don't be gentle, be good." She said and kissed him.

And that was all he needed to have Mac on her back without breaking the connection. She wrapped her legs around his waist, heels pushing at his back. Harm took her hard and fast. It wasn't long when she came beneath him her body shaking, head back and eyes closed. Soon he joined her and collapsed onto the bed as sleep took him again.

About a half an hour later, a knock on the door had Mac jumping out of bed and sliding into her bathrobe before padding to the door.

"Mac, wait." Harm warned,coming up onto his elbows and wishing he'd thought to put her damned pistol on the nightstand;.it was still on mantel.

"Good afternoon, I hope I am not interrupting anything." Margi gave a glance around the room, eyes settling on Harm who was only covered by the bedsheet. She glanced between the two of them and gave a knowing smile before placing the basket with their clean and dry clothing on the floor next to the door. "Since I doubt you two will make it down for dinner, I'll send something up in about an hour."

"You don't have to do that."

"It's fine, you two enjoy your honeymoon."

"We're not married… Uh, what I mean to say is that..." Mac fumbled for the words, cringing at how it all must have sounded to the older woman.

Margi found it all amusing. "Save it. You think you are the only couple to come to my bed and breakfast for a romp? Enjoy yourself, I was young once myself." With that the older woman, turned away, laughing down the hallway.

"Well, that was embarrassing." Harm said with a chuckle although it was to be expected, they hadn't exactly been quiet

Mac sat on the edge of the bed and ran a hand over his face. "Are you okay? You keep conking out on me."

"Can't help it, you wear me out"

She was going to say something about his appearance lately and the fact that he seemed to be wearing himself out with lack of sleep. That went out the window when Harm's hand slid into her robe and up to her breast. Mac tried to ignore the feeling of his hand on hers but, it was no use, she was coming apart. "I was gonna shower. Someone got me all sweaty again, care to join?"

Harm ignored her. His hands pulled away the robe, exposing her beautiful breasts to him. He took one in his mouth, lapping at her nipple while his hand massaged the other orb. It was the sound of her stomach growling that made him stop. "Hungry, Marine?"

"Yes, didn't realize it until now."

"I'm hungry too."

She chuckled at the sheepish look in his eyes and that gaze of arousal that was making his eyes darker. "For food or something else?

"For you." He said unabashed.

Mac briefly wondered where this side of him had been for all of these years. For that matter, she wondered why she hadn't pushed him to react years ago. She liked this side of him, she decided and wanted more. Slipping off the robe, she placed it on a chair and crawled over him, settling herself on his lap. "You were on top the last few times."

"And you're going to make me pay for that, aren't you?" He asked, noticing a mischievous look in her eye. Mac didn't answer, only bent down to kiss him slowly as her hips rocked against his.

2340 ZULU

Undisclosed Location

Bolivia

Webb was trying every means possible to get a lead on Harm and Mac. His contacts at the agency knew nothing and even a sly conversation with Chegwidden's Yeoman was fruitless. It was impossible for the pair to fall off the face of the Earth and yet, that was exactly what had happened. "Look into anything that you can find on Rabb, he couldn't have just disappeared." He spoke into a satellite phone with a contact he had on the inside.

"Clayton Webb, it's good to finally meet you." A man with a British accent said, walking into the farm house that was being used as a base by the CIA.

"Who the hell are you?" Webb stared at the man with curly hair and skin dark enough that he could pass as middle eastern. He wore a beard and was dressed in slacks and a plaid shirt. Clay's fingers caressed the gun at the small of his back, ready to draw if needed.

The man sensed the impending attack and raised his hands. "Easy there, Mr. Webb. I'm on your side. Simon Tanveer, MI6 at your service." The British agent had a flair about him and an arrogance that carried through his demeanor. "Agent Keeter and I have been working closely together, he seems to believe there is intel you need to know."

Keeter and Tanveer had met a week earlier - Jack had nearly killed the man believing he was a terrorist working for the cell trying to cross the neurotoxin into the States. Tanveer had been undercover for years using opiates as trade for military hardware. It was luck that had him cross paths with Sadik Fahd and become a trusted ally so much that he'd managed to dig up information about the mole which had infiltrated the CIA - information that he entrusted Keeter with.

"You need to hear this Clay, it's not good." Keeter stepped beside Tanveer with a solemn expression. "Andy Watson, Harm's former partner was the mole and he was on Sadik's payroll."

"Tell me something I don't know." Clay knew, of course and found it better to let Watson believe he was not made. It was easier to gather intel that way.

"You knew and still let Harm fly with him?"

"I didn't consider it a risk."

"No, you didn't consider Harm. You've been trying to get him out of the way, haven't you?" Keeter resisted the urge to punch the spy again.

"That's preposterous!" Clay defended. "Look, Harm was safe, sort of. And we let Watson give information to Sadik so that he could stay on his payroll and we could gather information about his next move."

Tanveer chose this moment to interrupt. "Watson is not the only mole, Webb."

That comment left Clay visibly shaken, his skin turning and almost ashen colour. For years he could mask his feelings and emotion with a cool exterior. He was trained for this, trained for the lies and still his facade wavered. "What do you mean by that, of course he is!"

Tanveer shook his head. "No, Clayton. After finding out about Mr. Watson, I told my superiors at MI6 and they began their own investigation. There isn't one mole in the CIA, there are multiple ones."

Clay couldn't help but laugh at the accusation even if he knew it was true. There was certain things he was privy to, information that couldn't be divulged with anyone. "That's impossible."

"I have proof."


	12. Dark Wings

Moving right along... Sorry for the delay most of the chapter was written but, I needed the Webb plot to start to unfold. This just couldn't be a story about Harm and Mac having sex every five seconds you know... Or could it... hmm... anyhoo. More author's notes at the end. ;)

Mistakes are my own, this is an on the fly kinda story a lot of it written from my cellphone. :)

Chapter 12 - Dark Wings  
"Dark wings they are descending  
See shadows gathering around  
One by one they are falling  
Every time they try to strike us down."  
"Dark Wings" Within Temptation

Two Days Later  
1400 Zulu  
Somewhere Near Milford, PA

Harm woke with a start reaching out across the bed to find the opposite site rather empty. He raised himself up on his elbows and eyed the darkened room. The only light was a sliver that crept in from one of the curtains that never really closed properly. He could hear sounds coming from outside of the room but, it was the smell of coffee that had him chuckling. Mac was the only woman he'd ever been with who would choose food over sex.

They'd been back at the cabin late the following night after severe rain held them captive in town for two days. Not that they seemed to mind, the pair had been too absorbed in each other to pay much matter to the weather. It was when they headed out of town that a serious conversation came about. Harm was driving, holding her hand when he felt her pull away…..

"What's the matter?" The moment they'd begun the drive back to the cabin, Harm could feel a change in Mac. She was quiet but, he could hear the wheels turning in her head. It worried him. What if this wasn't what she wanted? What if he'd lost his chance and this was nothing more than a messy get away? _No, Mac's not the type._

"Nothing." Mac had tried to brush it off, that negative feeling at the pit of her stomach. She didn't want to think about complicating things and yet, she couldn't help herself. That ferry ride in Sydney had done more damage that she was willing to admit.

"Something. What it is, Marine?"

She took a breath and let it out slowly. Harm could be like a dog with a bone and she knew he wouldn't let this one go. "What's going to happen when we go home to Washington? Is this over then?"

"What?" Harm nearly ran them off the road with her statement and decided to pull the truck off the side. "Mac, no. Look, I can't promise you that I won't make a mistake when it comes to us. But, I want this. I want _you_. Things will be okay when we get home."

"Home. Where is that for you? Because it's certainly isn't Washington anymore. You're barely there." Except for the days he'd been with Stephanie, she reminded herself, doubt creeping in again. Mac couldn't help herself, her track record with men was horrible. "This never should have happened." She said the words out loud before she could catch herself and instantly regretted it. "Shit."

"What? Mac? Where the hell are you going?" Harm said, yelling at her as she stepped out of the truck and leaned against its side. He wondered what he did wrong, if he'd said something to set her off. Conversations with Mac just never seemed to go right for them - he always managed to press the wrong buttons.. Jumping out of the truck, he came around to her side and stood in front of her. "What the hell is going on?"

"Why put off the inevitable?" She said sourly, refusing to look him in the eye. "Men just seem to pass through my life. . .They always leave, all of them."

Harm placed a hand on her chin and raised her head up in order to see her eyes. She was crying, tears streaming down her cheeks. He hated seeing her this way, the normally strong woman crumbling when it came to matters of the heart. What he hated more was that she was doubting him. "Except for me. I've always come back." He rushed the tears away with his thumb.

"Will you always be there?" Mac's voice was so soft, so small that a light breeze could have carried the words away. She felt vulnerable, fragile laying her fears before him to pick apart.

"Yes." He saw her visibly take a breath, a ragged one and despite the conviction in his tone, more tears fell.

"Then you need to know what the doctor told me." Mac had almost forgotten about her health issue, the one thing that had been discovered that made her feel less of a woman. He'd made her forget, wrapped her in a veil of desire that she needed. She'd selfishly used his body to erase the hurt inside. Harm had made her feel cherished, beautiful, sexy. Then today, as they packed up the truck, she remembered. "A few weeks before you came to me in Australia, I had a procedure done… I have endometriosis."

Harm's heart was threatening to burst out of his chest, it was beating so hard in fear of what she would tell him. He couldn't lose her, not now when things were falling into some sort of place. "Is it… C-cancer?" He could barely get the word out, the notion had dried his throat and he swallowed hard.

"No… God, no." She was thankful that it wasn't that serious. "It's a type of scar tissue, affects the female organs…" She stopped, trying to find a way to tell him the one thing she was dreading: to let him know that their deal was severed. "I can't have children, Harm. I had too much scar tissue… maybe if… if we'd tried sooner… we ran out of time. I shouldn't have pushed you away… I'm sorry." Mac was rambling, words coming out in broken fragments as her body shook from her crying. "I'm defective."

"Oh, Mac." Harm pulled her to him, holding her close as the sobs racked her body. He ran a soothing hand over her back and fought his own tears. "You're not defective and you aren't any less of a woman." He held her until the sobs stopped and then pulled away to look at her. "Everything that's happened in the last couple of days wasn't because we made a deal five years ago… It happened because I love you."

Mac stared at him, mouth agape as a zillion questions ran through her mind. He _loved_ her? "How long have you loved me?"

"I'm not sure… When you got engaged to Brumby, things started to click. I do anything to go back to Sydney harbor and get my head out of my six." It was that one point in their relationship that had sent everything into a catastrophic tailspin. "I'd been involved with my partner before - Kate Pike and I were a disaster, nothing but a bunch of empty, messy weekends…. Meg and I were also involved, it's why she left." He admitted, not wanting to divulge his past lovers but, he needed her to understand why it wasn't so easy for him to let go with her.

"You thought that if we got involved you'd lose me?" It made sense now, so much damned sense that she wanted to laugh about it. Had he told her back in Sydney she would have waited, she just needed to know what she was waiting for.

"It had happened before. Hell, you think you have problems with men? What about my track record with women?… Keeter and Sturgis think that I sabotage my relationships." It was a stupid theory but, one that had started to make sense the more he analyzed it. Harm was always attracted to the women he couldn't have. Once they were available, he would, inevitably throw a wrench in the works. It was easier to be involved with women like Kate who offered the promise of fun without the commitment.

"We're quite the pair, aren't we?" Mac brushed away a stubborn tear and then tugged at his shirt, bringing him close so she could hug him. She held on for dear life, holding him, needing to feel the strength of his arms around her. "Where do we go from here?"

"Do you believe in fate?"

"Well, it put us together, sort of."

"Fate can keep us together forever."  
...

And he'd meant it, believed that some power greater than them kept bringing them together. After Paraguay, he'd tried to erase his memories of Mac, the ones that haunted him when he wanted to be consumed by the darkness of being an agent. Somehow, he kept bumping into her. They'd been separated so many times and always came back to one another. That had to count for something.

Harm stared up at the ceiling knowing that there was still something waiting in the wings, a truth that he needed to tell her. He hoped she understood that he was trying to protect her, to save her. She was going to kill him.

After quickly dressing and brushing his teeth, he stepped out to the living room and turned to the kitchen to find Mac wearing one of his t-shirts. The hem of the shirt barely covered her backside, exposing the crisp white panties that she wore. The sight immediately brought his mind into the gutter and he wondered, yet again, how he'd resisted her for so long? "I wondered where that shirt went."

The sound of his voice startled her and the carafe of orange juice she'd been holding slipped out of her hand and shattered to a million pieces. It was usually rather hard to sneak up on her but, Mac's thoughts had been elsewhere - on a certain terrorist that was surely plotting his revenge. Considering their track record, she wouldn't be surprised if Sadik arrived at the cabin and tortured them both to death.

"Shit!" Mac cursed, staring down at her bare feet and the mess she made.

"Don't move. Let me grab some shoes." Harm hurried to his room, slipped on his sneakers and went to Mac's rescue. He lifted her by the hips and sat her atop the kitchen counter before getting to work on the glass that seemed to go everywhere. "Stay put, you don't wanna step on glass."

Mac watched him with interest seeing his domestic side kick into high gear as he quickly cleaned up the mess. "Can you hand me a wet rag? Some juice spilled on me." She cringed at the sticky residue on her legs.

"Where?" Harm wet the rag and made to clean her leg when he got a better idea. With a grin, he brought his mouth to a spot she'd pointed at just below her knee and lapped at the tangy droplets. He trailed his tongue up her leg pausing when Mac stopped him at her upper thigh.

"Harm." She said on a sigh, needing to stop him but, her body unwilling to as the sensations he was making her feel electrified her skin. "Harm… You need to stop." When he didn't stop, she pushed him away slightly, "Red light, Commander."

That made him pull back and stare up at her, a concerned expression in his eyes. "What's wrong?"

"The food's burning." She pointed at the pan behind them with a grin.

Harm stared stupidly at the pan and his brain went into action. "Shit!"

2320 Zulu

Clayton Webb's Condo

Alexandria, VA

Clayton Webb arrived at his apartment in Alexandria and dumped six perfectly cut diamonds onto his coffee table. He took one of the stones between his fingers and admired it's beauty. It was perfect currency, small, easy to hide and worth so much.

"Beautiful isn't it?" From his kitchen stepped out Agent Derrick Broucher, a senior instructor at the Farm and a man that had been Clay's friend for decades. "Your head's not in the game, you didn't notice I was here."

"Didn't I?" From underneath the jacket draped over his arm, Clay pointed a pistol with a silencer at the other agent and grinned knowingly. "Not losing my touch yet." The moment he stepped to the door of his apartment, Clay knew something was off. It was an instinct honed from years of playing spy. Years ago he pretended to be the bumbling idiot, allowing those around him to soften and consider him incompetent. The rouse worked and he wound up finding allies that were still trusted to this very day. Two of which included Harm and Mac. Despite what had happened in Paraguay - Clay was sure that the pair would aid him at the drop of a hat.

There was a slight shake to Webb's hand, a side effect from the nerve damage caused by the electricity that ran through his body. He couldn't help the shaking, it would always be a part of him. "As much as I am passionate about our job, I can't believe you allowed yourself to be tortured."

"Like I had a choice in the matter?" Despite many rouses and falsified investigations and missions, Paraguay had been different. Sadik Fahd was meant to be an ally not an enemy and somehow things went south. Andy Watson had leaked information to the wrong terrorist divulging information that went straight to Sadik and effectively destroying Webb's real plan - to steal the stinger missiles himself. "We have a problem."

Webb grabbed a bottle of flor de cana and poured himself and Broucher a tall glass. He drank down half and then refilled the glass again. "It's a big problem."

"Just one? Tell me who it is and I'll handle it." Broucher, like Webb was born into the CIA, both of their fathers had served the agency for many years. Both had been cultivated and molded to be a special kind of agent with an agenda that sometimes fit that of the CIA and, at other times, followed a different path.

"I wish it were that easy. He's an MI6 agent named Simon Tanveer. I tried to kill him twice but, Harm's current partner is too savvy for his own good."

The name had Broucher blanch visibly. "Tanveer? How the hell is he alive?"

"How do you know him?"

"We were friends once. Tanveer was sent to the Farm as means to evaluate how we train agents. We were good friends until about a year ago. He's an enemy of The Cause."

The Cause - it was always about their secret operation, one that had been ongoing since the Cold War and a clandestine brotherhood had formed within the ranks of the agency. They were a tight knit group, sons of fathers that were lost from varying conflicts and planned revenge on a dirty government and its officials. The secret war had been going on for decades, those who betrayed the brotherhood were eliminated. "Tanveer found out that Watson was a mole providing intel to Sadik."

"I told you we couldn't trust Andy… Look what happened to you because of him." Broucher downed the last bit of cana and then poured himself another.

"He's not a problem anymore." Clay too finished his drink and poured himself another, downing that one before refilling the glass again. It was a habit that he needed to break and then again, why did it matter? Mac wasn't around for him to impress anymore and the alcohol seemed to numb the parts of him that needed it.

He was never really good at killing people face to face, an art form that most of his kind needed in order to survive. Clay was best at ordering surgical strikes from a distance and not seeing the whites of someone's eyes as he killed them. Derrick was different, a darker form of agent that was able to kill on command and without much remorse. Murdering Andy Watson had been out of self preservation and putting an end to the man's suffering. He'd been caught by Sadik's men and tortured savagely - it had been more of mercy killing. "Keeter and Tanveer found him tortured almost to death. They took him to a small hospital and I slipped something into his IV bag. Andy's dead."

"Good." Broucher said on a shrug, never really liking the man. "It's time to start recruiting again after we kill Sadik Fahd."

Webb agreed, "Then I suggest you get on the task force that is bringing him down. Keeter and Rabb came up with a plan, they are using a doppelganger pretending to be Mac in order to bait him. You just need to make sure he dies."

"Oh, that won't be a problem. Killing is what I do best."

0100 Zulu

Somewhere near Milford, Pa

"Did you go to the wall on Christmas Eve?" Harm was taken back by her question and his hands that were gently massaging her calves stilled. After dinner, Mac drew a bath and asked him to join. The tub was large enough to fit the two of them and they currently sat across from one another.

Mac who had her eyes closed as he massaged her legs, propped one eye open. "It wasn't a trick question, I swear."

He recalled, quite vividly how he'd spent his Christmas and it wasn't anywhere near Washington. Instead, he was at a hotel in Dubai pretending to be someone he was not. "No. I wasn't in town."

"Oh." She said softly, remembering her visit to the Wall "I spent a few hours hoping to find you there."

"Did you talk to him?"

"I asked him to keep you safe." Mac admitted but, what she really asked Harm's father was for his son to come home to her. She needed to talk to him, to fix their wrongs and patch whatever relationship they could. Apparently, he had listened.

"I don't remember much about him anymore. Just snippets." Most of his memories were emblazoned on pictures salvaged from his youth. Even the tapes that Harm had cherished so much had been put away. It was a ghost that needed to be put to rest. "You know, if we hadn't discovered his grave, I would have still been looking for him. I wouldn't have stopped until the day I died."

"I know." Mac remembered the cool day in Russia looking out to the mountains and clouds of the Taiga. She'd been Harm's rock on that trip, giving him a strength that he didn't know he needed. She'd followed him into a dangerous world where spies from different countries set the rules. It was a miracle that they survived. ' _You've come with me farther than anyone I know. I'll never forget that, Mac."_

"Thank you for sticking with me out there."

"Anytime, partner." She shared a smile with him and then lay her head back as Harm began massaging her other leg.

"I was horrible to Frank for so long, I'm surprised he stayed married to my mother."

"I'm sure he knew what he was getting into."

"I guess but, I would have shipped my ass to boarding school. It wasn't until I was done with Anapolis that I realized how much of a pain I was. I may have begged him to forgive me and he did, like nothing happened. He loved my mother that much."

"He adores your mother." Mac had met Trish and Frank twice, each time receiving a warm greeting as if she'd been part of the family. The pair was very loving and devoted to one another. Mac found herself wanting that - a love that was tested and still came out on top.

"Mom loves him more than she loved my father. It took me a while to get over that." Harm's hands stilled, his mind going back to a time several years ago when a mysterious lady told him facts about Harm Sr that he would have rather not known. "He had an affair, Mac."

Mac raised her head and looked at him. She could see the hurt look in his eyes. "Harm, you need to let that go. He was in Russia and…"

"No, not Russia… before that. I never told you." Harm could forgive his father for starting a relationship with Sergei's mother. He was sure he'd never make it home and any attempts to would have been met with a swift death. But, the one with Jenny Lake, a USO singer that his father had met aboard a ship, it marred his perception.

Mac was stunned to hear his confession and the story of a hurt girl who sought comfort in Harm Sr's arms. She watched him tell the story, noting the darkening of his eyes as his eternal hero fell from grace. "Do you really believe her?"

"Why would she lie?" He thought time and time again about Jenny's story and realized that though it did not diminish his love for his father, things would never feel the same.

"I'm sorry."

"I could never do that, you know? No matter what… I'm the faithful kind."

"Not a sailor with a girl in every port?" She'd known the rumors of a certain Naval Aviator - the flirtatious, promiscuous nature was practically assigned with the gold wings.

"That was a long time ago and no, the few times I've been serious about someone, I don't stray." He admitted with a grin.

Mac leaned forward in the tub and drew her legs to her chest. "Is that why you stayed with Renee?"

"That and you seemed happy with Mic. Despite my feelings for you, I wasn't going to get in the way if you loved him." They both sat quietly for a moment, mulling over the fact that he loved her enough to sacrifice his happiness for hers.

"What time is it?" He asked suddenly, remembering that he still needed to contact Keeter at a specific time. His friend was likely worried sick. When she responded, he realized time was starting to run out and he needed to get out of the tub. "Hmmm, the water is starting to get cold." He crawled out of the tub and wrapped a towel around his waist knowing full well she was watching.

Harm took another towel that was hooked behind the door and held it open to wrap Mac in it once she stood up. "Don't want you getting cold."

"I'll be back in a few minutes. I saw some raccoons outside the house and want to make sure the trash cans are secure." It was a stupid explanation but one that he knew she would not argue. He followed her to the bedroom, standing at the doorway and watching her with interest. Mac hadn't said a word, merely let the towel slip off her body and pool to the floor as she made her way to the bed. Her movements were seductive and terribly erotic making blood pool instantly to the lower half of his anatomy.

"Hurry back." Mac ran a hand over the bed and then laid down facing him. She had a wicked smile and smoke in her eyes and it was all he could do to not abandon that satellite call to Keeter.

"Ugh, you are going to give me a heart attack, you know that?" He placed a hand to his heart and feigned a grimace which only made her chuckle. "You laugh it up, Marine."

"Like what you see?" Her voice was playful and sexy.

"Yes, a lot. You're beautiful, Sarah." Which was a miracle he'd resisted her _this_ long. He'd been such an idiot. "I'll be back." Before he could make his way to the other room and grab his clothes, he heard Mac call him back. This time, rather than find her seductively staring at him, she was covered by the comforter and clutching it up to her chest.

Mac wasn't sure what made her cover up she only knew that the words she was about to tell him needed some decorum. "I love you." After she said them, she breathed a sigh of relief. She'd been wanting to tell him for so long and despite their words at her engagement party, this was real. She wasn't hiding behind her engagement to another man. This was just the two of them with nothing between them anymore. "I've loved you for so long, Harm." She confessed, despite the nagging voice in her head warning her that they would never work out.

She looked so vulnerable to Harm almost as if she were waiting for him to push her away again. How had he done that so many times? And why? Keeter and Sturgis had been right, he just couldn't let himself be happy. That was over now, he hoped. "You know, I lo…"

"I don't need to hear it. I know." Mac interrupted him which won her that flyboy smile she adored so much. "Hurry up, sailor."

"Aye, aye, ma'am!" Harm snapped to attention and saluted her before dressing and slipping out of the house with the satellite phone in tow. He was grinning like an idiot and practically skipping as he made his way down the dock. "This is Lighthouse, incoming call for Beacon."

' _Lighthouse, this is Beacon, you're coming in clear as a bell. Where the hell have you been?!'_ Even over the phone, Harm could hear the exhaustion in Keeter's voice. Something was wrong.

"What happened?"

' _Am I that transparent?'_

"Yes." The details that his friend would reveal next was a blow to their mission and any victories they'd enjoyed in the last few months. Andy Watson, who was also a pilot for the CIA and the first person Harm had work with was recently tortured and died at the hospital.

What had thrown Harm for a loop was the fact that Andy Watson was a mole. "That's fucking impossible! From what I heard the guy barely got out of the Farm in one piece."

Watson was not cut out to be a spy, far from it. The man was afraid of his shadow and so by the book it was nauseating. It suddenly made sense to Harm as to why the man was so cautious, it was all a rouse and one that he'd fallen into hook, line and sinker. "Did he pay off an instructor to pass?"

' _He didn't need to pay off anyone, Harm. They just let him in… Look, it's bigger than just one person. Before he died, Andy gave up some info - since the Cold War there's been a small group of rogue agents who've been involved in everything from the arms race to funding the Taliban. Ever wonder why no one knew about 9/11? How the hell else could you crash two planes into the World Trade Center and one into the Pentagon without a peep from NSA, CIA or the FBI? It's more than just ONE mole...We don't even know how many there are. That's why they tapped Mac to join Webb and that's why you weren't let back into the Navy. The CIA trusts you two - they are recruiting more military folks at such a rapid pace."_

Harm's head was spinning from all of the information. It was so hard to process, he had to lean against the railing around the dock to get his bearings. They had been used although for good reason. "I think I'm going to be sick… How the hell did no one figure this out until now?"

' _Because they've been doing their jobs - they've been capturing the bad guys…They've even sacrificed some of their own just to make the agents look good.'_

"How does Sadik play into all of this?"

' _We suspect the rogue agents are using him to secure weapons on the black market without CIA involvement.'_

Dear God, if what Keeter was insinuating was correct, they were all doomed. "The rogues in the CIA offered mis-information."

' _Bingo. And now we're trying to clean that goddamned mess up without any of the other moles catching on. Kershaw is about to lose his shit over this.'_

"I'll bet. How'd you find all this?"

' _MI6 has been onto it for years. One of their agents, Simon Tanveer is working with us now. He found Watson tortured and was able to squeeze information out of him before he died.'_

"Any word on Sadik?" He was hoping that with all of the bad news, Keeter could find some information that would brighten their mission. Kershaw could only afford Harm two weeks off and after that, all bets were off. If Sadik wasn't found, he'd have to return to duty and all of this would have been for naught.

' _We may have a hit, someone in North Carolina spotted him boarding a train heading to Virginia. Seems he's heading to Washington. We have agents on the ground waiting for its arrival. We'll finally get this bastard.'_

Harm trusted Jack with his life and the strength of his friend's voice made him believe hat Sadik was finally out of their lives for good. "I'll contact you the same time tomorrow and thanks, Keeter."

' _How's Mac?'_ The timbre in Jack's voice had changed to a lighter, insinuating tone. He was hoping his friend would get his head out of his ass for once. ' _You can't keep pushing her away forever buddy.'_

"I decided to stop doing that." Harm didn't know how else to tell his friend that Mac and he had finally 'done the deed.' This just wasn't the type of relationship that he wanted to cheapen with tawdry details to his friends. He loved her, respected her and Mac deserved a good man not some jet jock asshole. "She told me she loves me."

' _Roger that. You better get back to her.'_ That was all of the confirmation that Keeter needed to know that their relationship had changed. ' _Don't let her get away from you, Harm. She's a keeper.'_

Now if only they could get rid of a certain terrorist and their lives could go back to normal.

AN: So, I considered the "baby deal" over and over again and decided to keep some things as they are on the actual show. The baby deal, while cute, I was not a fan of. It was, as doctor McCool suggested, a "back up plan." And I don't really want to think of Harm and Mac having each other as a back up. I've been enjoying writing them "talking" because they needed to do a lot of it.

Watching old JAG episodes it always amuses me how some stuff gets brushed aside as if it never occurred and I believe, as close friends that they were - Harm and Mac would have talked about it. Hope I am not boring you kids with their chats. :)


	13. Blooded

TPTB missed their mark by not putting a scene of Harm and Mac sparring. Just saying... ;)  
And with this chapter, I think that Harm and Mac have had all of the relationship talks they should have had.

Not sure if I missed something they should have talked about. It's been fun writing these scenes.

So... We're looking at about 4-5 more chapters and then we wrap up. NO SEQUEL.  
But, I have two ideas in the works, actually three.

One of them Mac gives up HER commission and goes to the CIA. It's almost a reverse of this one.  
The other, Mac DOES marry Mic and a lot of stuff happens. It will be rather angsty. I love angst. LOL!

Plus, I'm digging through my old drive and fixing some of the disasters that I called stories. Some I will post, others I will take with me to the grave. ;)

Chapter 13: Blooded

1400 Zulu  
Somewhere in Milford

Harm and Mac stood in the field behind the house, circling each other over the thick patch of grass that covered the ground. He was squaring up, trying not to telegraph his next move and somehow, Mac always managed to kick his ass. He was always able to get in a hit or two but, his size didn't matter when you dealt with a woman that knew how to use that size to her advantage. "You're mine MacKenzie."

Only she wasn't and the moment he made to tackle her, Mac took his arm, pushed her hip into his stomach and flipped him over landing him squarely on his back. Before he had a chance to stand, Mac grabbed his arm and had it twisted in an angle that caused enough pain for Harm to tap out but, not enough to permanently hurt him. Her foot landed on his chest, shoving him into the ground when he started to resist. "Geez, they need to teach you squids how to fight. For that matter, what the hell are they teaching you out at the Farm, anyhow?"

"Well, you once said that you'd have me on the deck with your foot on my throat."

"My foot's on your chest." She pointed out with a victorious grin before helping him stand. Harm made to sweep her leg and bring her down but, instead he was on his back again. This time, Mac straddled him. "You're not playing fair."

Harm stared up at her and chuckled. "You're a kickboxer and have a black belt in jiu jitsu, it's hardly fair. I needed to find any advantage." Before she knew what hit her, Harm spun Mac around laying her flat on her back as he hovered over her. He lowered himself down and kissed her slowly, savoring the feel of her lips on his.

Mac wrapped her arms around him and pulled him closer, deepening the kiss. She moaned against his lips when his hand slipped under her shirt. "You're. Still. Not. Playing. Fair. Squid." She punctuated between kisses and then locked her ankle around his in an attempt to roll him off of her. It worked but, only because Harm was willing.

She lay next to him using his arm as a pillow. "How the hell did you wind up as a field agent anyway? It's not the type of job I could ever see you doing." Fly. That is all he was supposed to do for the CIA, fly missions and stay in the relative safety of an airplane. When she first heard that Harm had turned into a field agent, Mac went into panic mode. The CIA was far too unpredictable and sadly, Harm would be just another expendable asset for them. So, she kept badgering Clay, hoping to find out his whereabouts, needing to know if he was still alive.

"Remember Beth O'Neil?"

"Yep, fraternization charge. Lemme guess, she wound up in the agency?"

"As my partner." He deadpanned.

"Oh." Mac couldn't help the jealous inflection although she wanted to hide it. O'Neil was an attractive woman with a reputation for seducing men in her command. With her relationship with Harm so rocky back then, she really couldn't blame him if he'd… God, she didn't want to think about him with anyone else. "She's an attractive woman." And yet the words came out and she couldn't help herself. Damned insecurity.

Harm rolled onto his side and stared at her intently. "I swear, nothing happened between us, Mac. She's not my type." O'Neil was interested in women, a fact that Harm had never told Mac about and would continue to keep it quiet, it was his secret with Beth. "Anyway, I can't get into specifics but, we had a certain _cargo_ to pick up. Said _cargo_ went missing in the middle of the forest, we gave chase and wound up in a shootout but, managed to secure the _cargo._ I found I liked the adrenaline rush of working in the field."

Mac could understand. Her own mission with Webb had held an exhilaration about it that she craved - something that working at JAG didn't hold a candle to. "I understand the adrenaline rush, I felt it on the field with Webb until it became a little too real. You weren't content just flying for the agency?"

"I'm a jet jock, Mac… Except for a few experimental aircraft, they had me flying a C130. It's like flying a bus, not exactly the sexiest thing in the air. It didn't give me the rush of going supersonic." But, being a field agent did give him the rush, something he needed to be able to shake the memories of when she'd broken his heart. When he was on assignment it was the only time he didn't think about her as his concentration on the mission was more important. "Being out there, relying on yourself it's a rush like nothing I've ever felt. Rules don't really apply to me anymore."

There was no military protocol or a standard operating procedure mandated by some pencil pusher in Washington. He was his own boss, given only a set of parameters to work with which he could manipulate at will. There were _some_ rules but, the lines often blurred as to how they should be followed. The sad fact was that Harm was enjoying himself until he had taken the life of someone - a teenaged boy that was pointing a rifle at him with intent to kill. He ended the boy's life and it barely bother him. It was just part of job. His steel emotions did waver the day he had to stop Keeter from saving two agents. If he tried to rescue them, he and Keeter would be killed as well. So he watched them die.

"I'm losing myself, Mac." He said quietly and turned away from her curious gaze. Harm didn't want her to see his eyes and the emotions he was sure he couldn't mask. "I was told time and time again that the agency sucks out your soul and they were right. I'm good at my job and can kill on command…I barely waver."

Mac pressed her fingers against his cheek and turned his head so that she could look at him. He seemed wired, uncertain and… scared? They had been wrapped up in each other for the last few days to the point that she'd forgotten a bit about the outside world. "Webb said the same thing to me once, that you aren't cut for the agency. He called you a boy scout."

"I've had to kill with my bare hands and, honestly, I am not sure why. I don't know if the men I killed were good or bad. I'm being used to fight some war that we don't know a damned thing about."

Mac pulled her to him and held him in a tight embrace. "You need to believe what you are doing is for the greater good, Harm."

"Is there a greater good?" Only there was more to it than that, a darkness that wanted to consume him and turn him into the pure killing machine that the CIA longed for him to be. "If we didn't meet when we did in Australia, you would have lost me. I was starting to kill without remorse." His eyes had darkened and glaze over to an almost predatory look that scared her.

"This isn't you, Harm. It's a survival instinct that is clicking into place to keep you alive. You're better than them."

"You're the only thing keeping me sane, Mac. . . I wanted to hate you, I tried but, the moment you patched me up and kept me safe…" He trailed off and closed his eyes. "Stephanie helped, somewhat but, I didn't really care about her. If I didn't return to her, it didn't matter. Coming back to you does."

"What made you decide to stop being angry at me?" She had wondered how they got to this point. How the man that refused to answer her calls and had been so callused could suddenly want her this much.

Harm couldn't help the grin that spread on his lips. It had been jealousy that made him finally make a move. "Seeing you in that gorgeous red dress, hanging onto Webb's arm. I just… I needed to know if there was still something there. I had to try."

"I'm happy that you did. Although I didn't make it easy on you."

He couldn't blame her, things between them had never been easy. "I've fallen hard for you. Never felt like this about anyone else and I know I never will." It was all or nothing with him, always had been which is why he'd kept her away for so long. The fact that the Navy could separate them at any point was already weighing over him. It was certain that a relationship with Mac would have separated them faster. So, he held her at arm's length content to just have her in his life as a friend.

"We need to get you out, bring you home." Mac was determined now, more than ever to get him back to JAG.

"They aren't going to let me leave right now and if I try I'm afraid of what may happen." With the new information that Keeter had laid on him Harm was sure he'd be assigned additional duties once he got back home. "Plus, I _need_ to finish what I started."

Mac didn't ask what he was referring to she knew he'd been studying maps on a daily basis that, from what she could gather, seemed to point to a specific area in Bolivia. "How long will it take?"

"I don't know but, when it's done, I'll put my request in to Kershaw - I'll try to get out." Once the mission in Boliva was done, he would contact Chegwidden and see what, if any his options were for getting back into the Navy.

0230 Zulu  
Georgetown

Agent Derrick Broucher sat outside of a small cafe in Georgetown trying to remain inconspicuous. He was pretending to people watch all the while keeping an eye on Lena Knoxx, the female agent that had been tapped to play Mac's doppelganger. Sadik had finally made contact via a cell phone call from an untraceable source.

The two women had the same height, similar build with exotic good looks. Agent Knoxx's hair had been cut and dyed just like Mac's. While their voices weren't the same, Knoxx was speaking with a hoarse voice and claiming to be sick. Sadik Fahd had bought the rouse, for now and instructed Knoxx to meet him at a Hookah lounge just a few blocks from Mac's apartment.

He sat in wait knowing that the charade would come to an end once Sadik took a good look at Knoxx. They could only fool him for so long. "Anyone see him?" He whispered into the com set that was hidden under his sleeve. "No matter what happens, we take him alive." He reminded the team although his own personal mission was just the opposite.

Sadik had information that would bring down what he and Clay were trying to accomplish. It would likely be easy to pump information from the terrorist who'd give up their clandestine dealings in order to save himself. Especially since it had nothing to do with his Jihad.

Through the wired taped between Agent Knoxx's breasts, Derrick could hear her side of the conversation with Sadik. He was nearby, probably passed by all of the agents littered along the busy streets as he went into the Hookah bar. And that's when he heard it, the crack of glass breaking and the sounds of a woman being beaten. "He's in there, move in! Move in!"

Broucher sprinted down the street, gun in one hand and fighting the throng of people running out of the bar. He pushed his way to the back finding the spot where Knoxx had likely been seated. "Where are they?" He shouted and a young couple hiding under a table pointed towards the kitchen door.

He pushed his way through and walked in slowly finding Knoxx in a hand to hand battle with the terrorist. A former Marine, the woman had the upper hand and got in several good hits against Sadik. Her mistake was to shove him against the appliances and a little too close to where several knives sat on a table top.

"Woman, tell me where Sarah MacKenzie is or I will gut you." Sadik threatened as the woman took a fighting stance. Knoxx managed to dodge the man a few times using her forearm to stop the knife from hitting any critical area.

The knife sliced through her skin and she yelped in pain before lunging herself at him. "You sick son of a bitch!" Knoxx tried to wrestle the knife away but, the man was much stronger than she.

Sadik twisted the instrument in an odd angle, plunging it into Koxx's gut. "Tell me."

"Never!" Knoxx yelled, trying to keep Sadik from running away. It was a valiant effort until she felt herself start to pass out.

Derrick stepped further into the kitchen and raised his gun at the terrorist. "Time to tie up loose ends."

"Agent Broucher, it's good to see you again. Put that thing down before someone gets hurt." He motioned at the gun and a sick smile spread on his face. "You know I don't come unprepared… If you do not let me go, innocents will die tonight."

With that, Broucher put two bullets in Sadik Fahd - one in the arm and one to the head. Behind him he could hear the commotion as the rest of the agents stormed into the bar. Raising his sleeve he spoke into his radio. "Agent down, needs medical. Sadik is dead, I repeat, Sadik is dead." He dropped to his knees in front of Knoxx and pressed two fingers to her neck to find a weakening pulse. Somehow, the woman had survived. "Damnit." He made to grab the knife and twist it deeper into the woman's body when the rest of his team ran into the kitchen. "She's alive, get medical NOW!"

0300 Zulu  
Somewhere Near Milford, PA.

Harm and Mac sat outside rocking gently on the porch swing while they each nursed a cup of coffee. He was wondering what it would take to extend their time at the cabin. He also wondered what it was going to take to keep her in his life forever. Fate had a way of bringing them together and it also had a way of making things difficult between them. Love could only go so far. "What's the matter? I can hear the wheels churring in your head."

He'd stopped rocking the swing and got a far off look that Mac wasn't a fan of. He'd been doing that a lot lately when they weren't wrapped up in the throes of passion. "Nothing." Harm said although he knew his answer would not appease her.

" _Something_ and no, I am not going to let it go. We do that too much and then it festers and becomes some complicated thing."

Harm took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I am wondering if I still need operating instructions for you." He said and chuckled at the thought of reading a manual on keeping Sarah MacKenzie happy.

Mac sighed and couldn't help the eye roll. The man would always be infuriating! "You know, it really doesn't take much. I am not high maintenance. I am not the overbearing type that won't let you go out with you friends. Expensive perfumes and jewelry while nice doesn't mean much. You could buy me a dozen roses or pick the weeds from the front of my yard."

"What do you need?"

Mac stares at him as if he'd grown two heads. "You really can't figure me out, can you?"

"Mac, look… I've gone out with plenty of women. But, I've never felt about any of them the way I feel for you. What about the men you've been with, what attracted you to them?"

"Well, they wanted me and let me know it." She says softly, almost shyly. This conversation was an odd turn of events but, something she knew they needed to have. "I guess, I need to know I am wanted."

"I want you, Mac. I've wanted you for years." Harm really couldn't remember when he started desiring her as a woman only that he became aware of his feelings when she'd taken Brumby's ring.

"Years? Really? That's news to me." She couldn't help the harsh tone or the reaction to walk away from him and lean against the railing. Mac wanted to hit him and knock some sense into the man. "Years?"

"You didn't know?"

She spun on her heel and faced him. "I'm not a mind reader, Harm. With you there was always something in the way, another woman, searching for your father..."

"All of that's past."

"Is it?"

"Yes." Harm stood and walked to her, his hands dropping to either side of her so that she was trapped between him and the railing. "Look, things aren't ideal, I get that. And as to why we got together now, I don't know and I really don't care. It took you almost marrying Mic for me to realize I had feelings for you. And yet, I was losing you."

"Why didn't you do anything about it then?" She always wondered about that, how he could kiss her so senselessly the night of her engagement party and have it fizzle away as if nothing had happened.

"Because you seemed happy and I wasn't going to destroy your relationship when I didn't know what I wanted. I'm an arrogant ass but, I am also honorable."

He was honorable to a fault, it was one of the things she loved about him. "Any other man would have tried to break up my engagement."

"I guess I sorta did anyway." He said sheepishly knowing full well that his involvement with Mac was the reason why Mic left. The man was a fool. "I want you to be happy, Mac."

"Even if it's not with you?"

"Yes." Although he hated to admit it. "I love you enough to let you go although it would kill me." He was being sincere, putting his heart on his sleeve. It was the first time he'd been able to tell her the truth about what he felt for her and hoped she understood. "Why didn't it work out with you and Webb? Scuttlebutt had you two hot and heavy."

Mac snorted and rolled her eyes. Washington was often nothing more than high school for adults. "You mean besides the fact that I don't love him and was basically using him to make sure you were still alive? ...The lies."

At the mention of the word Harm felt a cold spike roll down his spine. "Lies? What lies?"

"He told me there would be no lies, he wouldn't make me wonder. But, it's just the opposite with him. He lied about no longer being a field agent when he was placed on active duty almost immediately. I didn't need specifics - I get that his work is classified. But, I needed to know what was going on with him. And there was something else that I never could put a finger on..."

Harm was about to probe her for information when a distinct sound came from the kitchen. The shrill was unmistakable and Harm carried himself in swift strides until he pulled the satellite phone out from its hiding spot. "Beacon this is lighthouse, hearing you loud and clear." He spoke into the phone knowing full well Mac had followed him.

Mac was not surprised to see the device given the lack of cell phone service. What did surprise her was the way he suddenly held onto the open cabinet door as if he were using it to keep upright. "Harm? What is it?"  
Harm heard the words come through the satellite phone loud and clear and yet, he held his breath waiting for it to be a lie. ' _Did you hear me? Sadik Fahd is dead - the bait worked.'_

"How… How can you be so sure?" He wanted to believe his friend but, had too much intel on the terrorist. It was easy to evade capture when you can turn into anyone and Sadik was a master at it. His eyes met Mac's and he gave her a reassuring smile.

' _I saw the pictures, it's him, Harm, I swear it. Lena is alright, son of a bitch plunged a knife into her gu whhe realized it wasn't Mac but, she'll live. It's over.'_ Keeter relayed all of the details on how the terrorist was captured and killed. It was a victory for the agency and, not. Any information that Sadik could have given them went to the grave. ' _Harm, it's over. Mac is safe."_

Over? Was it really and in such an anti-climatic way. Harm had always hoped to be the one to kill Sadik Fahd, to hurt and torture the man for the things he did to Clay and Mac. It had been an obsession of his which was beginning to corrupt his soul. He wanted Sadik's blood on his hands, to be the conquering hero who would put that nightmare to rest. If he was honest, part of him didn't want Sadik to be dead - he still wanted his chance. "They killed him?"

Killed? Mac's heart began to hammer against her chest as she waited for him to address her. "Who's dead?" She couldn't help to worry about Clay. What if Sadik had finally made his move and there was no one to protect him?

' _Yes. Which means we'll be out in the Chaco a bit longer… We needed information that only he could give us. Goddamnit, I don't know if I should be fucking pissed or thrilled.'_

"I know, Jack. I feel the same." They needed Sadik alive and the sensitive information only he could provide. This meant that Harm would be sent back out to Boliva with Keeter in hopes of finding the whereabouts of Sadik's terrorist cell.

"Harm, please. Who's dead?"

Lies. What she hated most was the lies that Clay had fed her for whatever reason. Although he hadn't quite lied to her, Harm's omission could have been misconstrued as just that - a lie. "Sadik Fahd is dead." He managed to catch her as the news made Mac collapse.


	14. The Cross

It wouldn't be a fanfic of mine without the Angst. Hang on folks, gonna get a little bumpy

CHAPTER 14 - The Cross  
"You refuse to see, you're denying me  
the cross I bear but you don't seem to care  
Even Judas knew he had lied"  
"The Cross" from Within Temptation

0310 Zulu

Somewhere Near Milford, PA

Mac woke up, her head slightly spinning and a sickening feeling settled at the pit of her stomach. She could count with two fingers how many times she'd fainted in her life. The first time was during boot camp when her body just shut down from the rigors of Marine training and not enough calories consumed. "Uh, what happened?"

"You passed out." Harm helped her sit up and then offered a glass of orange juice which she chugged down thirstily. "You've been out for at least twenty minutes….Sadik Fahd is dead, Mac."

Her vision swam again as a pounding in her head increased. _Sadik Fahd is dead._ Only it couldn't be, the man had a way of evading capture. "No. He can't be. How do you know?" Harm didn't answer, merely sat there trying to formulate a response that she would accept. His lips moved but no sound came out. It was the Rabb-in-the-headlights look that had her hazy mind clearing. He was holding something back from her, she knew it. "What's going on, Harm?"

"Please don't be mad at me." The words came out before he could stop himself and instantly hew knew that he'd taken the wrong approach with her. Harm could see her putting her walls up, the look in her eyes changing. God, why hadn't he just told her, from the start, what his plans were?

"How do you know he's dead?" Again, she was met with silence and that stare of his that was beginning to make her angry. "What didn't you tell me?"

Harm took a breath and let it out nervously. ' _He told me there would be no lies, he wouldn't make me wonder.'_ She was strong, capable and someone who could have survived a tete-tete with Sadik but, he couldn't be the one to use her as bait. He loved her too much, she had to know that. "I've been after Sadik since I started withe the agency. It was the main reason why I became a field agent - I chose to be assigned to search for Sadik's cell in Bolivia."

"Bolivia? What about Paraguay?"

"After we destroyed the stingers, whatever was left of Sadik's goons moved deeper into the Chaco. Intel had them set up in different parts of Bolivia. Seems like we blew up some of the stingers but, more were left out there. We had hard intel that someone in the CIA was giving Sadik information and found out it was one of the men I flew with when I started in the agency."

Mac shook her head in disbelief. "I thought after Hardy died that all the leaks were plugged."

"Kershaw did too. But, it's more that just my old partner, something big is going on. A few months ago Keeter and I managed to track down and capture a known associate of Sadik's. We held him captive and got information that Sadik had been researching a female Marine officer. He had pictures of you, details about your personal life down to what time of the day you went to the gym. He was building a profile on you, casing you."

"Oh God." Fundamentally, Mac knew that her time would come that, eventually the terrorist would come for her. She'd been preparing for it, working out harder and getting stronger in case hand to hand combat would ensue. Weapons were hidden in several parts of her apartment, all with easy access to their hiding places. Mac made it a point to stick to public places when she went out and always made sure others were at the office when staying late. She was protecting herself, never letting her guard down. "How was he killed?" She glanced at him, knowing he was holding something back, something that she was sure would upset her. "What did you do?"

"Webb's plan was to use you as bait and once I caught wind of it, I threatened to go public with the knowledge that the CIA was using military officers as field agents. It would have destroyed Kershaw's career. I offered a solution to use someone else."

"Someone else?"

"A doppelganger, of sorts." Former Marine officer Lena Knoxx had been the solution. A newer agent, she was determined to prove herself and move up in the ranks. She was military trained and followed orders to a fault. Best of all, with some changes, she had the height and build to pass as Mac. "We cut her hair, dyed it to match yours." Harm remembered being at Langley when Agent Knoxx walked towards him - though they were not twins, from a distance, he was fooled - it was good enough to fool Sadik Fahd as long as he kept his distance. "The Admiral knew and made sure she was safe at headquarters. The CIA was watching your apartment in case he attempted to take her then. She stayed in your place, drove your car - we had her follow your schedule."

Recognition hit Mac square in the face and the ruse that he was keeping up for her showed on his face. He handled her, kept her out of the loop and even had someone living in _her_ apartment. The idea made her skin crawl. "You brought me here to keep me away? You didn't think I could handle myself."

 _Here we go,_ Harm thought knowing it was the same card she always pulled - the _I'm a Marine -_ speech of hers. "I knew you could but… Sadik doesn't play fair, it was just easier to keep you out of the equation."

"I'm a Marine… And I've been waiting for him." With that she stood and angrily paced back and forth. She wanted to scream, to grab him and shake some sense into that head of his. "So this… _all of this_ was a ruse? A way to get me out of Washington and I was stupid enough to fall for it." Mac stared at him and a familiar ache in her chest threaten to squeeze the very breath out of her. She'd slept with him believing that he cared, that he wanted her that he loved her… was it all for show? No, it couldn't be, some feelings were impossible to fake and she knew him. The time that they'd spent together was real and right and cherished. It just hurt to know that Harm had brought her to the cabin with an ulterior motive. "Why didn't you tell me? And what about Clay? Who the hell was watching him?"

"He told me he was leaving the country and would be safe." Her concern for Webb hurt him, Harm could care less what happened to the spook. Especially after the last few months where Clay was flaunting his relationship with Mac. He considered Webb a friend once and now, Harm wanted to tear him to shreds. "Why do you care what happens to him, anyway?"

"He kept me safe, Harm! He kept Sadik's men away from me."

"Oh yeah, that's why I found you about to be hooked up to jumper cables. The bastard did a stellar job." Harm's anger was rising, making any rational thought disappear from his mind. A familiar feeling began coursing through his veins - the tick of adrenaline that had him walling off his emotions. He'd held it back somehow, the last few days Mac had managed to keep him sane and now control was slipping - Harm couldn't help himself. "It's his fault you were ever a blip on Sadik's radar… It's his fault we were almost killed and it's his fault I resigned my commission!" Harm yelled at her, unable to contain his emotion any longer. He didn't want her to care for the other man not when their lives were so negatively impacted by him.

"Don't give me that shit, Harm. You resigned your commission because of that goddamned hero complex of yours. And don't tell me that you did it for me because, in the past, you've nearly thrown away your career for a complete stranger!"

Harm stood in front of her, tall, unrelenting and definitely upset. The look in his eyes changed, they darkened, angrily staring down at her. He clenched his fists squeezing so hard that his fingertips hurt from the strain. It was all he could do to not psychically hurt her. "You should have said no, Colonel." He accused, his breathing labored as if his words had cost him something. "Instead you went off with Webb and left me behind."

Mac stared up at him knowing instinctively that his control was wavering. She didn't care and dared to extract what he was repressing. "You blame me for this, don't you? It's my fault your life is in such a tail spin."

"You shouldn't have walked out on me!" He was referring to the time she had come to his apartment after Singer's death. Harm never understood why she went to him then, seemingly to check up on him only to leave. "I told you not to go and you just walked out."

"And you would have done the same! Tell me I'm wrong."

Harm couldn't argue that, he felt the wind come out of his sails. Had Webb tapped him, he would have gone along. Knowing that the mission was dangerous only would have fuled him. "You were nearly killed by Sadik. Webb's plan to use you as bait was asinine. I wasn't going to serve you up on a plate for that son-of-a-bitch!"

"That doesn't give you the right to lie to me about what was going on, Harm!" She yelled back and he stood still, quietly knowing that that she was right. "You have to stop playing Superman."

"I know you, Mac...and I kept you out of the loop for a reason… you would have accepted Webb's stupid plan and it would have been you at the hospital and not agent Knoxx."

If possible, Mac felt worse. Not only had he lied to her but, someone else got hurt. " Is she okay?"

Harm nodded. "Sadik made contact and told her to head to a hookah bar near your apartment. When he realized she wasn't you, it turned ugly. Knoxx is alive but, in ICU... She was expendable, you were not." He said casually as if he didn't care about the female agent that he'd practically sentenced to death.

"Expendable?" Mac glared at him. No, this wasn't _her_ Harm, the one that would champion against all wrongs. He would have fought tooth and nail to ensure Knoxx's safety and not been so flippant. "You meant that. … How could you? She's one of _ours."_

Harm shook his head. "No, Mac…She's not a Marine anymore. Once she decided to become an agent, military civility doesn't count. We're expendable, each and every one of us… even your precious Webb."

 _Expendable_. The word made her stomach turn although she knew that was exactly the CIA's position on several of their agents - they were useful until they weren't. She saw too much in Paraguay and how Gunny and Webb were just fed to the wolves. There was no protection, no backup - you fend for yourself and that was it. "You and your boys club don't have a right to pick and choose who lives or dies."

"Like it or not, we do...I don't like how it turned out. I hate that I wasn't there to personally torture and kill the fucking bastard." He wanted to dispense his brand of justice on Sadik, to torture him until near death and then back off and start again. He wanted to break the man and extract every tiny bit of information before killing him slowly. "Sadik died with information that we needed - he had a link to the multiple moles in the agency and now, I have to head back with Keeter and continue searching for answers."

Of course, they had to go back to their lives - she at JAG and he in the CIA. No time spent in the cabin would change that. They had lives - separate ones - and his with a degree of danger that she didn't want to think about. "So you're leaving me again?" Mac hated the way that sounded, with a desperation that she couldn't hide. After being intimate with him, what was the point of denying what she felt. "I thought we'd have more time."

"You knew I would… this couldn't last. We've been on a honeymoon. This place is not real." His tone was harsh, uncaring. Mac could tell that he was slipping back into agent mode - to the man that reacted without feelings. His tone reminded her of that night in Australia when he'd come to her, injured and in need of help. He wasn't her Harm then, it was a man who was trained to survive without emotional attachment. Without another word, he went to the maps he still had strewn on the table and stared at them as if they'd held the answers he was looking for. "I have a job to do and now that I know you're safe, I can get on with it."

"You said that you loved me, that fate would keep us together."

"Pack your things, we need to head back to Washington."

"No." She knew she was losing him and the look in his eyes terrified her. Harm was slipping back into agent mode, into the man that was denying his feelings for her. "When I told you we'd never work out... _this_ is what I was talking about." Mac motioned between them once her words got his attention. "You don't have the right to chose for me. If we're going to be together you can't run right over the top of me. And you can't just shut off your emotions when it's convenient for you. So _no_ I am not going anywhere and neither are you."

Harm continued to stare at her his mind trying to formulate a retort that didn't involve violence. His breathing was rough, labored and he closed his eyes in order to remain in some sort of control. "God damn you, Sarah!" He shoved the maps off the table, sending everything crashing to the floor before he walked to the kitchen and slammed his fist into one of the cabinets over and over again.

"Harm, stop it!" God, what was going on with him? How much of his soul had the agency taken? "Snap to, Commander!" Mac yelled suddenly, hoping to bring him out of whatever dark mental hole he'd climbed into.

Harm resisted the command but, only for a moment. His mind was standing in the middle of a battle - the need to detach himself from her in the name of duty and the want to love Mac. Deep within, he knew he had to follow her command, she was senior officer by two months. He stood at attention for exactly ten seconds as the anger washed away from him, bringing him back to normal. God, what had he done? Who was he becoming? Recognition hit and he felt a deep pang of regret, Mac didn't need this not after everything she'd gone through. Without another word, he grabbed the truck keys and left.


	15. Somewhere

Chapter 15 - Somewhere

"Lost in the darkness

Tried to find your way home

I want to embrace you

And never let you go."

"Somewhere" By Within Temptation

0430 Zulu

Somewhere near Milford, PA

Mac made her way outside expecting to see taillights heading up the driveway. Instead, the old truck was sitting in the yard with Harm sitting behind the wheel, engine running. She took it as a sign and unceremoniously hopped into the passenger's seat. They sat in silence for what seemed like an eternity, for once she didn't bother checking her internal clock. Whatever internal battle was raging within him, Mac thanked her lucky stars that he hadn't driven off.

She was first to speak, "We can't keep running away from each other when things get a little dicey." He didn't reply, merely stared off with his hands tightly gripped on the steering wheel.

"Fate has a way of bringing us back together. We can't ignore that anymore." Wasn't he the one preaching to her about fate keeping them together? Reaching over, she turned the truck off and pulled the key out of the ignition. His hands remained gripped to the wheel and she could see fresh blood seeping out of the cuts on his right hand. Mac pulled that hand off of the steering wheel and studied his knuckles. "I don't think it's broken. If you come inside, I'll patch you up."

Harm wanted to pretend that her touch didn't matter but, when she took his hand his feelings for her came back, breaking through the darkness that he held inside. He couldn't hide the shame he felt at being so out of control or the violence that ensued because of it. Her father had been abusive and the last thing he wanted was to remind her of him. "That wasn't me in there, I'm sorry… I'm not like your father."

"I know and I would never think that of you." Harm was nothing like her father, he would never hurt her that way. "Look, whatever switch you have to turn in order to survive as a field agent, I get it. But, you can't let it define who you are." Mac knew him well enough, the man didn't have violent bone in his body. But, she also knew what it took to be part of the CIA. She'd spoken to Webb about it ad nauseum - the change in attitude in order to complete the mission and return home safely - the feelings he needed to shut off. To Webb, talking about his work was the equivalent of going to the dentist, a normal day in the life.

"Who am I, Mac?" He turned to look at her then and his eyes had begun to lighten, beginning to shatter whatever darkness had taken him over.

Mac smiled softly at him and squeezed his hand ever so gently. "I fell in love with a sailor in a rose garden, that's who you are."

He tilted his head and regarded her for a moment. "Do you love the part of me that made me a pilot?"

She had to chuckle at that, pilots were notorious for being arrogant. "The jet jock or the one that saved a fleet?"

"Both."

"I can't say I enjoy when you're arrogant but, it's part of you. It keeps you safe."

He recalled what she said about Webb and why they hadn't worked out. It had to do much about the spy never being there for her. It would be the same for them. "Then you need to love me as an agent too." He turned his gaze away from her then and stared out the windshield. "It's all I have right now."

His words hurt more than he could imagine. Harm had more than just a job, he had her. "It's not all you have, Harm. You have me." She glanced down at their hands, he'd slipped his fingers through hers, holding on as if she were a lifeline in some personal storm. "Let me help you." She said softly. "I know you can't give me details, I'm fine with that. But, you have to know by now that you can trust me, with anything."

"I trust you with my life."

"Come inside, please." Mac was surprised when he hopped off the truck and headed into the cabin.

Minutes later they sat side by side on the sofa as Mac cleaned up his hand. "I'm not sorry for what I did. It's the only way I knew to keep you safe."

"Yeah well, it was a dumb move not telling me and I am madder than hell." Although her tone was calm and even. She knew that yelling at him could set him off and she wasn't willing to risk him leaving. "You need to have faith in me."

"Would you have come if you knew?"

"I guess you'll never know." Mac placed a bandage over the largest cut after making sure it was slathered in ointment. "Does it feel okay?"

Harm moved his hand, squeezing it shut and opening it again. It wasn't broken but, the cuts stung like hell. He sighed at the thought of being so out of control. He didn't want Mac to be angry with him. "I have to go back to Langley, ASAP. The deal was that once Sadik was in custody, this little adventure would be over." It was easy to live in the moment with her - to love and be loved. He never wanted to go home.

Harm took Mac's hand and tugged her to him. "Thing is, I don't want to go...not yet." He leaned forward, closing the gap between them until his lips met hers.

Harm expected her to push him away, she had every right to after the things he did. Instead, he heard a soft sigh escape from the back of her throat. It was a sound he'd become accustomed to, an involuntary way that her body gave into him. She wrapped her arms around his neck and practically slid into his lap as she deepened the kiss.

"Will you get in trouble if we stay a little longer?" Mac asked between kisses to his lips and jaw. She loved the little bit of stubble that had grown, that five o'clock shadow that she rarely saw on the military man.

He moved them so that Mac was straddling him. "Probably but, honestly what could they do? It's not like they're gonna fire me." Harm scoffed at the thought. Being fired from the agency would be a blessing. He leaned in and kissed her again. Dear God, he would never get tired of kissing her or hearing the soft sounds that she made when his hands touched her bare flesh.

"Please come back to JAG." She wasn't above begging, not if it meant he was home and safe and with her.

"Mac, If I go back to JAG, we'll be separated, eventually….If I stay with the agency, you and I can be together… I can transfer anywhere you go."

He went to kiss her again and Mac pushed him back slightly, enough to look into his eyes. "If you are still alive, you mean?" She hated saying that and the thought of him not coming home hurt more than she could ever imagine. But, it was the truth. "This mission with Keeter, how dangerous is it?"

"Very." Harm couldn't bother lying to her, what would be the point? It would be too easy for her to get information from Webb and when he spent months away, she would know just how risky his job would be. He wanted her, needed her so badly and yet, duty called. "Mac, you need to promise me something."

"Why did the hair stand up in the back of my neck?, just now?"

"When I go back if something happens to me you need to go on with your life. Let me go."

Mac studied him for a moment wondering how such a multitude of emotions could consume him in such a short time. He needed help, she realized and wondered if he'd even bothered consulting the agency shrink. "Why are you talking to me like you're never coming back?"

"Because I have a feeling… Something is wrong, something is missing… I think Keeter and I are going to be way over our heads and the agency has no clue what's going on."

"I'd hopped with Sadik gone this would be over."

"We needed him alive. That didn't happen so now we have to find the answers. I need to get in touch with Webb. He knows something he ain't telling."

Mac thought about his comment and it was true that in the evenings when the spy had invited her over for dinner, several covert conversations had occurred. He always claimed it was work, classified instructions that he could not divulge. For a man who was convolessing, he had been entirely too busy. He was hiding something from her back then and Mac figured it was better not to know. Now, with Harm's comment, she was curious and angry. He'd single handedly put a wrench in her relationship with Harm all because of some obscene mission that went completely haywire. Now he was doing it again. Damn Webb.

Harm stood up and brought her with him. He headed to the kitchen and the key holder where the boat's keys dangled. "Let's get out of here… I've been wanting to take the boat on the lake, you've kept me occupied."

"Throwing chaff again?" She regarded him for a moment. Harm was wired and jumpy.

"No, it would do us some good, help me clear my head." He was heading towards the door grabbing his and her jackets.

"You're not afraid I am suddenly going to toss you off the boat and try to drown you?" She said a little too sweetly and raised her brow.

Her comments had him stopping dead in his tracks and turning around to face her with a deer-in-the-headlights look. Never piss off a Marine. "Just how pissed off at me are you?"

"Seething… I'm just hiding it well." Mac wanted to get back at him somehow. But then, what was the point? They'd spent too long fighting the chemistry between them. Now that they were together, she was determined to keep it that way. She could have a little fun at his expense.

Harm snorted at her comment knowing she was going to let him have it at some point. "I'll be sure to keep you away from the gaff."

Mac chuckled as she followed him out. "Hadn't thought about the gaff. Just how sharp is it anyway?"

The boat cruised around the lake with Harm concentrating on navigating a body of water he was not familiar with. It had been years since he'd taken a boat out. He enjoyed being at the controls, speeding the vehicle through the calm waters. The lake was never busy at night and he brought it to a stop just when the moon was rising over the treetops, it's reflection shining on the water. He glanced up and took a breath.

He needed this. He needed to get away from the CIA, Washington, Bolivia and all the craziness that had been his life for the last year. Harm took a deep breath of the fresh air and felt the last vestiges of darkness disappear. "Beautiful isn't it?"

He turned to Mac who was seated next to him to find her glancing down at her hands. She seemed a million miles away, lost in thought. "Penny for your thoughts, Colonel?"

"It'll cost you more than that… Is this clearing your head? It's making mine churn a zillion times more than it was." She glanced at him and Harm realized how beautiful she looked in the moonlight. He leaned in and kissed her but, she didn't kiss him back.

Instead she walked carefully around the center counsel and sat on the cushions at the bow. She stared up at the moon and felt an emptiness inside that had crept up as Harm had driven the boat further into the lake.

Sadik Fahd was dead.

Her tormentor, the man that tried to kill her was gone - for good.

"Sadik is dead." It fully registered and it wasn't relief that she was feeling. "I feel like a part of me is missing now." She said quietly, disgusted with the notion that she could miss the terrorist. "I feel like I should mourn his death." But, it wasn't his death she was mourning, it was the adrenaline from knowing that, at any moment, she could get captured. It had become a part of her routine that had been unceremoniously extinguished. The pistol that she grown accustomed to carrying on her felt heavy - a burden. "What kind of a sick person am I?"

"I know the feeling, Mac. I've been hunting him for so long… I am pissed I didn't get the chance to end his life myself."

"Don't make this about you...It's not the same. I was out there hearing Clay's screams. Watching as he shot two innocents. I was the one tied to a table knowing I would pray for death." She was the one barely sleeping, concerned about every noise she heard in her apartment and the shadows that forced her to sleep with the lights on.

Mac had become hyper aware of her surroundings even down to the low hum of her refrigerator. She practiced drawing her firearm from her purse quickly, ready to defend herself. Part of her couldn't believe that her tormentor was really gone. "I wanted to be the one to kill him for everything that he took away from me."

"I'm sorry I didn't give you the chance."

"No, you're not."

It was the gaze that she leveled him with that had him agreeing. "You're right, I'm not sorry." He said with a sheepish grin before walking around the center console and settling next to Mac. Unsure what to say, he merely gathered her in his arms and held her close. "What can I do?"

"You're doing it." Mac said on a sigh as her head rested on his shoulder. Moments ago she wanted to cry, scream and run herself into exhaustion. Somehow, being in his arms calmed her. Opening her eyes she saw it then, the brilliance of the moon casting its glow over the calm lake. "This is beautiful."

"Yes. Beautiful." Only he wasn't looking at the moon, he was looking at her.


	16. A Demons Fate

**16 - A Demon's Fate**  
From the ashes and hate

It's a cruel demon's fate

On the wings of darkness

He's returned to stay

There will be no escape

'Cause he's fallen far from grace

Within Temptation "A Demons Fate"

2350 Zulu  
CIA Headquarters  
Langley, Virginia

Derrick Broucher sat in one of the two chairs in front of Deputy Director Kershaw's desk while the other man thumbed through the debrief of Sadik's death. The agency had been quick to write their report and even quicker in getting it to Kershaw who shook his head as he went over the finer details. "You're an instructor at the Farm, Derrick. How exactly did you make it onto the task force?"

Broucher tried not to smile - manipulating orders was often easy - just plug the right parameters into a computer and voila. "Clayton is the closest thing I have as a brother. Our families have been friends for years. Our fathers were stationed together. Our mother's play Bridge every other weekend. I couldn't let that son-of-a-bitch Sadik get away after what he did to him."

"I understand loyalty, Derrick but, the mission was to bring him in alive, _at all costs._ _Alive_ , not in a body bag." Kershaw tried to remain calm although his voice wavered slightly. All of his plans had been shattered by a bullet. Any hopes of discovering what Sadik's cell was up to disappeared.

"I'm not happy he got killed. He should have been tortured a million times over for what he did. I know there was a lot of information we could have gotten from Fahd, but I also know that we have a lot of good men on the ground that are going to stop at nothing…"

"Good men that are _not_ coming home anytime soon, Derrick. You screwed up."

"I shot him once, I was going to apprehend him when Fahd raised his hand and pointed a gun at a civilian. I did what I had to do and I don't regret what I did, sir." He lied and made it sound so damned believable. It was getting too easy to lie to the agency.

"You're not going to get a pat on the back or skate through this one. Sadik's information was vital. You're being suspended, without pay until I can figure out what the hell went wrong. Hand me your badge and your gun."

At that, Broucher stood up swiftly knocking over the chair he was sitting in. "Now wait a goddamn minute. I am a good agent and your top instructor at the Farm. You can't just suspend me!"

"Would you like me to call security and kick your ass out of my building?" Kershaw stood up as well, leveling the agent with a look that could kill. It wasn't long after until requested items were placed on his desk and the former agent left, in a huff.

Webb had been standing in the hallway, waiting for Broucher. "Went well?"

"Yep, like you said, I'd be suspended for killing Sadik." Unlike several minutes earlier, Derrik didn't seem upset about it. No, this had been part of the plan. "Kershaw is getting weak, he used to be able to read right through any agents bullshit. He doesn't realize he just gave me carte blanche to do whatever the fuck I want."

"Let's finish this conversation in my office." Clay dismissed his secretary and then punched some numbers into a small keypad that ejected from a hidden drawer in his desk. "This turns off any surveillance in my office."

Broucher glanced at the keypad and smirked, "I needed one of those back at the Farm… So what's the plan?"

"I'm working on something stateside, right here in Washington...I intercepted some crypto coming from the Chaco…Sadik's head of security, Asad Bashar is looking for someone - the woman that Sadik was after." Webb pulled out a picture from his jacket pocket and handed it to Broucher.

"Colonel MacKenzie? The hell does he want with her?" Staring at the image he found a picture of Mac wearing an abaya. Only the picture wasn't real and clearly altered. "What is this?"

Webb grabbed the picture and shoved it back into his breast pocket. "That's what I'm trying to find out… Asad says he would only deal with me if I bring MacKenzie along and she and Rabb have gone _completely_ off grid."

"No one in the agency can go completely off-grid give me a break."

"They have… the only thing I know is where his plane is at… I had some our men looking for them to no avail. They're not with friends they're not with family… neither of them have used a credit card. They have to be in the States but where?"

Broucher smiled widely, their solution was an easy one. "Sadik is dead, once Rabb finds out there will be no more reason for them to hide. They'll return and you can grab the Colonel, take her on another little adventure."

Webb scoffed at the idea. "Neither Rabb or Chegwidden are going to let her take off with me on another assignment. SECNAV has her off limits and even if she did come, Rabb would follow."

"So we take Rabb out of the equation."

Webb thought about Broucher's suggestion. Killing Harm could work but, it would also bring a ton of heat that they weren't prepared to handle. "I have an idea…"

Five Days Later

0100 Zulu

Mac's Apartment

Georgetown

Travel back to Washington had been relatively cheerful. Harm and Mac had taken a silent oath to not talk about his job or the fact that he was expected at Langley early the next morning. On the drive out of Milford, Harm had contacted Keeter via satellite phone only to be informed that Simon Tanveer, the MI6 agent that was assisting had gone missing.

He was also notified that a cache of plutonium was found inside an abandoned silo on a farm sitting deep in the Chaco. They had wrangled up the farmer who had given up information on the potential location of a warhead and an impending search that would commence upon Harm's arrival.

The last few days at the cabin were spent in peace after Mac had taken her revenge in the form of making him sleep in the other room for one night. The next day he'd taken her for a hike to a waterfall where they'd stop for lunch.

They talked about everything and nothing, both of them steering away from any conversation that was too serious. Harm made love to Mac slowly on their final evening at the cabin. He wanted to savor everything - each touch, the feel of her skin beneath his, the taste of her her on his lips - and record it to memory. As he was falling asleep, he felt something wet drip on his chest and realized that Mac was crying as she lay on top of him.

She'd been quiet, trying to hide the overwhelming emotions that consumed her. It wasn't goodbye, not yet. But, the way that Harm had set the pace -agonizingly slow and tender - she knew that it was a farewell of sorts. Mac couldn't help the tears that fell when she thought he was asleep. She prayed to God he would come home to her safe and sound.

They sat in silence when Harm's vehicle came to a stop outside of Mac's apartment. He reached over and took her hand, threading his fingers through hers. "Guess this is goodbye for a little while."

"Come up." It was a demand and when she leaned and kissed him, Harm knew he couldn't object. Her lips met his in a passionate, feverish kiss that left no room to interpret what she needed from him. He would spend a few hours in her arms before leaving for an undetermined time. "Come up. That wasn't a request." She told him in a sultry voice before hopping out of his SUV. Last night wouldn't be enough. Mac too needed to spend another night in his arms committing to memory every single inch of him.

She wasn't ready to say goodbye.

Harm should have gone home and tried to get a good sleep. He knew his night would be filled with insomnia and thoughts of her. Instead, he followed Mac into the building like a sailor being seduced by her Siren song.

Once inside they could barely keep their hands of each other. Mac had him pinned to the back wall of the elevator as it slowly ascended to the second floor. Had it always taken so long to ride up the two floors to her apartment? She wondered as his mouth sought a spot on her neck that made her moan involuntarily.

The ding of the elevator forced them to separate but, just barely and when they came to stop at the door of her apartment, Harm pressed into her from behind. His hands began roving up and down her jean clad legs, his mouth finding that damned spot on her neck again.

Mac fumbled with her purse, dropping it twice as she tried to find the keys that were playing hide and seek. She could feel the heat pooling between her legs as his hands had moved up and forward, caressing her breasts in time with the movement of his lips on her neck. "If you don't stop that we're going to end up doing it out here in the hall." She could feel his hardness press against her.

"Okay." Harm said, not really listening. One of his hands slid under her shirt, fingers moving over the soft skin of her abdomen and downward slipping under her jeans. His fingers found her curls and Harm had to use his other hand to hold Mac upright when her legs nearly gave out. She leaned heavily against him as his fingers began to move on her most sensitive spot until realization clicked in that they were standing in her hallway.

Mac stilled his hand and tried to sound authoritarian when she said, "Red light, Commander." The words came out on a breathless sigh and she was surprised when he slipped his hand out of her jeans and stepped away. "What happened to my officer and a gentleman?"

"He got captured by a Marine. Devil Dogs are relentless" Bending down he picked up her purse and the keys that had fallen out of it. "Allow me, ma'am." Harm unlocked the door and held it open for her. Once they were inside, Mac threw herself at him. Her lips roughly taking his own as her hands fumbled with the button of his jeans, trying to release him.

Jackets were discarded and Harm had managed to yank her t-shirt off as well. "Sofa." They said in unison as the bedroom seemed so far away. Dropping onto her sofa with him, Macs legs wrapped around Harm's hips as he ground into her though the fabric of their jeans.

Reaching between them, she cupped Harm's growing erection eliciting an animalistic groan that she found so erotic. Mac needed him now, fast and hard - they could take it easy afterwards. She'd never felt like this for any other man and was sure she never would again. "Get these jeans off of me, Commander."

"Aye aye, ma'am." He did as told, obediently removing them before settling between her thighs again. Mac wrapped her arms around him and kissed him passionately, rising up when he tried to unclasp her bra. "I can't get enough of…"

"Harm!" Mac yelled out as a shadow crept up behind from behind him. It was too late to mount a defense as a crushing blow to the base of his skull sent a shock wave of pain through Harm's head. His body crumbled forward, pining Mac under him.

Seconds later, Mac felt something sharp, a prick on the upper part of her arm before the darkness took her into oblivion.


	17. Mad World

Chapter 17 - Mad World

We wanna scream our pain

And break away from the dark

Caught in this wicked game

We know that nothing stays the same

'Cause we're living in a mad world

We're living in a mad world

"Mad World" by Within Temptation.

1130 Zulu

Undisclosed Location

Mac awoke to find her hands handcuffed and attached to a long, thick chain that disappeared under the sofa she was laying on. Her eyes scanned the room decorated in fine furniture with dark natural woods. The artwork on the walls as well as the tapestries made her realize she was in a mansion of sorts. This had to be a dream or nightmare but, when she tried to sit up a unbearable headache forced her to lay back down.

She tried to wrestle with the cuffs, attempting to slip her hands out of them but, it was no use. This was real and she was being held somewhere lavish. But why? And where the hell was Harm?

Oh God. Harm. The memories came flashing back almost as if in slow motion. They'd been on her sofa kissing; about to make love when a shadow crept up behind them. She tried to warn Harm but it was too late. In the darkness of her apartment she couldn't see who it was. It was only when Harm's body collapsed on top of hers that she realized he'd been hurt, or worse… killed.

"Harm?" Mac called out for him, eyes open and searching the large living room in hopes that he was there with her. "Harm, please."

After the assailant had hit Harm, she'd felt something prick her bicep, a drug so strong it incapacitated her almost instantly. Be it a good constitution or her adrenaline working overtime, the concoction had not worked long enough. She was able to put up some sort of fight nearly destroying her living room until she was able to get the gun hidden behind her TV armoire. She'd shot at him but, between darkness and the drug still pumping in her veins, Mac's shooting abilities faltered. Her hands were too shaky and her eyes could not focus. Mac knew that she'd missed when the invader barreled into her at full speed and pinned her to the floor before injecting her again, this time leaving its desired effect.

She sat up again and immediately her head swam, threatening to drown her in darkness.

Her senses weren't fully functioning, each one trying to come alive but failing miserably. Mac found that it was just easier to lay back and keep her eyes closed. This made her hearing clear up and the fuzzy voices in her ears became clearer and familiar. She knew the voice that was speaking but, found it odd that it was saying things in Farsi - a language that voice claimed not to speak. Maybe it was the drugs playing tricks on her?

Slowly, she sat up and opened her eyes fixing them on the tapestry across from her. She focused on the figures willing the haze away. The voice spoke again, this time in English but, she couldn't hear Harm. Where was Harm? Why wasn't he speaking? She felt her chest tighten and a fear that something serious had happened to him rattled her thoughts.

"Hello?" Mac dared to speak out louder and through her fuzzy vision found a familiar face coming towards her. "Clay, oh, thank God! Ger me out of these cuffs." She'd never been so happy to see the spook other than a time in Paraguay when she thought he was dead. "Clay, where am I? Where's Harm?"

"It's always about Rabb, isn't it?" Clayton Webb said with a tone dripping with hatred and contempt. She'd only heard him speak that way about the terrorists he was seeking.

Mac could never expect what came next, the slap with the back of Webb's hand that struck her so hard it knocked her onto the floor. The brutal hit nearly knocked her out and Mac could taste the blood which pooled in her mouth. She spit it out and got kicked in the gut for her efforts. Curling into fetal position, Mac held her midsection, sure that he'd bruised a rib and hoping that he wouldn't hurt her again.

"God damnit, mother will be upset when she realized you spit blood over a thousand year old Persian rug." Unceremoniously, he pulled out a handkerchief from his back pocket and threw it at her. "Wipe your mouth."

This was a nightmare, it had to be. Why else would Webb treat her so cruel? She closed her eyes tightly and counted backwards, willing herself to wake up safe and sound back at the cabin in the arms of the man she loved. She tried once, twice, three times until a floodgate of tears ran from her eyes. "This is real."

"Yes, very much." Webb was kneeling in front of her holding a pistol in his left hand as he raised her up and plopped her back onto the sofa. "I didn't expect things to turn out this way with you."

"Where's Harm?" He had to be there, she would know if he was...God, Mac couldn't even think of the possibility that he was dead.

Webb regarded her for a moment before slipping into a chair across the room. He placed the gun on a small table and took a bottle of Flor de Cana, pouring some of its contents into a small glass. "Does it matter?"

"Where the hell is Harm?" Mac insisted, yelling at the spy despite the pain that it caused her.

"Rabb is dead, Sarah." He said without preamble and then downed his drink before refilling the glass. "Blunt force trauma. Seems he wasn't as hard headed as everyone thought."

Her head was aching, spinning as Mac tried to remember what had happened in her apartment. Her fight with the assailant was prevalent and then her memories turned to the man lying on her floor turning her carpet blood red. "No… He can't be. I would know it if…"

An anger that Mac had never felt before went through her and somehow, she mustered a way to stand and lunge at Webb. It was no use as he was well out of her way and the chain stopped any forward progress. "God, no…NO! " She collapsed to the floor, emotions unable to stop the tears which fell freely from her eyes. It had taken them so damned long to figure things out; so many missed opportunities and pain. They were together now… they loved each other…

Fate could keep us together forever. Only fate was nothing more than cruel to them - it always had been and Mac had been stupid to believe that they could have a future together. "Why?"

Webb stood up and loomed over her watching the woman he was infatuated with broken over the love of another man. He had hopes once that they would be together and she would join his endeavour. Damned Rabb always came between his plans, always but, he wouldn't anymore. "You're a Marine, Sarah...You aren't supposed to act this way." He grabbed the bottle of cana and poured it over her some of it dripping into her mouth which Mac spit out. "Drink it. I know from experience that it helps numb the pain."

Mac came up to her knees and managed to crawl away from him, back leaning against the sofa as she sat on the floor. She felt so vulnerable in front of him almost as if she were back in Paraguay with no chance at rescue. She took a breath and then another, willing the tears to stop so that she could concentrate on finding him. She'd always had a connection with Harm and something told her that he wasn't dead, he couldn't be.

Closing her eyes, she tried yet again to will away the fogginess in her mind. He wasn't dead, he couldn't be… she would know. But, she couldn't find him and in anger, she slammed her fist into the wooden floor beneath her. "He's not dead… I would know if he was." Wouldn't she?

Grabbing the chains that bound her, Mac stared at the thick links realizing she wasn't going anywhere. "Why are you doing this, Webb?"

"I think you know why. Knowing Rabb like I do, he likely spilled all of the ins and outs of the CIA."

"You're the mole?" Bits and pieces of her conversation with Harm about the rogue CIA agents began to fall into place. Only it didn't make sense, not when it came down to Clayton Webb. He loved the CIA and defending his country, he'd done so on countless occasions. He'd even been tortured to protect sensitive information. "You can't be. I've known you for years. We've worked missions together. You helped Harm find his brother. You… you were tortured to protect me. Sadik tortured you."

"Sadik was an associate that helped me get what I needed from Raul Garcia." He pointed out and returned to his seat across from her.

"An associate who tortures his business partners?" None of this seemed to make sense to Mac and the conversation only increased the pressure in her head.

Webb leaned forward, sadistic smile spreading across his lips. This wasn't the man that she had dated and it certainly wasn't the same one that had protected her. "I was never tortured."

"I saw the marks… I had your blood in my hands."

"I had Sadik's men rough me up a little, make it look good. See the only way this makes any sense is if some blood was shed. The agency would never think that a man who survives that kind of torture would be a double agent."

Mac thought back to the room where she was taken and how her hands and legs were tied. She still remembered the zing of steel wool as it was electrified by a car battery. If Harm hadn't… God, she didn't want to consider the possibility. "You were going to let them torture me, weren't you?"

"Garcia didn't trust anyone and it was easier to pretend to be Mr. Williams if he came with a doting, pregnant wife… You were expendable once I got what I needed." He said with a shrug.

"You don't mean that… we spent time together… You said you cared for me." She even considered physical intimacy with him - a man she thought was good and loyal and deserving of someone better than her.

Webb smiled genuinely at her and his gaze softened, the hatred he'd been taught to live abated for the moment. "I've been interested in you since we first met. I've been studying you for years, followed you on countless assignments. I tried, time and time again to get the SECNAV to approve using you. When Rabb was arrested, I saw the chance and took it."

"Your infatuation nearly got me killed."

"It's not an infatuation. I could give a damn if you're attracted to me or not, although that was a bonus for a time. And this isn't about Rabb either, I couldn't care who you fuck, Sarah… This is work and a cause I've been a part of for years. Only you and Rabb had to get in the way."

"What do you want from me?"

"Once he found out you were a Marine, Sadik wanted you. He told his lieutenant he was coming for you and only you. Sadik wasn't here to kill you, he came to recruit you."

"I don't understand…"

"He was infatuated with you and believed that, with time, he would either torture or brainwash you to comply with his grand scheme… See he realized that he needed good Muslim women to destroy the infidels. Women who would follow a strong, female leader."

Mac shook her head. "That's impossible."

"Sadik wasn't as orthodox as he was made out to be. He had modern ideas for a modern jihad that made it easier for his people to blend in. A woman would go unnoticed much more than a man ever would."

"If he was your associate, why was he killed?"

"I had him killed because he knew too much about my operation. As much as he believed to be a pro at torture, Sadik was weak. He wouldn't survive a day receiving the same treatment, he'd squeal like a pig. I can't afford that."

"Tell me, why did you help us out at all? You helped Harm find Sergei, his father… You helped us with the Angel Shark investigation."

"Part of why we've been so successful at integrating ourselves into the agency has to do with the relationships we've built. I needed you and Rabb to think of me as a friend. I needed the Admiral and the SECNAV to trust me and they do."

Mac's head was aching with the information she'd been given. Webb had helped them out in countless occasions, even risking his career to help them seek the truth. He couldn't be a double agent. This was not the man she was dating several months earlier who'd been kind, giving and patient. That man wouldn't hurt her. "What made you turn?"

"Turn? I was never turned. I was raised to be what I am, Sarah."

"What are you exactly? Who do you work for?"

"In the 70s, my father was a field agent during the second cold war. He was there when we armed the Mujahideen to fight the Soviets. He befriended one of their leaders only to find that it was all a hoax - people were being killed for nothing. The cold war never existed it was created by some in our government as a way to produce more armament without rules or repercussions. If there was a threat of nuclear war, we had to protect ourselves."

"My father was disgusted so he and a few other agents decided to switch alliances. They would no longer serve a country that didn't give a damn about them and were killed for their efforts."

Webb then told her his secret of the clandestine group that had been operating under the agency for decades. They used agency resources to recruit soldiers and collect all types of armament. Often, in order to generate funds to continue their endeavour, Webb and others would sell weapons seized in CIA busts. It was easy to take an item or two when the cache was large.

The weapons would be sold to whoever offered the higher bid. Money would be placed in a Swiss bank account under a fictitious company name. Some items were stored in different parts of the World, ready, if needed, to fight a war. The group was not big with nearly one hundred highly trained agents operating in different sectors of the agency. The common goal was to destroy the US one piece at a time.

"What the hell do you want from me?"

"I need you to play my wife again. We're going back to finish what we started and I can't go in alone, Sadik's men believed he would only return with you. You're my ticket to acquiring a cache of plutonium and a nuke that's somewhere in the Chaco."

Mac stared at him, his whole story maintaining that ache in her head. "I won't do a damned thing for you, Webb… So you can point that gun at me and shoot." She was serious and definitely stood up, holding her arms akimbo. "Point and shoot… Do it."

"What if I told you that your cooperation would secure Rabb's life?"

The mention of Harm's name made her breathing stop. Her arms czme down to her sides. "What? I thought you said he was dead."

"He's alive….Do as I say and it'll stay that way. Don't and I'll make sure he never comes out that coma."

Coma? The word gripped her heart and she found it hard to breathe. If Harm really was in a coma, he was vulnerable to an attack. She couldn't protect him, couldn't even get word out to their friends to make sure he was alright. "I don't believe you."

With a huff, Webb took out a PDA from his breast pocket and punched a few buttons. A video crackled to life from a pin camera that was smuggled into a hospital room. There laying on a bed with his head bandaged was one Harmon Rabb Jr. "Proof enough for you?"


	18. In Vain

GRRRR! Stupid formatting! Okay, here we go... AGAIN...

Chapter 18 - In Vain

"See the world through a tear, keep on breathing  
Salt has dried, you're not here  
Just a heartbeat away, the demons walk in  
Now I know it's too late  
A priceless glory  
Memento mori  
All for nothing now  
I know  
Within Temptation: "In Vain"

1310 Zulu

Georgetown University Hospital

Washington, DC

"Have they said anything about the Commander's condition, sir?" Admiral AJ Chegwidden turned when Bud Roberts and Sturgis Turner stepped into the small hospital room that was guarded by two agents. It had been several hours since he got the call from CIA director Kershaw that one of his own had been found bludgeoned and unconscious. He was given Mac's address and sped through the streets until he arrived to find Harm being taken away in an ambulance.

Mac's living room had been destroyed, the coffee table broken in two pieces, two lamps lay haphazardly on the floor and in the middle of it all was a small pool of blood, Harm's - AJ deduced and felt a sickening feeling at the pit of his stomach. There were bullet holes through some of her walls and her service weapon lay in the middle of the living room where the CIA was gathering evidence. They had asked DC police to stay away.

After Sadik had been killed, AJ had been offered assurances that it was over and Mac, at least, would be safe. Harm was another matter altogether. The man had an open assignment and a need for him to return to his post but, would be released back to the Navy once his mission was completed. The SECNAV had agreed that Harm had learned his lesson and it would be shameful to treat an American hero in such a way.

"Coma, Bud. Harm's in an induced coma to relieve the swelling of the brain. Severe blunt force trauma to the head. He's lucky to be alive." He stared at the former Naval officer laying on the bed with a bandage of gauze wrapped around his head with some sort of netting that kept it in place. There were a series of machines connected to Harm one in particular that held the same beat of his heart - slow but unwavering. The normally tall man seemed abnormally small and fragile in his condition, wearing a hospital gown and with blankets pulled half way up his torso, his left arm connected intravenously to fluids to keep him hydrated. "The doctor said that his lungs were fine and he didn't need a breathing tube."

"That's something." Sturgis chimed in, stepping closer to one of his oldest friends. Glancing around, he realized something - rather, someone, was missing. "Where is Mac?" She would be at his side in an instant if she knew something was wrong.

"With Webb." According to Webb's assistant, the agency had been watching Mac's apartment and once the shots from her gun alerted them to the intruder, they had nabbed the assailant and took Mac into hiding again. It was all need-to-know but, Webb's assistant had stated that the agency was now following up on various leads and a retaliation for Sadik's death was imminent. It was best if Mac was kept in hiding.

"This has CIA written all over it doesn't it sir?" Bud asked with a frown when AJ nodded his affirmation. "Every time Mr. Webb gets involved, the Commander and the Colonel seem to be his scapegoats, they come back with more bumps and bruises."

"This is my fault for not putting my foot down." AJ said candidly, something that was odd of the normally gruff and sure commanding officer. "Mac should have never left to Paraguay with Webb. And Harm…" He trailed off for a moment, recalling the conversation he had with his senior officer several months earlier.

"I am equally fed up with this man's lack of dependability. You know, Rabb, you're not a team player. You never consider the big picture, and you are completely controlled by your emotions." Parts of AJ's assessment had been spot on, Harm was almost always controlled by his emotions - it was part of what made him such a damned good lawyer. What Harm didn't know was AJ had failed to process his resignation until he was ordered to. He had hoped that keeping Harm out of headquarters for a few days would teach the man a lesson. He would have never dreamed that it would end up like this. "I should have fought to keep him at JAG. He did the one thing we are all taught to do - never leave a man behind - and we punished him for that. I'll never live that down."

He should have fought harder, gone higher up the chain of command, to the damned President if needed. In the past he would have damned his career if it meant not letting a good man down. Years in command had started to cloud his judgement and AJ was disgusted that he was now playing in the same bureaucratic arena as everyone else in Washington. He'd become weak, complacent and no longer the tough but, fair, commanding officer which lead by a SEAL's example. "Maybe it's time I consider retirement?" He said aloud, cringing at how easy it was to admit that simple fact.

Sturgis shook his head. "I don't think that would be wise, Admiral."

"Probably not." AJ agreed. "I am going to head over to Langley and personally speak to Director Kershaw… I want to know what the hell is going on and exactly where the hell Mac is." His tone was strong, rough sounding much like his old self. Even if it cost him everything, AJ would see to it that his people were taken care of.

"Do you think the Colonel is safe, sir?" Bud asked, his concern for his friends evident in the looks he gave his commanding officer. Harm and Mac were family to him, at one point the only real family that he had - the ones that protected and guided him. The ones that shirked orders to be by his side when he nearly died.

"For now, I believe so. I'm just not sure she'll stay that way." He pointed out and then motioned for the two officers to follow him. "Commander Turner, you'll be acting JAG until I arrive. Bud, keep in contact with the hospital. I want to be apprised of any changes in Harm's condition."

"Aye sir." They said in unison.

1502 Zulu

Undisclosed Location

Strong arms were wrapped around her, holding tightly as warm kisses were pressed to the crown of her head. She heard his voice, Harm's voice speaking in soft tones his voice so low she couldn't hear him. "What? I can't hear you." Mac tried to move, attempting to shift in his arms so she could raise herself up and gaze into those expressive eyes of his. She wanted to touch his face, run her fingers over his fine features before kissing him softly.

But, he wouldn't let her go, arms fiercely wrapped around her painfully so. He kept speaking and his hushed voice took on a frantic tone. "Harm, what's wrong?"

She tried again to move but, it was no use, his arms tightened even more, threatening to crush every last breath out of her. "Harm…" Mac begged, her struggles ceasing as she felt lightheaded. It was when she stopped resisting that he finally let her go and she pushed away from him, staring at his face, wondering what was going on.

"Find me." Harm spoke to her almost in a whisper so inaudible, she had to strain to hear him. "Wake.. me." His last words were loud, so much that it had her sitting up and glancing around to find she was still at the mansion and still cuffed.

Mac could still feel his arms around her, there was a sensation of warmth where his hands had been. Her head tingles in the spot where he had kissed her. It was much too real to be a dream. Sighing, she shifted into a sitting position and stared down at her bindings, wondering if there was any way out of the stupid handcuffs. She tried bending her fingers in awkward positions, causing pain as she tried to slip them out. It was no use. "Damnit." On a huff, she pulled at the chain, hoping she could find a link that was old and easy to work on, easy to break free.

That's when she saw Webb walk in wearing that stupid three piece suit he liked to sport. He came around the sofa stopping so that his groin was in line with her face. He stared down at her, noticing the chain which she held in her hands, a reminder that she was his captive. "Taking you would be too easy." He declared and blushed at a recurring fantasy that he longed to indulge in with her.

Mac stared up at him. "You gonna add rape to your list of sins, Webb?" She said, raising a brow in challenge. She noticed his pants tenting at her suggestion and kept her eyes on his despite the want to turn away.

Webb kept his own eyes on her, always wondering what her mouth would feel on his… No, she wasn't his, would never be and going down the road of a fantasy realm would only distract him from his objective. "No, if you sleep with me I want you to do it out of your own accord not because I forced you." He may be many things but, a rapist he was not and would never be. The idea sickened him. "Although, I had many fantasies of you."

Staring at him now, Mac felt cheap and dirty at even dating him for several months. Part of her hoped to fall in love and mend her broken heart, the other part of her was using him to get to Harm. She was thankful that they never slept together.

"What the hell happened? You were kind to me, cared for me… I.. I thought you loved me?" Speaking the truth, she wondered how Webb could hide his true self so well. Then again, it was the CIA's modus operandi - to become someone you were not for the sake of the mission. He played her and played her well, pretending to be the doting boyfriend who held her when she cried. The boyfriend who spent an obscene amount of cash to take her on a lavish cruise in Germany. The man that was willing to wait until the time was right. "Was everything between us a lie?"

Despite himself, there was something about Mac that always attracted him and had from the moment they first met. She was beautiful, strong and such a perfect match for him. It touched him the way she cared during his faked rehabilitation and the hours that she spent by his side. He wanted to love her and hope that she would rescue whatever darkness consumed him. "I guess part of me wanted a relationship with you." He softened, reached out and touched her face. His fingers grazed over her delicate features and gently wiped the lip he'd broken when he slapped her earlier. "You're special, Sarah… I'm glad Sadik never killed you."

She saw him soften and turn back to the man she could have fallen in love with. Mac leaned into his caress, hoping that some shred of a good man was inside of him. His eyes had softened, as his fingers traced her facial features so gently. Nevertheless, if he could fake emotions towards her, she would do the same to him in hopes that he would release her chains. If she got free and to a phone she could contact someone and make sure Harm was safe.

"I still have feelings for you." Mac lied, knowing that any shred of emotion she could have had for him died the day he hurt Harm. "I remember how you used to kiss me."

She took a breath and swallowed hard, willing the bile that had crept up in her throat to stay down. "Often times I wonder what it's like to make love to you." Mac leaned into him slowly, her handcuffed hands coming to caress the sides of his face. "What your hands would feel like on my bare skin." Webb wasn't immune to her charm, she could tell by the way his eyes darkened and began to burn lustfully. It was a look that she had grown accustomed to in the many months that they dated.

Often enough, when kisses went a bit too far and the temptation to be with him intimately bubbled to the surface, his eyes would darken just that way. He was always the gentleman, pulling away when she told him she was not ready. For her it was just never the right time and Mac could never bring herself to sleep with Webb - he wasn't the man she loved - he wasn't Harm. "I wanted you, for so long." She said softly, seductively and then leaned in and kissed him.

But, he wasn't Harm.

Webb's kisses were wet and sloppy; Harm's were sweet and sensual. Webb's tongue slipped past her lips roughly; Harm would always lick the seam of her lips, asking for permission that was freely granted.

When Webb's tongue was in her mouth, she couldn't respond in the way she kissed Harm. Their tongues would mesh, dance and it always felt like their lips were making love. She thought about him again and any hopes of seducing Webb we're slowly starting to shatter. She couldn't do this she couldn't be with any man other than Harm unless it was forced.

Mac barely noticed she was crying, but Webb did as her lips were tainted by the saltiness of her tears. Still, he kissed her with fervor, recalling every touch and taste that she'd allowed him to indulge in. It was never enough and despite his charade, he wanted her. Now she seemed willing and wanton, he would take her as he pleased.

So he allowed himself to kiss and be kissed but, as he snaked his arms around her in an effort to pull Mac closer he sensed her hesitation. There was always a hesitation on her part and something he could never circumvent. "Suddenly you want me?" He spat out angrily, his mouth hovering over her own as he broke their kiss. "I'm not an idiot, Sarah. You're with Rabb and that's all you ever wanted."

Mac cursed herself for not being able to trick him. Her body resisted his touches and the now unfamiliar hands that had once caressed her skin. Webb wasn't the man she loved - he wasn't Harm who had branded her skin and taken possession of her. "Harm and I, it's just sex." She said, knowing that she couldn't mask the lie in her voice. "You can't have a relationship with someone who tries to run right over you… The sexual tension is gone, it's over."

"Really? Back at your apartment, it didn't look like it was over."

"We were saying goodbye." She said on a sigh, realizing how true that may have been. Mac couldn't help the heaviness in her heart and knew that her attempt to seduce Webb and escape was slipping through her fingers. A dampness was slipping out of her eyes and down her cheeks, errant tears that kept falling though she couldn't remember when she began to cry.

"Glad you had the chance. Some others don't." Webb brought his hands to her face, wiping her tears away and for his tenderness he saw her flinch and shudder. He saw through her lies and the way that an attraction had manipulated him. He saw his weakness and his jaw grew tense at how stupid he could have been.

"You're so interested in me you that cry for another man and flinch at my touch?" Disgusted with himself, he stood up and swung at her, the back of his hand coming in contact with the same side he'd struck earlier. The hit wasn't as forceful but it was enough to mar her skin again.

Mac swallowed the blood that had yet again pooled inside her mouth. Her body was now laying against the sofa, bracing itself for another onslaught that never came. She could feel him looming over her, inches away from likely taking what he wanted. Briefly, she thought of Harm and how he'd feel knowing that she'd allowed Webb to defile her in order to save his life. He would never forgive himself and she would have to deal with those consequences. "Do whatever you want to me, just stay away from him."

"I am not that sick, Sarah." He went around the sofa, heading off into the home and returning several minutes later with a folding table and a laptop. Webb kept away from her, unsure that he would stop her if she tried her little seduction on him again. "I need you to agree to help me out. I need to get that nuke out of the Chaco and soon. I'm running out of time."

"I'm not doing a damned thing until I know Harm is safe."

"He is safe. How much depends on you." He punched a few keys on the laptop and placed it on the small table for her to see. On the larger screen she could clearly see Harm still laying on the hospital bed. There was another person in the room with him, a man in a Doctor's smock that placed a briefcase on his bed and began fiddling with its contents.

Webb dialed a number on his cellphone and the doctor on the screen answered the call. "We can see you. Show it to her."

"Who's that?" Mac asked as the "doctor" walked towards the hidden camera and raised his hand to show a syringe. He then turned away from the screen and walked back to Harm, shoving the needle into the port of his IV.

"My partner, Derrick…. And that syringe in his hand is Harm's life or death. I am not playing, Sarah, you come quietly with me or I will make it very uncomfortable for Rabb…. Do it."

Mac watched the screen intently and saw Harm jerk and shake frantically. He was having a seizure. "No! What is he giving him?" From the audio she heard him moan in pain and felt anguish tear through her like a lightning bolt. "Stop it! Clay, please make him stop!" She pleaded, tears washing down her face.

The feeling of helplessness choked her and Mac fought with her restraints again, willing herself to get loose. Webb watched her pathetic struggle and then stilled her hands. "You have his life and death in your hands Sarah."

"Stop calling me that! You don't get to call me than anymore." She hated the way her name sounded on his lips. She hated everything about him now.

Noting her defiance, Webb spoke into his phone again. "Give him more."

"No! Stop!"

"You're going to help me, Sarah or I'll go after anyone you've ever cared for. Chegwidden, Roberts and his pretty little wife. They have kids right? Two?"

Mac felt sick but, there was nothing she could do. Helplessly, she stared at Harm on the screen realizing this was all her fault. "Fine." She only hoped that Harm would forgive her.


	19. Trophy Hunter

Okay, sorry for the delay in this one. My muse has been otherwise occupied fixing episodes. Heh! I was hoping to wrap this one up soon, I am expecting MAYBE 4 chapters and an epilogue...we'll see. This story started one way, went another. I never thought Webb would be the bad guy but, why not?

The ending if this chapter gets a little dark..

 **Chapter 19 - Trophy Hunter**

"Time, I need more time  
But patience is hard for me  
Feel my blood rushing,  
Slowly I'm closing in

Trophy hunting  
Kill for nothing  
Tired of watching  
Turning tables" - Within Temptation "Trophy Hunter"

Two Days Later

1230 Zulu

Washington Executive Airpark, MD

Mac sat inside a lavish private Bombardier plane, the same one she and Webb had used to fly to Paraguay several months prior. They were playing arms dealers back then, people with money and the means to have such an extravagance. She wondered how he personally had the cash for all of this opulence. "Did the agency sanction this?"

"They paid for the jet and the money I need to buy the nuke." Clay said with a grin as he slipped into a seat across from from her. He tightened her seatbelt and then his own, preparing for take off. "You may want to go over those again. Our story needs to be ironclad." He motioned at the paperwork he'd given her - the story of why they had returned to the Chaco despite being tortured and nearly killed.

"Don't you think Bashar is going to smell a ruse?" She glanced back at the papers, thumbing through to a picture of Ahad Bashar, Sadik Fahd's head of security and the man that had taken over his master's evil empire. "Sadik wasn't in the States long enough to convert me, Webb. No one is going to believe your story." She tried to rationalize.

"You let me handle that." Clay eyed Mac as she leafed through the pages stopping to read through one thoroughly. He still held an attraction for her, always would, he figured but, she was expendable. _Too bad_ , he thought and then turned to look out the window as the jet went airborne. Once it leveled out he unstrapped his and Mac's seatbelts and made sure that the cuffs on her hands were still tight enough. "Get some sleep, Sarah, you're going to need it." He told her before heading towards the front of the plane.

Mac tossed the paperwork onto a small table before standing and walking to the rear of the jet. It was lined with two small sofas one of which she settled into. She felt a tear slide down her cheek and angrily brushed it away. She wouldn't cry. She would merely stay strong and try to find a way out of this mess.

However, the tears fell steadily this time as she thought of Harm. She didn't trust that everything Webb had said was the truth. Videos could be manipulated and for all she knew whatever they had been pumping into Harm's viens was slowly killing him. The notion made her feel helpless, desperate and needing so badly to contact someone and let them know that Harm was in danger.

She laid back against the cushions and began to think about him, hoping he was still alive. That was when she felt a familiar pull of energy and a dull ache in her head that brought her gift to life. Mac felt herself walk into his hospital room and pause just a foot away from his bed. She could see him clearly, face ashen and turned away from her as he lay in a deep slumber. ' _Harm'_ She breathed out. But, just as she called out his name, she felt her vision haze over like a dream she was awakening from.

Several months earlier Mac had tried to contact Harm with her gift, hoping to find him still alive despite assurances from Webb. She needed to see him, needed to speak to him and yet, she never could find him. Now, the vision was there all she had to do was hold onto it.

Gently, she reached out and touched him only her hands could not feel his skin as her fingers went right through him. In her visions she could never touch, merely see and yet, she tried again hoping her touch would wake him. But, her fingers went through him again much like a ghost.

" _Harm, wake up!"_ She called to him in her mind and slipped into full Marine mode as her attempts to wake him became almost desperate. " _God damnit, Commander. Snap to!"_

The headache was beginning to grow, a sign that the connection was about to break. Mac was desperate, she needed to wake Harm. ' _This is a direct order, Commander Rabb. You have to wake up!"_ In her mind she saw him move at her command, body jolting hard. He didn't wake up but, her command had the machines connected to him beeping erratically.

" _Wake up, Harm!"_ This time, he didn't just move, his eyes fluttered open and somewhere in the recess of her mind she could hear his voice. "Mac."

1230 Zulu

Georgetown University Hospital

" _God damnit, Commander. Snap to!"_ Deep within his mind, Harm could hear Mac's voice forcing him to wake. He was far away from her, so far away. He was swimming against a current, trying to come out of a darkness that enveloped him so completely it was hard to get away. He was comfortable in the darkness where there was no pain, no anguish. But, in the darkness he didn't have her, he couldn't be with her and a familiar warmth spread through his veins as the sound of her voice echoed in his mind. "Mac?"

With a start, he came awake only to find someone dressed in a white doctor's smock, face covered in a surgical mask injecting something directly into his vein. He tried to pull his arm away but, he was too weak and the man held him tight as he spoke in a British accent. "It's alright, Commander. I'm here to help."

"What are you doing to me?" Harm tried to fight him but, it was no use, his body refused to respond. "Where am I?"

"The hospital. My name is Simon Tanveer, I'm the MI6 agent that's been assisting your friend Jack Keeter." Tanveer pulled down the mask giving Harm a look at the man's face. He'd seen photos of the intelligence officer and something about the look in his eyes made Harm relax. "You've been in a medically induced coma by one of Clayton Webb's associates."

"Webb?"

Simon took the needle out of Harm's vein and tossed the syringe in the wastebasket before placing a bandaid over the small puncture wound. "Clayton Webb is not the man you think he is. While in Bolivia, Keeter and I uncovered a few things, interrogated the right people." He motioned towards the corner of the room and a box that seemed to be a smoke detector. "See the black spot in the bottom? It's a camera, Webb has been monitoring you. I tapped into the feed before coming in and hijacked the image. To him you are still fast asleep."

' _Harm! Are you alright?'_ Harm heard Mac's voice again, so loud he believed she was in the room. WIth a renewed strength, he sat up and looked around only to find that Mac wasn't there. He felt his chest tighten and an unfathomable sense of dread gripped him. She was in danger. "Where's Mac? Colonel MacKenzie."

"I'm not sure." Tanveer admitted on a sigh. Although he wasn't fully informed on the status of Harm and Mac's relationship, Keeter had mentioned their special connection and how Harm had orchestrated a plan to keep her safe. "Webb has her."

If Webb was with Mac, she had to be safe, he cared for her, loved her. Although intuition was telling him something different and he couldn't quite explain why. ' _Harm, you're in danger.'_ He heard her voice again, clearer than before and brought his hands up to the sides of his head, squeezing in hopes to rid himself of the headaches he was currently experiencing. "Webb wouldn't hurt Mac. As much as I hate to admit it, he's in love with her."

"Clayton Webb loves no one...You don't know who he really is, Commander. In the 70s there were a group of CIA agents involved in fighting the Soviet Union. They were disgraced, some murdered for discovering unfathomable atrocities being carried out by the agency. Clayton Webb's father was one of those men. Anything Webb has ever done was all about revenge and a way to fund his own rogue agency."

Harm stared at Tanveer, confused by the words that he was hearing. Despite never really liking the spy, Clay had been instrumental to both him and Mac in several occasions. He was a friend. "I can't believe he'd do anything against the agency. Webb has done some good work, saved lives. He even helped me get my brother out of…"

"Russia?" Tanveer cut him off and gave Harm a knowing glance before continuing. "Ever notice how he operates so seamlessly in that country? Anything he wants or needs at his fingertips?"

"I don't...Yes." It was nearly impossible to get Sergie out of Russia. Harm had tried every means but, when the man was in a Chechen prison, all bets were off. He never really inquired as to how Webb had gotten him out simply accepted it as a gift from above and went on their way. Even when he and Mac went searching for his father, Webb had found a way to get them out and manipulate the KGB. Things began to make sense in ways he didn't want to believe. "He's a spy for both sides?"

"Somewhat and he defends his interests when it suits him."

"If he's a double agent, why would he let himself get captured in Paraguay and tortured by Sadik Fahd?"

"Clayton Webb was not tortured by Sadik. It was a ruse."

No, that couldn't be. Harm saw the burn marks, the scars and the shaking. He looked into the eyes of a man that wished for death as he tried to protect Mac from being hurt. "I saw him… the blood, the burn marks. He needed medical attention… Kept shaking." How could have it been all a ruse? How could he and Mac had fallen for it?

"You saw what he wanted you to see. In all likelihood, Sadik's men roughed him up enough for show but, nothing permanent. The Agency was onto him and it was the only way to show his loyalty. Sadik Fahd would not torture Clayton Webb, they were allies… they needed each other. Through the Agency Webb was able to gather the components for the Stinger missiles that Fahd had acquired.. You and the Colonel screwed with their plans. And now Webb needs _her._ "

Instinctively Harm knew Tanveer was speaking the truth. He needed to get out of there to find Mac, he was the only one that could. "Help me get out of here."

"Not yet." Tanveer pushed Harm back onto the hospital bed and began pulling the sheets over him. "In five minutes Webb's partner - Derek Broucher is going to enter and try to inject you with something to keep you in that coma. You need to pretend to be asleep so we can catch him." Tanveer motioned to the door. "I've been monitoring him, waiting for my chance to incapacitate him."

Harm grabbed Tanveer as he made to walk away and hide in the bathroom. "Why are you helping me?"

"For Queen and country."

"Bullshit… I know revenge when I see it."

Tanveer sighed and pulled his arm out of Harm's grasp. A far away look crossed his eyes and his mind flashed back to the memories that kept haunting him. It would never let him be, never let him rest and was the source of his constant investigation into Webb. "Four to five years ago Clayton was operating in Australia. He got an MI6 agent killed and I will never forgive him for it."

There was a look in Tanveer's eyes, a darkness that Harm knew too damned well. He'd experienced it when Diane was murdered and he was hell bent on bringing the man that killed her to justice. "You loved that agent, didn't you?"

He did, with all of his heart. "She was my wife. We fell in love when we worked on an assignment together. Despite company regulations, we secretly married, together for less than a year before she was murdered by Webb."

"Why not bring him to justice?"

Tanveer couldn't help but, laugh. "Justice? This isn't JAG, Harm… With men like Webb the only justice is a bullet to the brain. Besides, I had no proof except for a phone call. Marguerite called me as she was dying, he'd slipped some sort of drug into her drink. I heard her scream in pain until she was gone and could not do a damned thing about it. Since then I've vowed to stop him and I've always been a step behind."

A jostling at the door had Tanveer slipping away quickly into the bathroom hoping the darkness of the tiny room would keep him hidden. Harm laid back on the pillows, head hanging to the side pretending to be asleep. The lights in his hospital room came on despite his windows being open and allowing in natural light. He heard someone walk in and felt when something heavy was dropped over is legs.

Broucher had never taken much care with his patient, haphazardly dropping a metal suitcase carrying medication, syringes and several other "tools" over Harm's lap. He flipped the case open and dug around the insides finding a small vial that contained the drug that would keep his patient in a comatose. He shook the small bottle and then plunged a needle into it emptying out most of the contents. "Enjoy your extended nap you piece of shit." He said, directing the needle into Harm's IV. But, before he had the chance to push down on the plunger, Tanveer had snuck up behind him.

Unfortunately, the mirrored surface of his case alerted Broucher of Tanveer's attack. He motioned backwards grabbing Tanveer's arm before he sent his body flying over his shoulder and dropping roughly to the ground. That is when Harm sprung into action, he came at Broucher from behind, putting the man in a headlock and squeezed as much as he could. The drug that Simon had put into his veins had begun to work and Harm could feel himself growing stronger by the minute.

He held onto Broucher as he struggled begging for the man to finally give up and pass out. That is where AJ Chegwidden found him, sprawled on the floor, trying to restrict the other man's breathing. "Harm? What the hell?"

"Help. Me… Admiral." Harm grunted out and soon the former SEAL came to his aid. AJ took Broucher by the collar and slammed him hard against the bed, finally managing to incapacitate him. "Good to see you, sir."

"You too, care to tell me what the hell is going on? Who is he?" AJ motioned to Tanveer who was slowly starting to get up, pain etched on his face. The SEAL readied himself for a battle that never came and instead, he helped the MI6 agent up and into the nearby chair.

Three Hours Later  
AJ Chegwidden's House

McClean, VA

They'd managed to spring Harm from the hospital without incident but, had much more difficulty with Derek Broucher. Tanveer had used one of the drugs in his case to immobilize Broucher who was taken out in a wheelchair.

It was AJ's suggestion to venture to his home, he had a large shed at the rear edge of his property where Broucher was tied down with rope and duct tape.

"Yesterday I had visited with Deputy Director Kershaw who seems to think that Webb went on assignment with Mac to find the Stingers that were left behind. What does he really want with her?" AJ asked after Tanveer had filled in the same details he'd give Harm.

"He's not just after the remaining Stinger missiles, he is after a nuclear warhead... Sadik was infatuated with Colonel MacKenzie. He told his soldiers about her - the woman who shared their blood who he would turn. She would lead with him . Sadik would never have hurt her. Clayton needs her in order to get back in bed with whatever is left of Sadik's men. They wouldn't trust him alone but, with her… We need to find her, once he uses her she's as good as dead." He motioned to Derek who was slowly coming out of his stupor "He has to know something, they are as thick as thieves."

As the hours went by, Harm had regained his full mobility and strength. He still suffered from some headaches but, they were fading as well. "Then we make him talk." His voice took a rough edge, eyes glossed over and nearly darkened. He slipped easily back into being an agent taking a machete that AJ had dangling on the wall.

"Harm." Chegwidden warned and although he'd become accustomed to death and the atrocities that he'd witness in Vietnam, he wasn't ready to see Harm commit such acts.

Harm took a handful of Derek's hair and pulled his head back roughly, the pain bringing him back to the present. Wide eyes stared back at him and all Harm would offer was a sick smile. "This can be painless or painful and you get to pick."

"Fuck you, Rabb!" Broucher yelled out when Harm removed the duct tape from his mouth.

"Painful it is. Good, I kind of like that." Without warning, he ran the sharp edge of the blade over Broucher's thigh slicing through clothing, blood bubbling up to the surface. The man resisted the pain and barely winced something that upset Harm. "You were trained to ignore pain." Taking the machete, he sliced through the same thigh again this time going deeper and into muscle tissue. "Where is she?"

AJ cringed as the blood began to drip off of Broucher and spilled onto the floor. "Harm, go easy."

"Stay back, Admiral." Harm warned, pointing the weapon at his former commanding officer. He turned back to Broucher with interest and made another cut through his thigh. "What did you say?"

"I said fuck you."

"No. Fuck _you_." Harm went to the wall again grabbing a pair of pruning shears. He motioned for Tanveer to hold Broucher's arm while he sought out his index finger and held it with the sheers. "I'm going to slowly cut you into pieces if you don't tell me where Mac is."

"I'm not telling you shit!" But, for all of his bravado, Broucher began to scream when Harm merely snipped at his finger. "Wait! Wait! Please, just stop." He stared at the three men in disgust, he and Webb had a good ride and it was all going to come to an end over a woman. The idea made him laugh. "I knew I would die for a cause but, never like this." With his tongue he fished around his mouth, dislodging a cyanide cap that was fastened to his incisor. He bit down on the cap and swallowed the contents. "I'm ready." He said and then began to shake involuntarily.

"No! Stop him!" Tanveer yelled as he opened Brouchers mouth and tried to get him to cough up the pill. "No! Stay with us you bastard!" He shook the man and pushed him, chair and all to the ground before he began chest compressions but, it was no use. "Cyanide cap." He said, knowing the smell of the toxic chemical all too well. "We get get fitted with one when assignments get to sticky. I'm sorry, Harm."

Harm stood over Broucher, dropping AJ's sheers to the ground. The darkness in his eyes was gone now filled with the anguish of never finding Mac. _Harm.._ Her head her voice call out to him and knew there was another way. "I'll find her." He said, with a renewed determination. He found her in Paraguay, he always knew where she was. "I'll find her."

"How, there's miles and miles of Chaco and God knows if he's even in South America or just biding his time until we run out of leads." Tanveer knew the Chaco well, months of scouring every inch of the place and coming up empty had made his plans futile.

"I can't expect you to believe me but, I can find her. I know I can… we have this… connection, it's always been there…"

"She found you once." Chegwidden chimed in believing it was true. If anyone could find each other it would be Harm and Mac. "What do we do about him." He motioned to Broucher.

"Give Kershaw a call, tell him to clean up his own damned mess."


	20. Final Destination

So obviously, Webb needs to go down in flames. Who would you like to see kill him? Mac, Harm or someone else? :)

CHAPTER 20 - DEEP WITHIN  
"Is there a place deep within?  
A place where you hide your darkest sins?"  
"Deep Within" by Within Temptation

1450 ZULU  
Sucre, Bolivia

"You make that thing look good, Sarah." Webb said as he and Mac sat outside at a small cafe. He was staring, she was wearing an abaya and headdress which made the beauty of her eyes that much more striking. Webb's plan had been to kill her once her duties had been completed but now, looking in her eyes, he felt a pang in his heart - an affection he didn't want to have.

Mac hated the headdress and cringed each time she was on assignment in country that required one. Though she respected peoples choices in religion, she personally felt it was all a way to oppress women under the guise of a religion that had been twisted. "I hate it when you call me that."

"It's your name, Sarah. Why would I call you anything else?" He said softly and then reached across the table to take her hand only to have Mac pull away.

"It doesn't sound right coming from you." Mac couldn't fathom why, at one point she rather enjoyed his attention and the way his name sounded on her lips. Now, she loathed him and was looking for any chance to exact her personal type of revenge on the spy.

"It never used to bother you before."

"Well back then you weren't an asshole." She spat out knowing it would cause him to react but, Mac didn't care. Clay resisted the urge to slap her and the only reason he didn't strike was because they were being watched. He could sense the surveillance on them and knew it wouldn't be long before they were contacted.

"Go ahead, Clay. Hit me. Be a man." He stood then and just as quickly sat down, rage burning in his eyes. "Yeah, that's what I thought. Nothing but a coward."

"Stop trying to push my buttons, you're going to hit the wrong one and see who I really am."

Mac laughed at his threat and sat back in her seat eyeing him with contempt. "The fact that you have a defenseless man, held in a coma, in order to manipulate me into doing your bidding makes you a coward."

"The fact that I can manipulate you so easily makes you weak."

"I'm just biding my time, Webb. You're going down." The look in her eyes held a deadly promise of revenge that he could sense. "You want to be self-assured but, you're scared of me because you know I am not going to stop until I destroy you even if it costs me my life."

"And what if it costs you Harm's life? What then?"

Mac stared at him, hard and steely hoping to convey the opposite emotions from which was feeling. She would die if he hurt Harm because of her lack of cooperation but, then, what's to say he wouldn't hurt Harm otherwise. As it was, her attempts to try to communicate with him had been futile past the plane ride to Bolivia. "What assurances have I that he's still alive past some video you could have falsified? As far as I know, he's dead and there's is nothing left to manipulate me with."

"If you really believed that, Sarah, you wouldn't be here wearing that. You know he's still alive which is why you'll do anything that I say. And Harm's not the only one I can go after you know."

She swallowed hard at the promise if Webb going after her friends and all of her bravado faded away to nothing. It was then that a Cadillac SUV rolled to a stop outside of the cafe. Several men stepped out and finally out came Ahad Bashar, the man who had taken over for Sadik Fahd. Despite his security detail, the man looked around searching for an ambush that would never come.

"You wouldn't be foolish enough to try to ambush me would you Mr. Webb?" Bashar grabbed a chair and placed it between Mac and Webb. From his waistband her took out a pistol which he shoved into Mac's rib making her gasp.

"You won't shoot her. Drop the weapon."

Bashar studied Mac for a moment, furling his brow as he tried to place the woman before him with the pictures Sadik had shown him. "You had a deep impact on my leader. He believed you were they key to our success. I doubted him but, I can see why he desired you so." He spoke to Mac in Farsi as a test to see if she really was who Sadik sought.

"He had a profound effect on me. Made me see that my life in America was a lie." She tried to say the things he wanted to hear, recalling a little facts that Webb had left in the documents he'd given her.

"Why are you with this man?"

"Because Sadik trusted him to bring me to you. He is dead now and I am grief stricken. He was a good man, may he forever live in Allah's light."

"Who hurt you?" Bashar raised his hand to her face and caressed Mac's bruised cheek. She winced at his touch and pulled away slightly. Bashar regarded her for a moment, cocking his head to the side as he studied her eyes. "We'll see if you are really with us, Sarah." He put his weapon back into the holster inside his jacket and motioned for his men to bring the SUV around.

"Search both of them and if they are clean take them to the compound. If not, shoot them both."

Mac's heart raced, hammering hard against her chest in hopes that today wouldn't be her last. She wasn't carrying anything a weapon but, Webb was. His pockets had a velvet bag full of diamonds and he had a pistol both at the small of his back and holstered against his ankle. "Wait! He has weapons, two of them. I am prepared to die in the name of Allah but not because of a CIA agent." She said in Farsi, coming to her knees in front of Bashar in hopes he would see her as a defenseless woman.

She seemed desperate, trying to bide her time as much as possible. The men did pull the weapons off of Clay who was rewarded with a hard elbow to his ribs. It was morbidly satisfying to see him doubled over in pain and Mac couldn't help the smile that spread across her lips. This pleased Bashar. "You like to see him in pain?"

"Yes. It pleases me greatly." Webb stared hard at her, annoyed that she would take such pleasure at his distress.

Nearly two hours later Mac found herself in a lavish bedroom on the Peruvian coast. It was no wonder that Harm and Keeter had such difficulty finding Sadik's men. They weren't in the harsh terrain of the Chaco but, an impressive mansion right on the water and nestled against a rock formation as if it had always been there. The property stretched out for a few miles and devoid of neighbors. From her window Mac had a view of a small private beach and the adjacent dock that went out to the ocean where a large yacht was moored.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" Webb said as he walked into the room without knocking. "Don't get any ideas about jumping, it's a five story fall."

She turned to him with a steely expression.

"Maybe I'll just throw you out the window instead?"

"You'll be rid of me soon enough." He reached out and caressed her face. "As much as I want to believe I didn't fall for you, I did, Sarah. Things should have been different between us." He forcefully pulled her against him and took her mouth in a harsh, punishing kiss only to have Mac shove hard against him trying to escape his unwanted hold.

She struggled and finally created enough space to bring a heel to his foot and her knee to his groin. When he doubled over she wound up and slammed her knee against his face causing him to fall into a heap on the floor with a broken nose. "Don't you ever touch me again you sick, sadistic, sonofabitch."

The commotion had alerted the guards that were placed outside of her door and were now in the room training their guns at one Clayton Webb. Ahad Bashar stepped in as well to find Mac disheveled. "Did he hurt you my dear?"

"I did more damage, I think."

"She's nothing more than a fucking whore." Webb spat out as Bashar's men helped him stand. He held a hand up to his face, blood streaming from his broken nose. He stared at Mac and doubled over again as Bashar himself punched him in the gut. "Ahad, I can explain!"

"We have our arrangement, Mr. Webb and Sarah wasn't part of it. You come near her again and I will kill you."

Webb forced himself upright. "You can't kill me. You'd lose out on so much more."

"Or maybe I just need a different business partner?" Ahad Bashar wasn't Sadik Fahd. He was much more evil, calculating and distrusting. He didn't need an American to help him out, there were other ways.

"No one else is going to pass you information like I do. No one else is going to make sure some other strike against your cell happens. You need me."

Bashar relented and motioned for his men to release Webb. A savvy businessman, he new that his adversary had a point. "You are safe, for now but, she is not to be touched am I understood?"

"Yes."

"Then get out." He motioned for his men to guide Webb out of Mac's room and then stood there alone, waiting for them to be alone. He turned towards her and smiled softly. "Americans are disgusting animals." He caressed her bruised cheek and frowned. "Webb?"

"To force my compliance." She offered openly to let him know that she wasn't a willing participant. It was a bold move on her part but, one that she needed to make. There was only so far her charade could go until they saw through her.

"Why are you here?"

"I don't know."

Her honesty surprised Ahad and he studied her for a moment. Webb had fed him many lies one that included her living with Sadik for a time in the States - a short time in which his former leader turned her. "You never met with Sadik did you?"

"No, I was kept away from him. Taken away to keep me safe." She decided to ignore Webb's neat little "script" of lies.

Her confession seemed to cause some sadness and she noted a darkening look in his eyes. "Allah spoke through Sadik...He was Allah's instrument teaching us how to attack the infidels… It was Allah who brought you to Sadik. Allah who told him you would join us."

Mac was taken back with the way she spoke of her; the beliefs that he held dear brought forth by the fragmented mind of a lunatic hiding behind the Quran. It amused her how religion always seemed to be molded and shifted to suit the need of whomever was trying to manipulate sacred word. "Why me?."

"We share the same blood, you are strong, a leader… others will follow." Bashar began a slow, circular walk around her almost like a jungle cat about to pounce. He studied her, wondering how anyone could know that his leader was after her. "You said you were kept away from Sadik. Who were you with?"

Her head dropped solemnly and for the life of her, she couldn't lie to the terrorist circling her.

Mac knew he would see it in her eyes and would likely force a confession out of her. So she turned to Bashar who had stopped right behind her. "The man I love."

"A lover?" The word seemed to displease Bashar as a look of hatred spread across his face and he searched for the mark of a wedding ring on her finger, finding none. He came up closer to Mac standing toe to toe with her. "Perhaps Mr. Webb was correct in calling you a whore." He whispered and was slapped for his efforts which only made him laugh.

"I am not a whore."

"Does your lover have a name?" He was probing her for information she knew and decided to play his little game to test just how far Bashar was willing to take his belief in Sadik's plan for her.

"He's the man leading the operations in the Chaco to destroy your cell."

"Harmon Rabb?" At her knowing look he began to laugh and then brought his hands up to the Heavens. "Allah has given me a sign… I have such a gift in my possession."

Mac's breath caught at the sound of Harm's name rolling off the terrorist's lips. As far as she knew, they were operating under a false identity while in the Chaco. It was impossible that Bashar could know who Harm was. "How do you know his name?"

"Sadik had a dossier of various CIA agents operating in the area which Mr. Webb provided… We have been after him for months and now I know why we couldn't find him. He'll come find you won't he?" The more he spoke with Mac the more Bashar realized how right Sadik had been to try to bring her into their fold. Not only would she fulfill Allah's wishes but, she would bring a nemesis right to him.

"No."

"He will, eventually… Thank you, Sarah."

"No he won't…" And for the moment, she thanked God Harm was in a hospital in some relative safety. If he came after her, they would be waiting and she wasn't willing to have him risk his life for hers.

"Allah will bring him here, I am sure of it and we'll be waiting."

"What are you going to do to me?"

"Turn you...Posses you." He came even closer then stopping so that he was so close he could kiss her. Bashar wanted to dominate Mac, to make her realize that the only thing left for her to believe in was Jihad and Allah.

"It wont work."

"We'll see." With that he took a step back and left the room, the lock sounding with an audible 'click.'

For the first time since her tete-a-tete with Bashar had begun, Mac let out a deep breath. She had willed herself to not show fear and keep that stoic Marine facade on the surface. But, when she stared down at her hands Mac found them shaking uncontrollably. "Oh God, help us please." She pleaded to the Heavens as she curled up into a ball in on the bed and cried.

1560 ZULU

Undisclosed Location

Somewhere in Bolivia

Harm didn't miss the Chaco nor its oppressive heat and humidity that clung to him like a second skin. He didn't miss the shithole farmhouse that made up of his and Keeter's home and was their base of operations. "Christ it's hot down here. Haven't felt this since 'nam." He heard Chegwidden say as he stepped out of the Jeep that had taken them deep into the Chaco.

The Admiral had insisted on joining, offering his expertise as a SEAL and his training in jungle warfare. He knew that being caught in an unsanctioned mission would be career suicide; he just didn't care anymore. It was time to step up and help Harm no matter the cost.

"Oppressive, isn't it?"

"As long as I'm not ass deep in rice patties, I'll handle my own." He followed Harm past several abandoned silos that were nestled in a wooded area, a former hide out for some of the terrorists they were after. "Nice place."

"The CIA took possession after a sting. It's been mine and Keeter's home wherever we operate out here." They had placed tripwires all around the small compound with various security cameras that alerted them to any movement in the woods. When they walked into the farmhouse, Keeter was standing by Tanveer pointing at a specific spot on a topographic map. The MI6 agent was on the satellite phone speaking in a language that was unfamiliar to Harm while making red circles at an area on the map.

He introduced Keeter and Chegwidden and then stared Tanveer's markings. "That's not the coordinates I gave you."

"That's because they are nowhere in the Chaco." Keeter said on a sigh.

"At all?" That couldn't it be. He had plotted various sting locations when he was at the cabin with Mac, areas that he had discovered while interrogating known sympathizers. "They couldn't have just vanished."

"Nothing more than just a few farmers making some extra cash by storing some equipment. Nothing to write home about."

"You can't just make a nuke disappear, Jack."

"We've been searching in the wrong area. It appears that Sadik had a home right on the coast of Peru." He pointed at the red circle and slid his finger downward into what would be the Chaco. "They moved the warhead there, going through the woods to avoid detection. We're getting satellite images sent to us and…"

Harm could hear Tanveer continue to speak mentioning points of interest and something about a mansion on the cliffs. However, the voice became muddled and an overwhelming feeling gripped him. He figured it was the remnants of Webb's drugs but, when closed his eyes he could see the area that Tanveer was describing. The lavish, cliff side mansion where Mac was being held. "She's there." He spoke suddenly, making the conversation between the three other men come to a stop. "Mac's there."

"How do you know that, buddy?" Keeter was the first to speak, seemingly confused with his friends' information. "You psychic or something?"

"I just know." He turned to AJ and nodded at his former commanding officer. If there was anyone that really knew the dynamic between he and Mac it was Chegwidden. "You believe me, don't you, sir?"

"When it comes to you and Mac, I'll believe just about anything." Chegwidden turned to the other two confused men and offered an explanation. "The Colonel found Commander Rabb in a storm tossed ocean when his Tomcat went down. She pointed at a spot on a map and it was the damnedest thing I'd ever witnessed."

"If she is there, mission one is to recover the warhead, you do know this?" Tanveer placed a hand on Harm's shoulder, hoping to snap the man out of his reverie.  
"Rabb?"

"Of course." Harm said although the look in his eyes betrayed his words. When it came to Mac there would be no other assignment, no other mission. Her safety was key, he'd figure out the rest later. "What else have your contacts found out?"


	21. Supernova

Okay Kids! Thank you for sticking with this one. Past the cabin I really wasn't sure where this was going.

Originally, (you guys were right!) Sadik was going to find Mac and take her. Somehow, I just wanted to make Webb bad, give us more reason to dislike his character. So there are a couple of chapters left. 22 will be a longer chapter, 23 will be short and an epilogue. I hope to get this done by next week to concentrate on a few other things I have floating around. Most of my attention will go over to "Into Emptiness."

I am also doing a re-write of season 10 which takes place directly after my chapter in "Disruptions" about Hail and Farewell. :)

Thank you for the reviews, I apologize that I don't post more. I work long hours, train for running races and have a life outside of the cyber world. :)

 **Chapter 21 - Supernova**  
"Like thunder screaming out for a flash of lightning

Stars are falling down for god's applause

I'm waiting for the light of your supernova

Your last goodbye"  
Within Temptation - "Supernova"

 **1930 Zulu**  
 **Near Miraflores, Peru**

It took them nearly two whole days of travel to head from the Chaco to the Peruvian coastline. They'd taken different routes, surreptitiously calculating how to maneuver through some of the terrain and into the city. Keeter had left several agents at the compound in the Chaco with misinformation in hopes that no one would follow. He didn't know who to trust anymore beyond the three men that were with him.

Tanveer's sources had discovered plans to use a nuclear warhead to decimate the Panama Canal contrary to misinformation Webb had given the CIA about the warhead being taken to the US Eastern coast. It made sense with the location of the yacht and the proximity to Panama. He had also discovered that the warhead had been fitted with some sort of launch capabilities - how far it could go, no one knew. Time was of the essence.

The Jeep they traveled in was loaded with weapons, a cache of pistols and rifles were hidden in a compartment under the rear floorboard on top of which were two SCUBA tanks with all of the necessary equipment. To anyone that stopped them, they were four friends heading to the coast for a diving excursion. "There will be a Zodiac waiting for us on the beach just three kilk's away from the compound."

They had arrived at dawn, hiding high in the cliffs in an abandoned hotel order to have a vantage point of the compound. High powered binoculars aided the group and Harm had spotted a small, flatbed truck and the cone shaped cargo that was tarped over and being driven over the dock to the waiting yacht. There was a large group of men, using the yacht's crane to hoist the warhead onto the boat and into the area in the rear where normally jet skis and a smaller boat would be housed.

Still, there was no sign of Mac.

Harm had taken first watch, allowing the others to rest as he made sure no one would get the drop on them. He knew Mac was inside the compound, he felt it in his bones and only hoped that she hadn't been hurt. If Tanveer was right and Webb had been involved, the spy would pay for it with his life. "We'll find her." He heard AJ say from his resting spot just a few feet away.

Chegwidden stood up, stretching out his tired body and came to stand next to Harm. He took the binoculars and trained them on the movement near the yacht and frowned. "Do you really believe Webb is involved?"

"Tanveer seems to think so and to be honest, I've always had a bad feeling about him." It was Webb's assistance on personal matters that allowed him to cloud his judgement. That wouldn't happen again.

"How much to you trust this Tanveer?"

"Jack does." Harm deadpanned.

"You don't."

Harm shook his head. He wasn't sure who to trust anymore except for the man standing beside him at the moment. "Tanveer is right though. My priority should be the nuke." And yet he was torn between honor and the true love of his life with no promise that things would turn out in his favor.

"How long have you loved her?" AJ suspected it had been since they met however, fate seemed to drive his two officers apart from each other. It was hard to watch and even more so because they were shackled by the chains of command. He would have done anything to keep them together as long as the Navy allowed. Hell, he'd practically broken the rules for Harriet and Bud.

"I don't know… I can't remember a time when I haven't loved her." He said as if his admission cost him something. "We've made a mess of things, Admiral. Pushed buttons, hurt each other. We've talked, a lot when we were away. I think we've fixed things... I can't lose her now."

"Don't blame yourself for this because it's not your fault… Mac knew the risks of going with Webb to Paraguay… if anything it's my fault for letting her go."

"Let's not blame ourselves, Admiral. Lets just find a way to finish the mission."

"Deal."

Hours later, the four stood on the cliff, still looking down at the compound and waiting for movement that was slow to come. "Normally, we'd issue a strike… But, we don't know the capabilities of that nuke. It could eradicate half of South America...The last thing we need is an International incident on our hands." Harm pointed out on a huff. It was much easier to just send in the aerial cavalry and blast the boat into Kingdom Come while they entered the compound, guns-a-blazing.

"We wait for the ship to leave the dock, come after them with the Zodiac in the cover of night." Tanveer suggested.

"Is the RIB fast enough to catch them?" Keeter asked. Although he'd been with the agency for some time, most of his assignments had been behind the stick of a plane or on the ground, never by sea.

"I doubt they'll travel at full speed and yes the RIB can go as fast as 70 knots."

"We board the yacht and take it over. Tanveer, have MI6 find a floor plan, this way we have the best egress areas." Harm ordered only to find the British officer staring at him in confusion. "What?"

"MI6 not the CIA?"

As much as Harm hated to admit it, "I can't trust the agency right now."

"If MI6 helps that means I'm taking the lead on this." Tanveer pointed out, the concept making him almost giddy. In his opinion, MI6 was far superior than the CIA and he would show that off. In any case, he had been authorized to go off script and finish the mission at all costs.

"I don't give a shit who takes lead...I want this over with, Tanveer."

"There's movement… Harm, you'll wanna see this." Keeter was searching the compound through his binoculars, stopping when he saw a small group of people walking across the docks. There were four men with AK-47s and then two other men dressed in jeans and Polo shirts - the leaders, he surmised. When Keeter zoomed in he found the two men walking with a woman that was wearing an abaya and the headdress.

Harm took his own binoculars and trained them on the group, instantly searching and finding her. Mac was walking in front of Webb who was holding a pistol to her back. "Webb. Sonofabitch. ..Keeter, get that on film… They aren't going to believe us otherwise."

Keeter did as told, producing a small, digital video camera and zooming into the group below. "Agency Golden Boy works for the other side. Jesus…Never thought I would see that coming."

Harm frowned. "Neither could I…. Guess you were right Tanveer."

"Trust me, this is something I don't want to be right about… Officers in the intelligence Community are not supposed to play for the other side… Webb was the best, many look up to him… This may cause others to turn."

"Let's get out of here, we'll make our way down to the coast and start there. MI6 can use Rivet Joint to give us an exact location of the yacht once it leaves the dock." Harm began moving, heading towards the Jeep, hoping the drive to the beach would be a quick one.

2320 Zulu  
Near Miraflores, Peru

"Goddamnit." Clayton Webb paced the bridge of the large yacht, his hands coming to scrub his face as news of Derrick Broucher's untimely demise had reached him. Derek was the closest thing he had to a brother. He was a friend, an ally, his partner and now he was gone. "Rabb's what?" He yelled into his phone causing Bashar to stare at him with interest. "Fuck… Yes, that changes things. Destroy everything.. You hear me? Everything." In anger he chucked the cellphone into the floor breaking it.

"Problems, Mr. Webb?"

"Rabb escaped. My closest ally was killed."

Bashar shrugged. "It does not matter. I was hoping he would come to us to find her. He will be easier to kill that way."

Webb shook his head, Bashar didn't understand Harmon Rabb but, he did. The man was tenacious as hell and deadly. "No. You don't know Harm. We have to get out of here now."

"No one tells me what to do Mr. Webb." Bashar said and then grabbed Webb by his shirt, shoving him against the console of the yacht. "Least of all, you. Sadik may have had a fondness for you but, I do not share his sentiment. As it is, I think you have overstayed your welcome."

Webb too grabbed Bashar's shirt using leverage to push the terrorist backwards. "I have the codes for the nuke. You want to level the Panama Canal? You need me. If Rabb finds us, it's all over. He's coming for her, don't you get it? Rabb will stop at nothing until he finds her."

"Harmon Rabb is just a man, an infidel… I will kill him."

"Not if he kills you first."

With that Bashar released Webb and noticed the hint of fear on the CIA agent's face. He knew that look well, the one of masked terror that you couldn't escape from. "You are afraid of him."

"I've seen what he's willing to do for those he cares for…" Webb knew the lengths that Harm would go and for Mac, he'd do just about anything. "And, at the moment, the one thing he cares about the most is on this yacht. He has a group of agents in the Chaco, it's not that difficult to find you and blow this place off the map. We need to get moving."

"Amir, prepare to depart. I want everyone ready, we leave in an hour." Bashar stated to the man standing at the bridge with him, finally convinced with Webb's plight.

Just below the bridge, Mac sat in the main state room whose windows offered a 180 degree view of the ocean. The vessel was absolutely stunning and entirely too lavish, the type of thing that persons with extreme disposable income would afford. She marveled at the opulence as she sat on the edge of the king sized bed that faced the windows. Dark wood covered most of the walls and furniture, the floors were of marble and much of the same treatment had been given to the parts of the ship that she saw as Bashar's men brought her up a spiral staircase to the room.

The last few days had been hell on her body. She wasn't sleeping or eating and her attempts to find Harm had dwindled. At one point she thought she had seen him, felt him coming for her but, the constant headaches from lack of sleep had stopped the visions. Mac pulled against her restraints but, it was futile as she was chained to a metal tube that welded the bed to the floor, shackled at the ankles with those stupid cuffs on her wrists. Bashar's men were ordered to make sure she couldn't escape and had done a superior job.

She had overheard Bashar speaking and found out that the plan was to have his men drive the vessel to the locks of the Panama Canal and detonate the warhead once he, Webb and herself were off the yacht and secure in a small powerboat - the others would happily sacrifice their lives for the cause. She needed to find a way to get free and stop them somehow. Coming to the foot of the bed, she laid on the floor and kicked at the tube where her chain was wrapped but, it wouldn't budge. "Damnit."

"We're going to be underway soon." She heard Webb say as he stepped into the stateroom and stopped just a few feet short of her. He reached down and roughly helped her up before pushing her onto the bed only to sit next to her. "I'm sorry things turned out like they did." He began, speaking softly to her. "I still find you beautiful, Sarah."

"How touching." She said sarcastically and moved her face away in disgust when he tried to touch the cheek he had marred. "I thought you wanted the warhead for yourself. Now you're going to help that sick fuck detonate it?" She didn't know exactly how powerful the nuke was but was sure that Bashar's crew had likely packed it with enough plutonium to destroy a small city.

Webb shrugged. "Why do I care what he does with it?" He'd been paid well to supply Bashar with the yacht and the necessary fuel to run the vessel. Even the captain and engineer were former CIA agents now working for him.

"Don't you care about the innocents you'll hurt?" She feared for what would be in the Canal once the nuke detonated. It was always heavily trafficked with anything from cargo to cruise ships. Thousands would be killed.

"No." He said simply and the look in her eyes told her it was true. It hurt Mac more than he could know that a man that she once cared for, that she once trusted and believed in could be so heartless. "Sarah, things could have been different between us."

"Why did you let me go? You had me once. You could have just killed Harm and gotten him out of the way." She'd always wondered why he stepped aside when it was clear he desired her.

Webb snorted, "And held you while you grieved him? No, thank you. I sent him to you, you know? I sent him to Miami, told him exactly what restaurant you'd be at. Hell, I even told him to pack a suit."

Mac smiled fondly at that evening where something had changed between her and Harm. He had shown up in Miami and they had argued about their relationship and the one he thought she had with Webb. Then, they kissed and she lost herself in him, almost making love to him except his phone rang and he was whisked out of her life and back to Langley. It was that night that she realized thing's weren't over between them and the desire that had touched her was shared by both of them. "If you hadn't done that, Harm and I would have never… Why did you?"

"Because I was wavering." And it was hard to keep pretending to be the good guy for her. "I wanted to be the right man for you but, it was costing me time and a job or two when I was with you rather than work on my assets. Rabb was so desperate to see you after ball, I figured I could make you his problem."

It was amusing to her that the one man she despised the most was the person she needed to thank for getting her and Harm together. Had it not been for him using her to find her Uncle several years prior, they would have never met. Had Webb not told Harm about Miami, they would have never kissed, never been so tempted to be together. "You lost your chance. That night, in Miami, I was planning on sleeping with you. I needed to forget Harm and I figured you waited enough."

Her admission hurt more than Webb could ever admit so he just sat there, glaring at her with a look that could kill. His ire for her was rising again and it was Bashar's promise to hurt him that stopped Webb from taking her forcefully. "How nice of you."

"You still want me." Mac said, leaning into him and speaking with a soft, seductive, bedroom voice. "I see it in how you look at me. And the thing you hate most is knowing that I never really wanted you."

Webb stood and backed away from her as if she'd burnt him. The rage inside of him had grown, manifested itself so that he struck her against the same bruised cheek. He knew that Bashar would likely hurt him for his abuse but, he didn't care. He'd had enough of her and the constant torment. "I'm going to take pleasure in the fact that Bashar is going to destroy you. He's going to make you turn against your country and everything you ever loved. And, when he's done with you… When you are of no more use to him, you'll be just another one of his whores."

"If Harm doesn't find me first." Mac said as Webb headed towards the door. He stopped with his had on the knob and turned to her with a bewildered look. She simply smiled at him, pretending to know more than he. "I know he's alive, I can feel it. You're as good as dead." And with that, he left her.

 **0120 ZULU**  
 **Near Miraflores, Peru**

The trip down the coast had taken longer than Harm had expected. Thankfully, the Zodiac was waiting and both Tanveer and Chegwidden were loading it with weapons and scuba gear. "Keeter, I want you to stay on the RIB no matter what." Harm had told his friend before they headed off.

"Why?"

"How much do you trust Tanveer?"

Keeter stared at his oldest friend and then motioned to the MI6 officer. "Our compound was overrun while you were playing house with Mac. He stood by my side... So yeah I trust him."

Trust was a very odd thing. It could be used to deceive and manipulate. "I trusted Webb once. He got my brother out of Russia, helped me find my dad. And now look… The Admiral I can trust, he's had my back."

"But you can't trust me?" Keeter frowned, he knew about Harm's troubles with Chegwidden and how the former seal didn't allow him back at JAG. "Did you forget what Chegwidden did to you?"

"That wasn't life and death, Jack. This is. Look, I am trusting you with Mac's life. When I find her, I need you to keep her safe on the RIB if anything happens to me."

"Count on me."

"What the hell are you doing?" Chegwidden said suddenly as Tanveer began to pull several charges from a black bag. The MI6 officer had donned a wetsuit and SCUBA gear intent on putting his plan into play. "Harm, he has explosives."

Harm walked over to the Zodiac and opened the bag to find a cache of charges. "What are you planning on doing with those?" When Tanveer didn't answer, Harm grabbed the other man and slammed him into the RIB. "What are you trying to do?"

Tanveer pushed back removing himself from Harm's grasp. "I plan to use an EMP device to disable the ship and the charges to blow it up. We can't let a warhead anywhere near land."

"Are you kidding me? Mac's on board!"

"The warhead is more important than your girlfriend, Rabb. You don't even know if she's still alive."

At his words Harm saw red. He felt himself consumed by anger and charged at the MI6 officer only to be stopped by a pistol that was raised at him. "Tanveer…"

"Please don't force me to shoot you." Tanveer's hand shook as he pointed the gun at Harm. He knew what the other man felt, he'd been there before and let love cloud his judgement. "How would she feel if thousands died because you chose her? You're former military, you know how it works."

"Just give me some time to find her. Please." He wasn't above pleading his cause. Harm knew he could find Mac, he just needed a little time.

With a sigh, Tanveer lowered the weapon. "Twenty minutes. That'll give me enough time to disable the nuke before the boat sinks."

Harm wasn't sure why exactly but, something told him that he could trust Simon Tanveer. "Thank you."


	22. Our Farewell

CHAPTER 22 - Our Farewell

"In my hands

A legacy of memories

I can hear you say my name

I can almost see your smile

Feel the warmth of your embrace

But there is nothing but silence now

Around the one I loved

Is this our farewell?"

Within Temptation - "Our Farewell"

0245 ZULU

Somewhere Off The Coast of Ecuador

Harm's heart was beating harder than if he'd run a marathon when he saw Bashar's yacht come into view. It was moving relatively slow through the water not cruising at its higher speeds. In the cover of night and with coordinates from MI6, the small group had located the vessel and remained a few miles away keeping it in sight as it moved farther away from land. "It's time." Tanveer said when he set his plan into motion.

Keeter pushed the throttle on the Zodiac opening the engines until they were close enough to ease off and coast alongside the yacht. Harm tossed a grappling hook onto the middle deck and pulled on the knotted rope until it caught against a railing. Three men ascended the rope, each carrying a rifle and a side arm along with the charges, carried by Tanveer, that were to be placed along various parts of the ship. "Twenty minutes." He reminded Harm and the men synchronized their watches.

"Find her, Commander, that's an order." AJ quietly said to his former officer, patting Harm on the shoulder for assurance.

"Aye sir." Seconds later the EMP device was turned on and it took just a few minutes for the yacht to systematically begin shutting down and the emergency lights to turn on. "Go."

Tanveer and Chegwidden went aft while Harm went stern trying to locate the exterior door to the galley that he knew would give him access to the interior of the vessel. Once there, he quickly glanced through a small window to find one man with a machine gun standing in front of an open refrigerator door. He took a breath, threw the door open and blasted two suppressed shots into the man's back.

Hearing voices in Farsi, he moved quickly into the galley, squatting by a massive kitchen island, waiting for the owners of the voices to appear. He took aim at one man and then the other, dispensing them both. Once he found no one else had come to investigate, he stood and and made his way over the bodies and out a pocket door to the left.

From studying the boat's layout, he knew there was a hallway that would be used by crew that offered a back entrance to the main living quarters above or the crew quarters below. "Up or down, Rabb." He whispered to himself needing to make a choice as he stared down to find that it had taken him nearly five minutes to deal with the guards. "Mac." He closed his eyes for a moment, hoping some sort of instinct would tell him which way to go.

Before long he found himself heading down the hallway and stopping near a massive living room with a spiral staircase. He could hear commotion from outside and pressed himself against a corner when two men with weapons ran down the stairs and out of the living room sliding glass doors. Taking the steps two by two, he ascended, stopping to blast a shot into yet another guard who was standing in front of an ornate wooden door. He took a breath and then another, willing his heart rate to slow down. "Mac." She was in there, he knew it by heart and could sense it in his soul.

Harm was afraid of what he would find and steeled himself as he slowly opened the door and peeked inside. He saw a female figure sitting at the edge of the a large bed, barely illuminated by the emergency lighting that had turned on once the EMP went operational. "Mac?"

She could have sworn she was dreaming, although Mac didn't remember going to sleep. Once the yacht had set sail, she worried her chances of him finding her would dwindle. Would she see him again? Would Webb's promises come to fruition? What if Bashar did manage to turn her? What would Harm think of her then?

Tears had been falling on a steady stream for the first hour of the voyage which she angrily swept away each time one of Bashar's men had come to check on her. She was trying to come up with a plan, hoping to get one of them close enough to attack and disarm. The last one had nearly fallen for her plan until someone had radioed about an emergency several minutes earlier.

It was then that she felt it, a warmth that spread through her that couldn't be explained. The hair in the back of her head stood up and she knew he was there, she could feel him.

"Harm? Oh God, it's you." She stood up as he hurried towards her, shouldering the rifle so he could take her in his arms.

He kissed her once, twice, a third time, breathing a sigh of relief that she was relatively unharmed. When he broke the kiss and brought a hand to caress her face, he saw her wince in pain and turned her head towards the glow of the emergency lights. Tenderly, he moved his fingers over her cheek, outlining the marred and bruised skin that he encountered. "Who did this to you?"

"Webb." she confessed before giving him a sheepish grin. "I guess I pissed him off a time or two."

Harm's eyes began to cloud over and that ever present intent to kill bubbled up to the surface. He felt his emotions begin to shut off, his vision tunneling and the intense desire to destroy Clayton Webb fueled him. "He's a dead man."

"Am I?" They hadn't heard Webb walk in and close the door behind him, training a small pistol at the pair before him. It was his gut that told him that Harm had found the ship and would undoubtedly attempt to rescue Mac. "Loose the rifle."

Harm did as told, tossing the rifle on the bed. He then stepped in front of Mac, shielding her body with his own, vowing to protect her with his life if need be. "It's over, Clay. You're finished."

"I'm the one holding the gun, Rabb."

Harm calculated quickly the distance between himself and Webb realizing the other man would get exactly one shot off before he tackled him to the ground. Seconds later, Harm ran at him, wincing when a shot from Clay's pistol tore through his left shoulder.

"Harm! No!" Mac was too late to stop him and the chains that bound her kept her from helping. She stood by helplessly watching as Harm ran towards Webb, getting shot before he tackled the rogue agent to the ground.

"Son of a bitch." Harm said as he came over Webb's body and began punching him with everything he had. His fist connected, once, twice, a third and fourth time until he had lost count of how many blows he'd landed to Webb's face and torso. He was taking pleasure in the beating and the eradication of the rage that was blindly leading him.

Harm's vision blurred and he ignored the sharp pain in his knuckles from the beating. He wanted to destroy Webb with his bare hands, to rip him to shreds for hurting her. He wrapped his hands around Webb's neck, hoping to squeeze the life out of him when he felt a dizziness. Webb used that opportunity, the slight brevity, to reach up and dig his thumb into the bullet wound in Harm's left arm.

He shoved his finger inside Harm's skin, pushing as hard as he could and giving him enough time to produce a small knife he had holstered to the inside of his pant leg. "Harm!" Mac yelled in warning as Clay raised the weapon up, slicing through one of Harm's forearms.

Sensing he was in danger, Mac reached and took the discarded rifle, training it on the two men and hoping to get a clear shot.

Both men stood then and Webb rushed at Harm slamming him against the wall, angling the knife in order to slice the man's throat. "You're dead, Rabb." He never had the chance to strike.

Mac shot once, clipping Webb's right leg and bringing him down to his knees. He turned towards her, face all bloodied and recognizable. "No." Mac had the weapon still focused on him. "Sarah, don't. You don't want to kill me." Although the look in her eyes told him otherwise. He was staring at a woman he thought he knew - someone that had once shared part of herself with him and yet, she was different. The hatred in her eyes made his heart ache and he wondered, for the the last time, if things could have been different. "You won't do it." And then the shot rang out, slicing through air and straight into his skull. That look in Mac's eyes was the last thing he saw as he collapsed to a bloody heep on the ground.

Lowering the rifle, Mac's eyes glared down a now dead Clayton Webb. She felt a relief flow through her as his blood pooled on the marble below. The biggest mistake of her life was gone for good - she was free.

Mac didn't realize Harm had moved towards her until he took the rifle and slung it back over his shoulder. "Are you alright?"

"Bastard had it coming." She stated with certainty and he could see her visibly relax some. Part of their ordeal was over. "You're hurt." Mac pointed out, pressing her hand to the open wound on his forearm. "We need to get out of here. Bahar's men will come for you."

Almost as if on cue, gunshots began sounding throughout the ship. A rhythmic 'rat-ta-tat' of automatic gunfire that sounded to the rear of the vessel. "Let's go." He un-holstered his side arm and told Mac to widen her stance in order to tighten the chains at her feet before pointing the weapon and shooting. It had its desired effect and when the bullet broke the chain, she was able to move freely. "Can't do anything about the cuffs. Keeter is on a Zodiak, I just need to get you onto it."

"What about you?" She stopped him as he went to open the door to the stateroom. Harm could hear the fear in her voice and he sighed. She was safe, for now, he intended on keeping it that way until they could neutralize Bashar's men and acquire the nuke. "Harm?"

"The MI6 agent we are working with put charges on the ship." He glanced at his watch and frowned, time was running out, he had less than ten minutes.

"How much time?" She watched him with interest noting the sudden change in his demeanor. This was not good.

"Not enough." He confessed and drew the door open. "Stay behind me." Harm ordered as he took his rifle and began leading her out of the master stateroom. They made their way down, using a spiralled staircase where he stopped midway noticing that the coast was clear. "Stay here." He weaved his way through the living quarters finding the bodies of Bashar's men littered through the ship. They were almost outside, he could see the sliding glass doors that lead out to one of the decks. But, there was a problem. Through the windows he spotted a man holding a gun to Chegwidden which was on his knees his hands raised in a defensive posture.

Harm made his way down the expansive living room, pressing himself up against shelving to keep out of sight as much as possible. From a spot near a window, Harm propped himself up, aiming and shooting at the guard that was holding AJ. He moved forward again, hearing more sounds of gunfire and found that Bashar had shot Tanveer. Without a word, he trained the rifle on the man and shot once, hitting him directly in the skull. "Admiral, are you alright?"

"I'm good. Where's Mac?" AJ looked around not finding her with them. He'd expected Harm would have found her and not let her out of his sight as he maneuvered through the vessel. That was when the first explosion sounded right beneath them, the concussion so strong it knocked them both off their feet. It was the second blast that practically destroyed the yacht.

Ten Minutes Later...

'So this is how I'm gonna die.' Mac thought as she stopped trying to push the shelving unit off of her. The water had begun to rise and it was hitting somewhere around her chest. Saving her strength, she hoped to push the cabinet again when the water rose a bit more, hoping some sort of buoyancy would help her cause. The damned handcuffs weren't helping either, restricting her movements so that she couldn't use the full force of her shoulders to push.

She laid her head back against the wall behind her and sighed heavily. Didn't she morbidly mention to Harm that she wanted to die with something big at stake? Drowning with a nuclear warhead onboard was pretty epic. 'Harm.' Mac couldn't help but think about him wondering if he was still alive. 'He has to be.' She thought to herself, whatever connection they had would tell her if he had died. And she'd heard him, talked to him, sort of. That persistent voice of his that only she could hear. "I love you, flyboy." Mac said out loud and then tried, unsuccessfully to push the cabinet again.

How the hell she had wound up her current position was a bit tricky to figure out. Once Harm had headed down the living room, she had followed stopping mid-way when she saw that he had stopped and shot at someone. Thirty seconds later there was a loud bang and she had blacked out only to wake up pinned somewhere inside the boat.

"Mac? Where the hell are you?" She heard Harm's voice then and saw lights that illuminated the darkened vessel.

The damned shelving unit was pressing hard against her and Mac had to take a deep breath in order to call out for him. "Here… I'm over here." She saw the light point her way and sighed when both Harm and AJ appeared in front of her. "I'm pinned down. Can't get it off." Mac pressed against the unit again to show them. "How are we still alive? The nuke?"

"There's a shell around it that protects the warhead from an accidental explosion. We got lucky." Chegwidden pointed out dryly, holding a large waterproof flashlight that he used to gauge the situation.

Harm studied the shelf, trying to make sure that something hadn't impaled her. Satisfied that movement wouldn't hurt her more, he gripped an edge and pulled up but, it wouldn't move. "Damnit. Admiral, try pulling on that side." It didn't help that his shoulder was rendering his left arm worthless. "Okay, on three… two… one… ." They pooled their efforts together, pulling harder on the shelving unit but, it still wouldn't move. The water was rising fast and he could see the fear in Mac's eyes when they met his. "I'll get you out of here." He promised her although he wasn't sure how.

Once he'd come to, he'd helped Chegwidden take an injured Simon Tanveer onto the RIB and then left to find Mac, he hadn't expected the yacht to be sinking so quickly.

"Rabb, stay with her… I'm going for help." Chegwidden said, hoping to return with Keeter.

Harm waded through the water, searching for something he could use to wedge under the the unit and get leverage enough for Mac to slide out from beneath it. He found a metal pole, part of a balustrade that had broken loose but, when he made to use it in, the metal bent, rendering it useless. "Fuck!" He said out loud, tossing the pole across the living area and desperately searching around for something else. Once again, he gripped the unit and tried as hard as possible to move it from her. "God damnit!"

"Harm, leave me." Mac said suddenly, realizing that there was no way out of this predicament. She would die and wasn't about to take him with her. "There's nothing we can do, you have to go." He was trying to move the unit again, attempting to summon some sort of strength that he no longer had. "Harm, please, for once, do as I say!" She begged, bringing her cuffed hands up and over his head and drawing him close.

"I'm not leaving you behind." He could see the fear in her eyes that matched his own and his heart broke. They couldn't have made it this far for one of them to die. He wasn't going to let it happen. When he made to pull away and try again, Mac held him still urging him closer. "Mac?"

"I love you." Mac brushed her lips over his knowing it would be the last time she would kiss him. Closing her eyes, she deepened the kiss keeping him against her when he made to pull away again. "Go, Harm. Please." The water was at her chin now and she had to tilt her head back for her mouth and nose not to be under water. "Please, go. Live fo me."

"I can't." He said in a wavering voice before removing himself from her grasp. "We have SCUBA gear in the RIB…"

"There's no time." She was trying to hold her head up higher and her bravado from minutes ago began to waver as some of the water entered her mouth. "Oh God." Mac spit out the water and tried to push off the unit again. "Please God." Seconds later, she felt the water rise higher and then Harm's lips were on hers forcing air into her lungs.

She closed her eyes and took his breath, holding it until he went up to the surface and returned, ready to breathe for her again. He kept it up for several minutes until some sort of calm came over her.

Mac wouldn't let him die for her.

When he went up to take another breath, she decided to sacrifice herself for him. 'I love you so very much.' She took a deep breath, panicking as the swell of ocean water assaulted her lungs. It made her flail involuntarily, her limbs trying to get her to the surface but, it was no use, she was drowning. The water in her lungs burned, ached like lava was coursing through her body. Mac frantically fought to breathe from Harm's lips once he reached her but his breath forced more water into her lungs until everything went dark.


	23. Mercy Mirror

CHAPTER 23 - Mercy Mirror

"It's a wicked game life plays,

How it gives and takes away

No turning around, touching ground

What we had was so much more than I realized

If I could I'd embrace, embrace you."  
Within Temptation - "Mercy Mirror"

1130 Zulu

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church

One Month Later

It felt good to be back at headquarters despite the mountain of paperwork that had been placed on her desk - Mac was on lite duty and was craving to see the inside of a courtroom again. After a stay at the hospital, Mac had been let out only to be informed by Chegwidden that Harm had been patched up and whisked away by the agency. She frowned at the thought and forced down the tears which threatened to spill whenever she thought about the last time she saw him.

Being pinned down by a shelving unit in a sinking ship didn't provide the tenderest of goodbyes. When she kissed him, Mac was sure she wouldn't survive, she wouldn't see Harm again and somehow here she was, alive and relatively well.

Her bruised cheek had healed and only a small, barely visible scar remained. She was lucky that her bones had not been broken by Webb. The only physical complication of her ordeal was the damage to her lungs from the seawater.

Somehow, Harm had managed to move the unit off of her, swimming through the sinking vessel as he pulled her body through and up to the surface. Chegwidden recounted how they had brought her into the RIB and Harm had begun chest compressions until she coughed up the water only to pass out moments later. However, everything after feeling Harm's lips on hers was a blur.

That had been nearly four weeks ago and her lungs still failed her slightly. At times, Mac felt as if she couldn't catch her breath and often would break into a coughing fit. The pulmonologist at Bethesda assured her that it would take some time to feel normal again but, she was progressing nicely.

What hurt the most was waking up at the hospital to find him gone. Her savior. Her hero. And it worried her to no extent that the CIA still had a hold on him.

It was Chegwidden that assured her Harm was alive, barely patched up before two agents had taken him and Keeter. Calls to his cellphone and apartment went unanswered. Even her visit with AJ to Langley for a debrief gave her no news other than he was out of the country.

Then one day, when she arrived at her apartment, she found a message on her machine. 'Hey Mac, it's me… Harm. I have to head back and clean up some of the mess down there. I'm sorry… I love you, I always will."

She played the message several times a day, refusing to delete it until he returned. It pained her that they were back to a few months ago - he was away on assignment and she at JAG worrying.

"Penny for your thoughts, Colonel?" Chegwidden waved off her attempt to come to attention and folded his arms across his chest.

Mac sighed, "You can have 'em for free, sir." She had been actively avoiding Chegwidden for the last few days when the scuttlebutt began to run rampant over a new attorney that was coming on board. A Naval Commander that she was likely to be partnered with. In preparation, Sturgis had moved back to this old office, freeing the space that had once been Harm's. It killed her to see the office so dark and empty and devoid of the items he once decorated with. The pictures of the two of them, of Harm with his dad - the model Stearman that was a miniature version of 'Sarah.' It made her heart sink just a little more. Harm was never coming back to JAG, she may as well accept it.

"Still haven't heard from him?" When she shook her head, he slipped into one of her guest chairs. "Mac, they have a lot of cleaning up to do. I'm sure you'll hear from him soon."

"I'm sure I will." Mac gave him a half-hearted smile. She wanted to ask him for advice to figure out how to maintain her sanity when Harm was away. This was one of the things she detested about her relationship with Webb, the waiting and not knowing. She loved Harm enough to make it work but wondered what toll it would take on them; on him.

Mac had seen first hand how he'd lost himself when some sort of darkness had taken over. While it was fine for the good order of the mission, a mechanism to keep him safe, she wondered when the lines would blur.

"I know you are aiding Lt. Roberts on the Whitlock interview but, I want to see you in my office at 1300. It's time to introduce you to your new partner."

Partner. Mac was sure she didn't need a new one. As far as she was concerned, her partner was somewhere out in the Chaco cleaning up the CIA's mess. All she could do was stare stupidly at her commanding officer. Harm's resignation had been his fault and although AJ had done everything to get into their good graces, Mac wasn't quick to forgive. Why the hell couldn't the man just take Harm back and defy the rules for once?

No, she didn't need a new goddamned partner and the thought had her seething. "Respectfully, Admiral, I do not need a new partner, the old one I had was just fine. You said you would do anything in your power to bring him back, even go to the President. What the hell happened? Did you just return only to lose your nerve?"

"Did you just mouth off to your commanding officer?"

Mac straightened in her chair and folded her hands together. Her heart was drumming hard at the words she'd used and yet, she didn't give a damn. She was angry, hurt and was tired of the lies. "Yes, I did… Sir, I don't need a partner."

Chegwidden stood up then and glared down at her. "It's not a request, Colonel. It's an order. Am I understood?" She didn't wait for her to answer before he stood and left Mac's office.

A little over an hour later, she weaved her way through the bullpen, trying to quash the anger she felt. Like a petulant child, Mac had resigned herself to making her new partner's life a living hell. She would be the epitome of icy professionalism and the bitch Marine she'd been years ago. They didn't need to be friends. How dare Chegwidden presume she needed a partner at all?

Hadn't she worked well enough without one? Her assignments and investigations had been completed on time. She hadn't wavered or faltered despite her heart aching at not seeing Harm there every day. After Paraguay, there had been times when she'd been a little harsh, abrasive even but, her work was completed - she'd won several cases. She didn't need a partner.

Mac straightened her spine when she was granted access into Chegwidden's office. But, when she took two steps in she felt it - the change in the room; an energy that crackled and came to life. Her skin tingled almost as if being awakened by a lovers touch. And there he was wearing his winter blues. Mac would have sworn she was dreaming until he turned and raced into her arms. "Harm."

"I've missed you so much." He confessed and ignored the presence of their commanding officer when his lips pressed against her own. Harm kissed her like him missed her, holding her tight against him, his hands tangling in her hair.

Suddenly uncomfortable, Chegwidden came around his desk, making a beeline for his door. "I'm going to leave you two alone for exactly five minutes." He turned the doorknob and paused for a moment before stepping out. They were still kissing. "Please remember where you are and for God's sake, don't break anything." AJ couldn't help but smile as he stepped out. "You didn't see anything, did you Petty Officer?"

Jen grinned, "Not a thing, sir."

Harm broke the kiss and rested his forehead against hers, his eyes seeking out Mac's as he prayed that this wasn't a dream. He backed slightly away from her enough so that he could run his hand gently over the tiny scar at her cheek. "It's fine. I'm fine." Mac said as her arms snaked around his waist and she enveloped him in a tight hug. She couldn't help crying though she was surprised there were any more tears left to cry. He was here, safe… Home. He was home. "Harm…"

"It's over… according to the CIA, I've paid my dues." The last few weeks found him working directly with MI6 when Kershaw had gotten wind of Webb's plans. Almost immediately, an internal investigation had begun and rogue agents were systematically eradicated. They had found all of the evidence needed in Broucher's home office and the magnitude was greater than anyone could have imagined. There were rogue agents in the farm and even stationed in various CIA offices across the globe. It began to make sense why certain assignments seemed to collapse despite the classified intel.

Harm and Keeter had rotated back to the Chaco for a few days. With the help of Simon Tanveer, who was injured but, still willing to help, they had dismantled what was left of Sadik and Bashar's allies.

He wanted to contact Mac, to let her know he was alive and safe but, Harm feared that someone would intercept a message and come after her again. She was safer at JAG with Chegwidden keeping an eye on her until he was allowed to return to the States. His return to JAG had hung in the balance up until four hours earlier when he was at Langley waiting for his new orders. The SECNAV had reinstated his commission and he was to report to JAG Ops as soon as possible.

"I know you just got back but, first chance we get I want to spend time with you at the cabin and maybe even spend a night at that B&B at Milford." Mac raised her head up to look at him, smiling when he brushed the tears away. There was a wicked look in her eyes, an ember of desire that had been stoked to life. She missed him so damned much that it hurt.

"Why there?"

"No phones, no TVs, just you and me… and I really want to visit the first place that we…" Mac trailed off and stepped away from him, her internal clock ticking away the seconds that were left before Chegwidden would, undoubtedly interrupt their reunion.

"Mmm, that could be arranged." Before she moved away too far, Harm wrapped an arm around her wrist and pulled her back to him. "Things are going to get complicated at work between the two of us."

"Then it will be just like it always was." She said before his lips met her own.

 **EPILOGUE:**

0230 Zulu

The Cabin  
Somewhere Near Milford, PA 

It was a pleasant night, an Indian Summer of sorts that had cut an end to an impromptu cold front that had appeared over Labor Day weekend. A man that keeps promises, Harm had managed to secure the cabin for the long weekend and had whisked Mac away with him.

Since his return to JAG things had gotten complicated, as expected, while the two of them learned to navigate the minefield that was dating someone at the workplace. There were a few spats that got a little heated and a few times when he was sure she'd break it off with him. Chegwidden had threatened to send them both to opposite ends of the Earth and that was all it took for a truce of sorts. Groveling and passionate love making fixed the rest.

Harm was also seeing a therapist, something that was both wanted and needed as a way to tame the darkness inside of him. It would never completely go away, he'd seen too much, done too many horrible things while working for the agency for him to be completely normal but, he was trying. Being with Mac seemed to fix him, somewhat. Her voice eased the malevolent thoughts, her touch soothed his pain. She was all he ever wanted or needed and he never wanted to let her go.

"We should head up here once a year or so." Mac suggested, stepping out of the cabin and settling next to Harm on the porch swing. She rested her head against his shoulder as his long legs rocked them back and forth. "I kinda like having you all to myself without interruptions." Her hand came to his chest, trailing lazy circles over the t-shirt that he wore. She pressed her hand over his heart to feel it beating just a little faster than it should. Her touch always seemed to do that but, there was something off - something she couldn't put her finger on.

"I kinda like the fact that all we do is eat, sleep and have sex." Harm said with a grin. "Actually, I really like the sex part..a lot… a lot, a lot. We're pretty damned good at it."

Mac couldn't help but laugh. Men were so damned predictable, "You are horrible." He was right though, they were pretty good at it. The man had ways to turn her on at a drop of a hat. Not that he was immune to her charms either.

"Uh huh, says the woman who jumped me in the shower this morning… and then seduced me while making breakfast and then again when we went on our little boat ride." In fact, they couldn't keep their hands off each other - the only time they seemed to behave was at work and even then they'd been known to kiss here and there.

She raised her head to look up at him in mock offense, pretending to be wounded by his words. "You complaining about me seducing you, Squid?"

Harm laughed as he stole a quick kiss. "Not at all, ma'am." She laid her head back on his shoulder and they fell into a companionable silence. He was content being in this moment, being with the woman he loved more than life itself. "What are you thinking about?"

"That I am happy, really happy for the first time in my life." And she was, nothing else was better than being with Harm and nothing else would ever be. "I have a job I love, a good man ,comfortable shoes...Nothing can be better than...oh!" Mac's words caught in her throat as she stared at the ring he was suddenly holding up between his thumb and index finger. It was a simple diamond ring with a tear drop cut on the diamond itself, the band of white gold. Her mind went numb and she sat up, turning to face him in search for an answer.

"Marry me?" Harm stared at her nervously hoping she wouldn't reject his proposal. He briefly wondered if everyone felt like this, scared of a rejection and what would happen if she declined his offer.

For a moment, Mac felt like she was dreaming and then her eyes fell on the diamond ring he was still holding. She glanced up at Harm to find a nervous expression she rarely saw from him that warmed her heart. "Yes."

And with that simple word he slid the ring onto her finger and then placed a kiss on her knuckles. "Guess this means you have to love, honor and obey me for life." He wagged his eyebrows suggestively and that infamous flyboy grin went up in full wattage.

Mac rolled her eyes, "We'll work on the obey part."

"I'm a great negotiator."

"Oh, I know." A devious smile made him realize just how much she enjoyed certain negotiations.

Harm's hand had slipped behind her neck as she drew her closer. He kissed her deeply and felt Mac moan into his mouth when his tongue sought out his own. One of her hands had snaked under his t-shirt, fingers playing with his bare skin in a slow caress. She raked her nails over his skin, a sensation that would always set him on fire. Harm stood up abruptly, bringing her with him before picking Mac up in his arms. She opened the screened door and he kicked closed the wooden one before walking them both towards the master bedroom.

"I love you, Harm." Mac said when he set her down on the center of the bed.

"I love you too, Mac. Forever." He would prove to her just how much.

 **THE END.**

AUTHORS NOTE:  
Over a decade had passed since I wrote my last JAG story and left others to die on websites, chat groups and FanfictionNet. I never, in a million years, could see me taking up writing about Harm and Mac again. As the years passed and a JAG reunion seemed impossible, I lost the want to write. I would catch CB and DJE on various shows and movies always wondering why TPTB couldn't find a solution with two gifted and gorgeous actors that had such wonderful chemistry.

I chucked my JAG DVDs deep into my closet, took down my pictures of H&M and decided to move on. At times, and only briefly, my mind would come up with some sort of scenario - a scene that could potentially turn into a story.

This one all started with the gala scene in chapter 3 where Harm and Mac were chatting on the balcony. I kept "writing" it in my mind, changing things and wrestling between whether Mac slept with Webb or Harm slept with his date. It's the one "scene" where I could see it in my mind as if it were on TV. I wanted to know where they would go after Paraguay and Harm's obvious disdain for her and Mac's need to move on.

It kept running in my head from time to time. It was a conversation with an employee of mine (we were discussing shows) that piqued my interest again. Somehow, this one came to life.

It has taken some crazy turns (most of my stories do) as right after Mac gets taken, I wasn't sure where I wanted to go. Webb was originally nothing more than Mac's distraction at the beginning - I never intended for him to be bad. Sadik was going to find them (By mistake, Mac's JAG ID would fall from her purse and when the owner of the B&B would all Ops to help return it, Sadik would have intercepted the call and followed them.)

But, it was too predictable. Plus, it was fun to make Webb so hated. I also needed to redeem Chegwidden as it was never explained WHY he never took Harm back. This wasn't like when Mac went to a private firm… Harm resigned for one of their own, it just never made sense - much like season 9 and 10.

The ending could have been better but, I think they've been through enough. Plus, the muse has run out for this one.

Thank you for sticking around! Thank you for those fans that remembered my old stories and have taken the time to review. Not sure how long this ride will continue but, there are a few things in writing. Hopefully, I can keep you entertained and annoyed for a while. ;)

All of the chapter titles were songs from a Dutch symphonic rock band called Within Temptation. It's been both a source of amusement and frustration to find a song that matched the chapter. I love to complicate myself. LOL!

Thank you again! :)


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